NT's dating autistics-advantages over dating over NT's

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For many years now, I have had a complex which has lead me to figure out where those with higher functioning forms of ASDs would make better partners than NTs in an NT-NT relationship.

For instance, my new girlfriend is pretty NT, despite having a real piece of work for an ex. I have now wondered if those on the autism spectrum who are able to date would make better partners. Or would the characteristics of being more faithful, more honest and more forgiving backfire? I find it odd that I in many cases listen better than my NT peers, but I could be proven wrong.

I think it purely depends on the people involved in the relationship b/c their is an extremely wide gamut in the NT and Autistic communities.

One cannot characterize AS as more or less honest or deceitful than NT without consideration of ability vs. intent. Are AS people honest because they intend to be, or because dishonesty is not as easy? Consider the case of a person who was physically abused and develops a preference for a partner with a physical disability. The absurdity is that such a partner might still have abusive intent but not the ability. The important thing is the intent, whether the ability is present or not.

Not all AS people are the same. It is not so much the listening rather the understanding and empathising that is the problem. Where a NT couple might understand how each other feel and why they do things a NT and AS couple might never resolve an argument because of the NT wanting their feelings to be acknowledged and the AS disregarding them because of the 'logical reasons' etc.

So I believe it depends on circumstance and can be good in some ways and bad in others.

I believe that cases of being more honest, faithful and forgiving would go well with a more sensitive soul or someone who has been hurt before and wants reassurances of not being hurt again.

However, for most NTs they seem to live in the moment and a part of me believes that being honest and faithful on cue all the time might be seen as boring because of the predictability (though many would not say so out loud and would laud those characteristics when asked)

Ego is another factor involved. It's a bigger ego boost to someone thinking their partner could stray for another but stays instead as validation that they are 'all that' and there isn't any better out there, for the partner to stray. An Aspie might stay regardless because of loyalty and thus not offering an ego boost from validation of being all that.

Honesty, what can be wrong with honesty? It's not that there is something wrong with honesty, it's that many people like to have their ego boosted with a 'white lie', even if it isn't the exact truth. An NT on average is more likely to pick up on this and give the white lie, where an Aspie on average is more likely to tell the exact truth and not pick up on how a person likes to be flattered when asking a certain question. I have been burned on this one on more than one occasion.

Really good point. There are some NT's who are disastrous in relationships and vice versa. I agree with everyone here, especially Sirius, who points out how ego is involved. I have been burned by some NT's by white lies, and not being able to tell about those.

OP, the characteristics you mention have nothing to do with being Aspie: one is not a consequence of the other. Both Aspies and NTs can be faithful, honest and forgiving, but saying that being Aspie = being faithful, honest and forgiving just isn't true. Here's where it causes trouble: once upon a time, I was a naive NT who was looking for answers about someone with whom I had a relationship. I had a friend who is very happily married to an Aspie, and as I described this man's baffling behavior, she asked if I thought he might be Aspie. It had never occurred to me. After I started doing some research, I came to the conclusion that he likely is Aspie.

Unfortunately, I came across statements like yours, that Aspies don't lie, that they're loyal, they don't cheat, etc. Add to that my friend's husband is a very decent guy - which means she was generalizing her experience with him to all Aspies. I let myself trust this man much, much more than I would have trusted an NT - because I believed those myths. When this man began behaving in ways that were questionable to me, it didn't occur to me that he had evil intentions - because I believed he was incapable of that kind of motivation and/or behavior. Instead, I kept researching Asperger's, trying to understand what was going on. I learned too late that character applies to Aspies just the same way it applies to NTs. By then the damage was done: I was very deeply hurt and mistreated by this man. I learned a very difficult truth: the content of one's character is what causes a person to lie or tell the truth; to be faithful or to cheat; to forgive or not. It has nothing to do with neural status.

Very interesting perspective! There's got to be an old proverb for this somewhere.