How to be romantic without touching?

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I have an aversion to touching so no sex for us Makes me incredible sad as I want that interest, I want the fun, I want the intimacy with my DH of 13 1/2 years. What can I do? I can't do it without touching and touching is very uncomfortable.

Please help me!

wear gloves?

You might wanna put this in the mature forum.

Is all touching uncomfortable or just certain kinds of touch? I have an aversion to kissing, so I just took charge one day and told him I don't like kissing. We get along just fine without it. Also I have found it helps my comfort level if I am very forthright and clear about what I like and don't like so that I am in control of how I'm being touched.

OOPs! sorry. I am new and didn't realize there was one. Perhaps a mod. can move it?

We've had discussions about such things before outside the mature forum. I don't think there was anything explicit in your post that would require censorship into the mature forum. Your post is about aversion to touch. If some people have a pornographic imagination that's their problem.

I guess I have an aversion to kissing, I feel it's too germie and also the act itself just feels wrong. Even though I love my DH so deeply. I also feel that if I hug, he's gonna want more and I cannot do it. It makes us both sad but I just can't help it.

But like I said, I can hug my kids, and I have no problem with them sitting on my lap or snuggling with me. Go figure.

Maybe you can handle the kid's hugs because you have an element of control over your kids, but feel a lack of control over the marital touching? Maybe you just need to take control over how he is touching your body?

I think you are right. I know that his touch leads to other touching that I don't like. At least with the kids, it's just a snuggle with mom, KWIM?

I find that I have to speak quite harshly with my partner sometimes. Otherwise he gets carried away and won't listen. But I figure it's my body and I get to say what happens to my body. He respects that and so far this works for us.

Perhaps you could talk about romantic things? I don't know.

You say touching for you is uncomfortable, but is it only a specific type of touching? Maybe you could explore different ways of touching that don't necessarily preclude sex, like massage and cuddling, or simply sleeping close together. You might find that there are certain ways you like to be touched.

Romance and intimacy/sex aren't the same things at all in my opinion. To me romance isn't physical, and it's not just cliche tacky junk like "buying her flowers for no reason"...I've already given a whole big description of my opinion it on another thread. The gist is that it's about those special moments where two people needing nothing more than the company of one another for true happiness...now if you want intimacy, I can't help you. Sorry! >.<

This isn't only an Aspie issue - maybe that will help you feel less shame or guilt about it (if you do). Sex therapists (haven't been to one but have seen them on daytime talk shows Lol) always say to touch without other expectations. To touch without it ever leading to 'more'. Only that way can both parties relax, and enjoy the actual moment they are in.

As for other things to do... how about if he draws a bubble bath for you? Do you like the touch of water or is it any touch.

You can write little notes and leave them where the other will find them. They can be romantic or silly. The thing is you know the other one is thinking of you. It may not seem a big thing but we used to do that (more factually, I did, Lol) and I know it was missed later when that stopped.

If you like food or wine you can give each other those types of gifts now and then. Same with flowers, or a video game or whatever might make the other one smile. It doesn't have to be typical romantic stuff like you'd see on a Hallmark card.

How about going on a helicopter ride (if you both like heights) or some small weekend trip... do things together, whatever your common interests are. It's hard to say more without knowing more about either one of you though...

But certainly there are many romantic things which don't require touch. The sense of smell is another. Candles, lotions. Do you enjoy beautiful things? Bring each other home something pretty to look at... a painting, anything. Also, maybe if you both took massage lessons... and so you knew what exactly to expect every time... you could eventually learn to give each other massages, and even come to enjoy some type of touch. Massages generally follow a specific pattern. Good luck. My advice feels kind of clunky but maybe some of it will inspire your own idea.

I appreciate all the responses! What wonderful ideas! Now to have my DH understand that romance does not have to have sex in it. He's a sex-aholic

I have found that if I initiate touching, it feels good but if it's unexpected, I hate it!

One thing we do that I think is very romantic but not sexual is that at night we lay in bed together by a dim light and I read to him. He'd read to me as well but my aspie partner is severely dyslexic. I read out loud to him from whatever novel I am currently reading. Lately I've been reading ''The Night Listener' by Armistead Maupin. We both enjoy this book very much.