Isn't it just so hard to hold back?

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I've had a crush on a girl since the second I laid eyes on her. Some of you may remember my previous post from around thanksgiving, there was a part in there where I mentioned that this girl was "bright and bubbly". She's encouraged me to sit with her and her friends at lunch. But unfortunately, I found out throught her Snapchat story that she had a boyfriend

Now, let's call her Abby

Not long after we came back from thanksgiving break, Abby and her friends started to sound resentful of him, and just before christmas break, she officially told him it was over(although in her mind, it was over just a week or so after thanksgiving. She was just sensitive on when to tell him).

Her and I have been talking every other day, and on New Years Eve we actually went to dinner together(it was in the afternoon).

Now, after all this, it's impossible for me to tell whether or not how she feels about me. In addition, I'm always having my parents in my ear(I talk to them a lot about this because with of my asperger-related shortcomings)saying that I should wait build a friendship and go from there, and there's people my age, even Abby and her friends talk about one person asking out another just because he likes her, and stuff of that nature. And my parents are saying that that kind of talk is something that only kids in middle school do, and when people hit High School, relationships take much more time and it's not really just based off of attraction.

So yesterday, I messaged one of her friends about it. I told her that I didn't want to ask her out in the coming days, only for her to say "we barely know each other". Or for me to wait, only for me to realize that for whatever reason, that wasn't the beat idea either.

She eventually responded, saying that I should wait to get to know her, "because that's just the way she is".

All this is kind of depressing, mostly because a big part of me doesn't want to just hold back my feelings for that amount of time. And there's always the possibility that she may have already told Abby about it, which may lead to things being ruined again. And it would be because I just wanted to do the right thing.

I completely understand.

Some thoughts:

In general, it’s really a bad idea to discuss this with her friends. The reason why is you’ll more often hear discouraging news you don’t want to hear. It’s like reading a book or film spoiler. You already know it won’t end well, so why bother even trying? Of course, you MIGHT get good news. But I’d personally rather be surprised. Even if her friend thinks she’s go for it, now there’s one other person who knows my intentions BEFORE I ask her out. I just don’t think the whole world needs to know before I say something. And if bad news, same thing, AND you kill your chances of getting even ONE date.

See, just because someone isn’t interested in you THAT WAY doesn’t mean she’ll never go out with you. If you can get ONE date, you have a chance to persuade her for a second or third date. And if you make it that far, the possibility is stronger that you might have a relationship. Reading the spoilers, so to speak, takes away a lot of control you have over the situation. Best not.

Also, beware rebounds. A girl might be shy of guys just out of a relationship or want to enjoy some single time. Otherwise, it leaves her vulnerable, and she may find you to be a turnoff for trying to take advantage of that.

Looks to me like you have strong potential for future dates with her. Enjoy that. If neither of you are seeing anyone else after, say, 4-6 dates, consider taking next step. Don’t rush things. Could be she just needs some time off with a friend.

Hang in there and be patient!

I know how hard it is to keep your feelings hidden. But just be aware that if you rush, or let them be known before she has had a chance to build rapport and a friendship with you, then you will ruin your chances. You might have to do this a few times before you get that through your head unfortunately. Keeping your feelings to yourself is just as much about self preservation as it is about making sure the other person is comfortable

But sounds like everyone is giving you good and consistent advice... Your parents AND her friends are saying to build the friendship, get to know her, spend time with her..let her get comfortable in your presence and decide if she likes you. You can't force or rush that, and if you try to, it may have the opposite effect

Her friends will probably tell her what you said by the way. Be careful about who you talk to - even your own friends could tell anyone. These things get around FAST. You can use this to your advantage though, as you can act as "just friends" and she will probably wonder now if you actually like her, and start to think of you differently - so long as you don't rush or push for more

Wait a week, maybe two, and then invite her to hang out and do something fun together..just as friends (for now)