Would you break up with your boyfriend over this?

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I recently had a verbal fight with a mutual male friend of myself and my boyfriend. This male friend was someone that we only got to know recently whereas my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. Boyfriend tried to break the fight and I got angry with him over this and some past hurts. I told him that he is not going to be seeing me again if he continues acting like this. What really did it for me was the fact that after I told him it is over, he went out for drinks with the friend I had a verbal fight with and hung out with him for most of the night! I felt as if my boyfriend is untrustworthy.......he doesn't support me against a guy when I have a verbal fight, why should I trust him to support me in other areas of my life?

What would you do in this situation? Would you break up for good with him?

If I were in that situation, I probably wouldn't. Arguments happen, and people need a day or two to process their thoughts.

No way. People argue, it happens.
I think you over-reacted to the situation so he's giving you time to cool off.

Been together 7 months and you told him you wouldn't see him again over an argument which he was just trying to break up? :/
You can't expect him to just back your side if you were in the wrong - seems like he was just trying to mediate the situation.

Was he aware of how important this verbal fight was for you?. Im saying this because most people dont usually take verbal fights seriously and therefore they asume nobody does unless they state otherwise.

If he was aware of how important this verbal fight was for you then you have done the right thing,because when you are in a relationship you allways have to take your partner´s feelings into account even if they dont make much sense to you.

If he wasnt aware of how important this verbal fight was you should try to explain him the situation and try to give the relationship another chance.

So if your boyfriend/girlfriend had an ugly fight that you tried to mediate and then ditched you and went out with your enemy, you would still trust him?

This point was the culmination of a series of little "betrayals" over a course of two months. I feel as if he treats me as just any other friend and probably spends more money going out with his friends than with me. He kept asking me if I trusted him and I told him no, because I have seen way too many instances where he will, in a subtle way, choose his friends over me.

Depends on if he was trying to fix the situation by going out with your 'enemy'.

Honestly?
You are acting irrationally. You are reading way to much into the situation and I think he did the right thing in breaking up the fight. He was mediating the situation instead of making it worse. Guys like that are keepers, especially for women on the spectrum. Keeping the peace when there is a conflict and smoothing things over is a positive thing. You shouldn't see him as untrustworthy or not supporting you in a fight. I also have to agree with the cooling off thing. That is very either or, it is also not indicative that he will not support you in other areas of your life. It is kind of going out on a limb. Nothing he did was unforgivable, in fact it was the right thing to do.

Last edited by starygrrl on 03 Jan 2011, 2:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Theory time:

He wants you to end the relationship rather then himself. Through you being the dumper and him being the dump-e it makes him look the victim to his friends who clearly have a disliking to you for whatever reason I leave to them to decide that.

He possibly doesn't understand what your problem with the guy is. I'd be upset if a girlfriend tried to break me and my friends up. I don't like side taking.

Why did you have the fight with the guy, what did he do?

Nice guess but his friends do not dislike me as far as I know and he has always been free to see them whenever he wants. And I am sure that he is not the type of guy who would want to end the relationship as he is very much in love with me. I just see this and other little tngs he has done as a betrayal.

Guy friends are more likely to stick around for the long haul. I don't blame him for going out with the mutual frenemy, cause I would have done the same thing. His idea of betrayal is different than yours, so until you talk to him about it, it won't get solved.

I don't know what I would do since I can't picture myself in a similar situation, but you probably should break up with him.

Even if they have known that male friend for only 1o days? I mean, this guy is not a close male friend of years.....this guy can barely be called a friend. And this friend of ours demeaned me about my professional credentials (a doctoral candidate (me) versus a menial worker (the male friend)).

I'm mentally putting this thread together with the thread in the General forum about people not respecting the knowledge base of those with PhDs and making a guess about what happened. Correct me if I have guessed wrong. My guess is that this mutual friend said something wrong that you knew the correct answer to because of your degree. You tried to correct him and got into an argument with him about who was right. The argument centered around his not believing you even though you told him you had a PhD in the field. He didn't believe you anyway and the argument raged on. Your boyfriend tried to break it up. He didn't get you two to see eye to eye but that didn't stop him from going out and enjoying some socializing with the friend.

If this is somewhere close to what happened, I think your boyfriend did the right thing in trying to mediate. And believe it or not, I also think it was fine for him to socialize with the guy even though you and the guy were still angry with each other. If it had been a major thing, like if the guy had slapped you or called you a @#$#@@, that would be different (although it was still proper for him to try to mediate). But it isn't fair to your boyfriend to ask him to cut contact with people who disagree with you...even if you are right! If the argument was about the subject you have your PhD in, I assume you were right. And I can see how it would be incredibly annoying for somebody to disbelieve you regardless of your PhD and insist that they are right even so. But in the larger scheme of things it is trivial and your boyfriend should not be required to abandon anybody over it. In fact I wouldn't advise you to abandon the mutual friend over it either. "Agree to disagree" is a good policy.

So no. I wouldn'ty break up with him. The attempt at mediation speaks well of him. The fact that he didn't abandon a friend simply because his girlfriend had an argument with that friend also speaks well of him. He sounds like a good guy.

Last edited by Janissy on 03 Jan 2011, 4:41 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Yes, because sexual attraction doesn't get in the way. Although it seems odd to take a week long friendship over a 7 month relationship, its also odd to fight with a potential challenge to your boyfriends attention.

Jannisy, yes, what you said is close to what happened. It is not about my fight with the guy, it is more about the fact that my boyfriend chose to fraternize with someone who got into an argument with his girlfriend. Remember that he had known this guy for less than 10 days and me for 7 months. I guess he chose which side he is on. He can go and fraternize with the guy all he wants now and can badmouth me as much as he wants.

I have just broken up with him.