Messaging on a dating site: what to say in the intro?

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So I've been around on OK Cupid now for a few weeks. With the help of someone, I sent a message to a gal I thought was interesting. We ended up talking, meeting, and things have been alright for a few weeks. But I just see her as a friend.

So now I've been messaging more gals out there, and obviously I'm not doing something right since I don't get replies in return.

So, what is it you are supposed to say during the first message? Is there some sort of standard I should be following to not sound like an idiot?

No, there's no standard template. I'd get your friend to help you again.

Also, (and this can't be emphasized enough) dating is a numbers game that involves a percentage of rejection. There's no guarantee of response because you have no control after you hit "Send". You just have to keep putting yourself out there.

Does anyone find that fact that it is "a numbers game" (undoubtedly true) really really offputting? Whatever happened to romance? I think you probably could send out ten message's a day every day and get some 'tang out of it but doing so is pretty seedy. Maybe i should send out some messages though since lonliness is my usual complaint.

Somewhere on OK Cupid, OK I'll get the link: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/onlin ... st-message they have a mathematical analysis of what words and phrases tend to generate more responses. So use that to have a basic framework of how to structure what you're going to say, and then say it in that structure.

I think OkCupid is tough. I actually stopped my account. And, yes there are techniques. For one, something a common interest in her profile or finding something interest and getting her to open up about that. Example: I noticed you like rock climbing, I've been thinking of getting into that. What are some tips that you may have? By the way, you have a nice smile. Or, another example. I noticed that you really like the movie Inception. So do I. Going down your list of movies, I notice that you have a great taste in cinema. What is a movie that you would recommend that perhaps someone like me hasn't seen yet? By the way, that dress you are wearing in the photo is beautiful and really brings out the features in your face. Overall, I am very impressed by you and look forward to our future communications.

So, I don't know if those would work. But, those are just some thoughts. Hope that helps.

By the way, I would send out messages like this and only about one out of every 30 girl would respond. It was very off-putting. OkCupid is a very competitive site, I think mostly for the fact that it is free.

When I was on OKCupid, some guy kept showing up as a high percentage match (93%), but he didn't seem like my type. The sight kept prompting me to send a "lovely message". Still, open minded and Aspie, I couldn't deny the high percentage match. I sent an email saying "consider this you 'lovely message'". We've been married almost two months.

Yeah, it's off-putting, but that doesn't exclude romance. You're making the first hello and seeking a response. There's no room for real romance there; you don't know that person and they don't know you. Once you get that hello, it's your opportunity to cultivate the connection with romance. Sometimes that's not even enough (as the cliche says, it takes two). Another wrench in this machine is that I don't think the internet is sexy at all. It's not what I would consider a romantic medium. When someone says "romance", I think of real life context only. I can't be the only one. So, for internet "hello"s, I'd try not to have too big of an expectation. Try to use it as that step to get to a place where you can be romantic. And that's a numbers game.

Cause for example, the last one I had sent a message to - she mentioned she had some interest in the field of autism. So I started talking about how I was interested in that (never mentioning I had AS though), but never got a reply back.

Yeah, it's competitive out there. Maybe getting the first message to actually work for me skewed things in my mind.

OK Cupid says that only 30% of messages actually receive a response - about 1 in 3.

Even hyper-attractive people don't do much better than 50%, so yes, it's a numbers game - for everyone.

I usually start with a very brief attempt at saying something witty about their profile, then get more in-depth if there's a reponse. It's worked OK for me so far...

Then I like my chances for the next one, if the 1 in 3 holds true

Hey there, nice shoes..........wanna f**k?

Hey! That's the line I use!

Except I usually say "nice rack"...

I haven't had much luck with it though

That's where you're going wrong. Women like it when you compliment their shoes.

Oh, so that's why they throw their shoes at me when I use that line...

Well, I'm now 1-for-4. But it's alright, that's still a decent average in baseball. One these days I'll hit a home run.

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