Would you join a Dating Skills Group and what would you do?

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Roll Call: Would you join a dating skills group - where you would be able to learn how to date. Would you be willing to make changes in your habits - shower twice a day, buy clothes at Express, volunteer, go to sleep on time, go to social events, etc? Would you be willing to learn the thousand little skills it takes to date? This would be in real life. Like a support group with people meeting face to face.

What would you want from a dating group of this sort?

I wouldn't have any interest, myself. I'm so very different from the majority, that I only trust myself to pick up the skills I need, and have spent countless hours analyzing myself, society, etc.... I'm too independent to follow someone else's rules, especially after i've spent my whole life realizing that I'm not like other people. I choose to trust my own judgement, because nobody knows me better than me. I am an exception to the rules.

jawbrodt is thinking along the same lines as me.

I think you have to be very careful about paying big ones to any group that claims to be the answer to your problems. You need to go into it with a realistic frame of mind.

Bear in mind that much dating advice is simply brushing up on pre-existing capabilities. Don’t expect them to know much about behaviour. Inherent behaviour is not a conscious thing, people take it for granted. They may know what feels right, but advice can be contradictory and confusing if you are literal minded. Inherent behaviour is also dynamic, much faster than you can think about it. So mimicry probably isn’t the best strategy because you won’t be able to think about everything, and in trying you won’t be able to focus on the person. So if can’t mimic everything you could mimic small number of useful things, plus adapt, and think outside of the box. Don't try and be conventional, that is my thinking anyway. You are also likely going to offer a different type of relationship to someone else so you should reflect that in whatever you do. Otherwise they will be upset it wasn’t what they expected.

The problem with just going for the dating skill service is it is too single minded. Often people who have extreme difficulty don't just have problems dating. Some people try to go into relationships without even having made any friends first.

Last edited by 0_equals_true on 04 Mar 2010, 10:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

I detect some 'all-or-nothing' style thinking in this thread! Ya'll might find yourself more receptive if you'd let go a bit from your apparent preconceived notions.
And who said anything about paying?

That said, I wholly agree with this:

A dating skills group misses the real gold mine of results. It would be far better as a social skills group. Flirting, dating, and all the little things that surround those topics are generally refined and specific forms of existing social skills. Usually, if you're pretty socially fluent, then you'll have few issues with dating. Furthermore, the best way of meeting a potential GF/BF tends to be through friends, unless you have zero approach anxiety. By increasing ones ability to makes friends, they increase their ability to find a boyfriend or girlfriend.

I'd be into such a thing as that, but mostly because this entire topic of social interaction, and the rough 'systems' it tends to fall into, has been a massive fascination of mine for the past 5+ years. I don't tend to aggressively use it, I just like learning about it.

no, I am done with trying to 'learn skills' to make myself better/different. This may sound negative but it's kind of like the 'bridge out' sign, if the bridge is out I want to see the sign...if I am weird, which I am, I want people to know it instead of artfully deceiving them into believing that I am NT.

A weirdo dating site might interest me more..."be yourself, we are all weird here".

Showering twice a day is a bit much, isn't it?

I would come to one meeting out of curiosity and just watch at what happens and after observation I would decide whether or not to come back and actually participate.

Oooh, that plan might not work... Someone like me might up & talk to you. Ruh roh.

As someone who worked hard for a long time to be more socially comfortable and successful, I take a little offense at the implication that my behavior is a deception. It is possible to be 100% true to yourself, and not do/say things that creep people out, and even hold good conversation without being phony.

Somehow, I could never bring myself to buy into this, because this was always far from true for me. Absolutely none of the girls my friends knew ever felt any kind of attraction toward me. Even when I tried to dance with them at a party, they would do it only at a 3-ft. distance. (Ironically, new girls I just met at that same party danced very close with me.) But when I looked for a girlfriend outside my social group, like in dance classes I went to, online, or even in public places, I was actually able to do a halfway decent job; on good days, I'd at least get a phone number. If anything, I'd say that meeting a girlfriend through your friends takes a lot more social skills than meeting one outside your group, because you have to cut through the "red tape" of your pre-existing reputation. Even if you succeed, you might end up in a "Ross and Rachel" situation full of drama. So yeah, that whole "meeting a girlfriend through friends" thing, never believed it, don't believe it now, and don't plan to start believing it.

Go to sleep on time? What the f**k does that have to do with getting dates?
I'd probably go to one meeting if it was free, be a contrarian pain in the ass, and not return.
I like that "Bridge Out" analogy, that's a riot.
I suppose I really shouldn't get started again in here. If anyone wants to try cracking my shell I've made some long and detailed revelations in the "Questions for aspie guys that want a GF" thread.
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Now that I've kind of dissed the thread - is this out of the Watertown spot?

It's because you fell into the friend zone. Being good at making friends isn't the only hurdle, but it's a major one... The ability to clearly broadcast interest before time runs out and relationship boundaries are crystallized is another major one, and that appears to be the one you were running into.

i highly doubt the dating skills group will help me find the dominatrix of my dreams

I am happy being me. No, I personally would not go. I'm not into dating like some people are. I do not care for social events either. The type of man I'm interested in is not normally found at social events. BTW, the "showering twice a day" suggestion is not necessary!

Taupey

No, I wouldn't.

I think dating is a waste of my time, and I have learned the hard way that I am 80% likely to be unsuited to relationships, so I plan to use prostitution when I deem it necessary to "get off".

What you need to do is to join a Dominatrix Finding group.

So if you got a date within say a year of joining the group, would you be willing to put some time and effort and just approach it as work? Imagine the tremendous boost to your self esteem when you go on a date and have fun.

Analyzing sucks. Learn skills by doing.