Is there a single person in the world who shares my views?

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Who shares my views about what love should be about?
Most people do not agree with me in the slightest.
I always think - love should have loyalty and honour deep rooted to such an extent that the only reasons to ever leave a relationship should be if someone does something really bad.
Other than that, I think relationships should be firm and strong, and almost unbreakable.
Why does no one share my view? My family don't, my ex doesn't, and I just feel lonely and depressed because of most people not being as extreme as I am.

I can't agree nor disagree as there isn't enough information.

Love *should* have many aspects, and this includes loyalty and honor. There should also be affection, trust and respect. But *should* doesn't denote any hard and fast requirements for Love.

Same thing with relationships... Relationships *should* be firm and strong, almost unbreakable. But that's not a strong enough position. MUST a relationship be firm? Can you have a relationship where you take care of an infirm partner or someone who is much younger (either in chronological or mental or maturity) in age?

Love MUST have...
Relationships MUST have...

You fill in the blank. Think about the type of relationship you'd like and describe it. Does it meet the above two criteria? Make sure no one can come up with a counter example (e.g. relationship/love for god, a parent, infirm partner, really huge age discrepency between partners, etc.)

I would really like to hear more about this as I think your post is an attempt to help solidify yours (mine and ours) definitions of what defines "love" and what we seek and must have in a "relationship".

I have similar views. I think serious relationships like marriage should be about dedication, commitment, loyalty, devotion, compromise, effort, trust, supporting each other ect but nowadays most people seem to think it's about lust

I just hate disorder and chaos.
Why should people treat others so cheaply?
It makes me feel like "Oh I don't like you now I'm going to behead you" like how stuff like that happened in the medeival times.
Well how is this a million times different? No it's nothing like that obviously, but people are precious beings - we shouldn't go around throwing others off all the time especially if they're going to be so hurt by it there was no point in the damn thing forming in the first place.
I just don't think people should treat people so cheaply.
If I get in a relationship, that's that part of my life sorted in my opinion.

i am reminded of the phrase, "what's love got to do with it?" iow, we live in a world that prefers cold pricklies to warm fuzzies. relationships are far more to do with perceived social status improvement than of any other concern. loyalty went out with button shoes and common decency. this is the world of wanting humanity.

Agreed, and absolutely.

Anything less can only become painful and continually grow worse.

I agree with that view 100%.

Your views sound nice on the surface, but if you'd given specific situations as examples I'm willing to bet they're not all that nice.

Well, I wouldn't want to leave a partner for trivial reasons, but I'm not sure that a standard of morality can be applied to relationships in that way - if somebody leaves for reasons that have not hurt them significantly, that's up to them - I don't see any good can come of it, but if that's their way, there's no point in appealing to morality to hold them back.

I think maybe what you're saying is that you would want to feel that a partner wouldn't leave you for trivial things, that you'd have to have done something really rotten to deserve it. That way, you can feel secure because you know you won't lose them as long as you stick to a few easily-understood rules. Frankly I don't think many people would just drop a partner for small offences.

You have to see the deeds from the point of view of the person who has been hurt by them. I would probably leave a partner for walking about in public in a mini skirt, which many women (and men) these days would say was a ridiculously trivial transgression. But to my mind it would be close to sexual infidelity if a woman who knew how I felt chose to just go ahead and do that. I know how men feel when they see women looking all sexualised....they feel like humping them, and I don't see how such clothes can have anything to do with a wholesome relationship, in which the partners should be demonstrating to the rest of the world that they're NOT sexually available and that they have NO interest in stimulating carnal desires in potential sexual rivals (or in anybody else). But I've yet to meet a woman who admits she knows what I'm talking about. So clearly I'm "wrong," and would be "wrong" to leave a partner on those gorunds. Doesn't change the pain it gives me or the need to dump them. And there's no way I can prove it, because emotional pain is invisible.

I dismissed one girlfriend for lying to me about where she was going - it turned out to be a "knocking shop," and I didn't hang about to hear about what she'd done or not done while she was there. The fact of the lie and the nature of the place she'd lied about in order to get the chance to go, were enough to convince me that she was the wrong type for me. I wasn't interested in whether or not she'd been unfaithful - I just couldn't imagine how I would ever be able to trust her again...I simply labelled her as somehow "sexually dodgy" and that was enough. I gave her time to explain things to my satisfaction but she didn't come close to doing that, and I couldn't imagine any way she could.

I don't know about 'deep rooted'. There's a clingy, attachment vibe going on in your posts... I don't think it's healthy. You should be careful about reframing your vices or weakness as virtues.

Honour, yes. Respect, definitely. Mmmm... not sure about loyalty. It's contextual. Should one stand by another even when they are being an insufferable jerk? Depends.



Most of them aren't. Wishing for what isn't is the primary cause of suffering. You have water and you want a rock.

All things break in the end, even rocks.

If you can become secure within yourself then it won't hurt so much that relationships don't last. Even if you are in a relationship, the ups and downs don't always give one a sense of security.

Enjoy relationships fully, whatever their duration. But don't try to make one into an anchor.

In summary; I don't think I share many of your views.

The other person doesn't have to do anything bad for the relationship to end. As you grow older and the relationship itself matures, your goals can develop differently. For example, one person can really want children and the other not. Maybe in the beginning both partners felt the same but then diverged later. People change so much over time that you can become very different people and maybe the relationship has run its course.

And it can be lots of things - lifestyle, religion, politics, even just where to live. When my husband and I lived in NY I was very unhappy and at about the 10 year mark I let him know I was leaving and he could come with me if he liked, but I wasn't staying there. He'd done nothing wrong - I just couldn't take the lifestyle any more.

Your description of loyalty sounds reminiscent of Arthurian legend or love stories where it's do or die, but in reality there are lots of very good reasons relationships have to end. To prolong them is to risk the mental and physical health of everyone involved.

I agree. Work on relationships as long as you can. We as a society give up too easily. Maybe someday we'll learn.

Love is selfless, non-possessive. You never own the one you truly love and no manner of 'loyalty and honour' can force one person to love another. You can't choose who you fall in love with and you can't make them stay with you.

I don't think you can just grab a relationship out of thin air and make it work. Just finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with can take a lifetime. Plus people are always growing and changing from every day life experiences, often times growing apart. You only hurt yourself in the end if you think any other way. If you find someone you love and are lucky enough to have them love you back, enjoy them for as much time as you have them in your life.. no expectations.

Perhaps I just get so vulnerable - and somewhat paranoid - that I feel attacked, and I guess the immediate reaction from feeling attacked is wanting a sense of "justice".

I am certainly not at all someone who will hold back someone's right to leave, but it really hurts to such an extent that the rage makes me out of control when I'm feeling in pain.

No - I would never want to own anyone, I guess I've just been desperate to hang onto something is all. I got angry with my ex girlfriend, and unhealthily so, and thus I had arguments with her.
It is sorrowful...
I still think a lot of people leave other people too easily and too quickly for lack of a good reason... I guess I don't trust a lot of people.

No, I am not cold - I certainly believe in "ABSOLUTE SOCIAL EQUALITY" for everyone, and anyone.

Only whales would agree with you.

Then I guess I disagree w/ you.



I wouldn't mind owning someone. Not because of desperation, but because I've seen many of the bad decisions people make and have made, and think I'd do a better job.



It may not be a good reason for you - but it may be a good enough reason for them, or a good enough reason for them to communicate to you. Unfortunately, because of the half-assed reasons, you learn to not trust. But it's not a trust issue, it's probably just an issue of poor communication (or lack of trying) between the person leaving and you.



I have been cold within many relationships. I do not believe in absolute social equality (e.g. ventually you run into an "Animal Farm" where some animals are more equal than others) as people are not equal and attempting to make them equal ignores the fundamental differences.