i give up.

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Out of all the messages I sent out on okcupid, I have no bites but I have visitors. I still think I'm as socially awkward and aloof as ever. I can't initiate a conversation with women to save my life. I just think this whole dating game is burning me out. Or maybe I'm just trying to force things to happen and I'm being overly analytical, overly rationalizing the bad and letting my brain get in the way but there's no way for me to tell my brain to SHUT UP and stop over-analyzing things.

I think this whole love and dating thing is burning me out. But I feel compelled I need to find a partner soon.

Forcing things to happen is the worst thing to do, in my opinion.

Sometimes I feel the same way, but giving up is the worst thing you could do.

Just buckle down for the long haul and stay positive and active even if it seems pointless.

That's how I'm handling it anyway...

Agreed

nthach the only advice I can offer is don't just send a load of generic messages out to all the girls in your area/age group. If you see a girl you like then message her, but don't just see it as a case of sending out as many messages as you can in the hope of at least getting a response. Women will be able to tell if you're just messaging them because they're female rather than because of who they are individually. Make the message personal, ie ask about something she mentioned in her profile which you're also interested in. Don't make the message too long though, but also don't just send a standard "hey, how are you?"

I'm not saying all that necessarily applies to you as I dunno what kinda messages you've been sending. But that's just one big mistake I've noticed a lot of unsuccessful guys on dating sites seem to make (in my opinion obviously, I could be totally wrong about everything lol)

But yeah, don't give up dude. Just don't try desperately to find any random girl who'll have you. Concentrate on finding a girl you actually really like.

I'm trying to. How does one of these messages sound like? Also, while I'm a little conservative and shy, I don't want to date the equivalent of me.

The harder you try the worse you will perform. I know you don't want to hear it, but you are unlikely to find someone until you stop actively looking for her. This worked for me.

Can you give me an example of the kind of message you have sent? And I'll tell you if I think you need to change anything?

(btw I should add that I might not give good advice - I'll try my best though )

I've heard that before, but it's so hard to stop my search. And it sounds like a paradox as well.

It doesn't have to be an on or off/binary operation. You can let it slide for a while, or you can decide not to pursue it so hard. Take a break and come back for another stab another day.

Whatever happened to the attitude of working hard or else the world passes you by

I found my last partner when I wasn't actively looking, but I did make myself go out to events where there were other people, otherwise I would be at home by myself, and there would be no chance at all that I would meet anyone.

Yes, I am not advocating becoming a hermit. All I am saying is that one acts a certain way and has certain expectations when they are "searching". These actions and expectations actually work against you. Go out, live life, learn a lot about yourself and the right person will come along when you are not looking for her.

How can I trust such an event to "just happen"? It seems to me that if I don't want it, I'd pass it up even if offered... and thus I'll never realize my dreams.

There are more important things in life than just meeting women. There is a common stigma that men who cannot get or do not want to get girlfriends are basically weakening the human race (because they do not have children) but you must remember that you don't need someone else to be happy and to feel complete and the first good relationship you must have is with yourself.

And until you figure that out, no healthy woman will want you anyway.

It isn't that you don't want it, it's just that if you try not to see every situation as a potential for making a connection, you are more likely to be more relaxed, and the possibility that something might happen actually increases.