I like an Aspie and I wonder I did the right thing.

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TheSwan
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09 Jan 2011, 11:47 pm

So... There is a guy at my college, we have a lot of friends in common from high school, we went to the same high school but we never really talked to each other. However, back then I did notice him but he didn't notice me, I liked him because he was different from the rest of the people, quiet, smart, gentle, interesting, responsible... And even though I sent little hints here and there it didn't work, I just kept receiving nice answers from a person who didn't have a clue I was hitting on him. So, a couple of months ago his cousin, which is a friend of mine, told me that the was an Aspie and then a lot of things kind of made sense to me. I realized that flirting was not going to work, he might have thought all this time that I was just being nice with him so what I did was that I confessed to him four days ago, I told him that I like him and then I left. But I don't think I did things a 100% right, I know that the best way for him to know is if I tell him directly, but now I don't know what he thinks, I think he didn't answer anything because I made statement not a question "I like you". Then, the next day of college I pretended that it never happened, he didn't say a word to me about it either... but I noticed that he never looks at anyone while he walks he just walks looking at random places like spacing out, and I have read that some Aspies dislike eye contact because it makes them uncomfortable right? but for once he looked at me and smiled. So, I have a few questions. Would you be confused if someone comes suddenly and tells you that she/he likes you? What would you think? and Is it a good signal when you make eye contact with another person?

I think I did good by telling him that I like him, is not like there is anything wrong with that, but I guess I kind of regret not saying anything else because it all ended there. 8O

(Ps: I'm a NT Girl)



against_the_clock
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10 Jan 2011, 12:42 am

Quote:
some Aspies dislike eye contact because it makes them uncomfortable right?

Correct, it also can prevent us from being able to think clearly about what we are saying.

It sounds like either he doesn't like you back, or he is just very shy. The former could be for reasons totally out of your control (people with AS are more likely to be gay or asexual) and the latter might be more likely than you think; I was attracted to girls since I was 12, but did not approach a girl till I was a junior in high school and it wasn't till senior year that I actually asked anyone out.

I would just keep talking to him, if he becomes comfortable with you he will probably let you know. I guess asking him about it would be ok too (I wouldn't mind at least).

The third possibility (which would be rather cute and hilarious) is if he totally spaced out and didn't hear you when you told him you liked him. You did say he would look spacey sometimes, right?



against_the_clock
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10 Jan 2011, 12:45 am

Quote:
Would you be confused if someone comes suddenly and tells you that she/he likes you?

Not confused, possibly scared because it used to be a new situation for me in which I didn't know how to behave. (I wouldn't be scared now)
Quote:
What would you think? and Is it a good signal when you make eye contact with another person?

I don't mind when people make eye contact with me, if I get uncomfortable I look away, but then again, I am better with eye contact than most.

By the way good luck. :wink:



ToadOfSteel
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10 Jan 2011, 12:48 am

Give it a little more time. Sometimes, it takes aspies a bit of time to process something emotionally (days or weeks, especially if it's something completely unexpected).

The best thing you can do for your chances is to always be there for him whenever possible. Feel free to start conversations with him... if he likes you, he's probably too nervous to even talk to you unless you say something first (I know I would be), and if not, he'd still appreciate that you're taking time to notice him in a positive light. Finally, even if hes not interested now, doesn't mean there is no chance he could become interested later. As I said, aspies take time to process emotions, and it could take a while (though don't get your hopes too far up, sometimes an aspie can just be plain disinterested).



against_the_clock
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10 Jan 2011, 1:10 am

And if things don't work out with him, there's plenty of aspies on here :wink:



one-A-N
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10 Jan 2011, 3:54 am

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but for once he looked at me and smiled


That sounds positive. You told him you like him, and the next day he smiled at you.



sunshower
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10 Jan 2011, 4:08 am

I agree about the shyness, and I think being direct was the best thing you could do. Because aspies find it difficult to read social cues the best way to get your message across is to say it in words. I think maybe pull back just a little for a day or two (still be friendly, and continue with "interested" signals - which he should be more able to recognize now that you've put words to your feelings - be consistent, but don't discuss romance directly yet) to give him time to process things. After this time I'd be direct with him and ask him if he'd be interested in going on a date with you.

But you know him best, so probably take or disregard information as is relevant to your situation. :D


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TheSwan
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10 Jan 2011, 7:44 pm

Thanks to everyone so much! :wink:

Not much have happened since then, is like nothing ever happened in first place… But at least I am glad that I didn’t receive a bad response.

I will listen to your advice and just let some time pass by before I try to do anything else, I am afraid that he might forget what I said if I keep pretending nothing happened though.

But well, more than wanting to go out with him I wanted to tell him that so he would notice me and my feelings a little. My main fear wasn't to be rejected, my fear was that he would think that I am a strange/weird person and dislike me or avoid me. In the end, having a gently smile and no response is definitely better than being rejected, I am really glad that he is such a nice guy! :D I think It would be nice if we end up together in the future but for now I think I should be happy with what I've done so far.

Thanks everyone for you attention and advice, I really appreciate it!