I think I am just scared of girls.....

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whenever a girl has shown an interest in me, I always seem withdraw inside and shut her out. I always fantasize about girls, but when there is one who actually might be a possibility, I completely shutdown ...It might be low self-esteem, but I just feel repressed and I cant express who i am to the outside, and I don't feel like I have enough "knowing" about myself to be able to get into a relationship

.....When I try to actively pursue a girl, I find myself doing obsessive borderline stalking s**t, and it really creeps me out, because thats not who I want to be. It just frustrates me because I am always on the outside, I am always by myself, I dont feel like I have regular network channels that other people have to just be able to interact when the time comes.

What I mean by that, is that it seems most average guys have an attitude of not really trying...they don't want to trip out over a girl. If they have a goal and a plan its more subconscious because they end up doing it, or ending up pursuing some other girl. It is all gravy for them, because they are who they are and they just keep living there lives, they dont depend on a girl. ALSO I think because average guys just socialize because thats what they do.

BUT I actually have to consciously force myself to try to socialize. I have to force myself to run into that girl that I like, or else even though we might work together or be at the same school, my inertia or network or aura or whatever you want to call it won't end up near hers....i might be searching her name on fb or mspace and always looking at her pictures....but generally i get over it.

I just don't want to be a nothing the rest of my life. but I am a nothing right now..........its not because of not having a girl, and getting one wouldn't change that, but they definitely are related. I just wish i wouldnt have been so f*****g scared when girls approached me

On one hand, getting into relationship without knowing yourself is recipe for disaster. On the other hand, at the end of that disaster you will spiral out in smoke and flames, but you will also know yourself better.

Pain and suffering is unavoidable here. You cannot dodge this rock by learning from mistakes of others, watching TV shows about love, etc. You have to embrace the disaster and let it teach you.

Your intuition knows the disaster is unavoidable, hence the fear and resistance.

And once it's done with, you will mope for a while, but then approach the next one with far better knowledge of your problems, quirks, and strengths.

One of your strengths could as well be your strong intuition. Just a guess. Most people don't seem to be aware of having limitations as a concept, but you sense your future challenges to overcome, on some level, even if you can't see them just yet. Chances are, you will never be blind to your own flaws, and this means you will always improve yourself.

that makes sense......I think.......

It just really bums me out because I had so many chances. And it seems like alot of the instances were time-specific. I moved away to college 5 years ago, but I never escaped my shell. Had so many chances too it seems..........but your only in high school once ....your only in college once.

I can't get go back and live in the campus halls again like I did. I have just been drifting here and there without really ever finding or doing anything of any real substance or value in the past few years since I dropped out. Now I am on my own I have to work full time if I don't want to be homeless.

The same opportunities won't present themselves. Now I have to make every opportunity myself. I have be like the other guys my age who finished college and are off on their own, but they have had all the experience and the social networks, I don't. I am essentially still at scratch.

My life just feels so unreal right now...........this is the worst disturbing and depressing feeling....I feel so alone

I too can get obsessive about a relationship, but I try my best not to be.

Another problem with me, is that the passage of time is really messed up in my head, like what feels like a week ago for me was really 2 days ago... so I sometimes tend to do things too quickly. Although being bad at socializing makes it even worse, so I say things that aren't appropriate, and either never realize it, or not until a while later.