Cheating on Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Wife/Husband

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Any aspies here ever cheated? If you have how did you feel and why did you do it?

Also, did you tell the truth to your partner and did they forgive you?

No, I've never cheated, but I haven't had that many relationships, mainly because I don't want them. Even so, you have to be a certain type of person to cheat, and sex drive is a strong indicator of propensity toward cheating, as well as your interests (I mean superficial interests versus genuine interests) and many other things that I could overthink. Superficial people are cheaters because they have a superficial interest in others. Usually, superficial people are interested in superficial things, such as Jersey Shore, and Ke$ha type of music, or more specifically, going to the clubs and dancing to music like that, or getting drunk all the time, etc. Again, I mean if someone has a genuine interest in superficial things, not a passive interest. We all know a few people like that. Think of the popular kids in high school who went to parties, and you get the idea.

I have NOT and never will...at least that is the goal.

I know of at least two girls who have cheated on their boyfriends and they were the last two people on earth I ever expected to do such a thing. Neither girl was right in the head as I've come to realized. People need to get their priorities straight and realize that cheating is just an awful thing to do and is about as low as you can get for a person. If you have feelings for another or are dissatisfied with your current relationship than better to be honest about it now than go sneaking around the back to get caught later.

Edit: excuse me for that typo. Nothing is more embarrassing than making a statement and missing the most critical word in it to state your point .

Last edited by raisedbyignorance on 13 Feb 2011, 2:48 am, edited 2 times in total.

It's an act of total desperation.

Well, there are certain scenarios where cheating isn't really cheating. For example, if it hasn't been established that the two people are exclusive (which I think is selfish, by the way, another reason I don't date) then you can't complain, because cheating isn't cheating unless rules have been established. Another example, which is a little bit different, is when someone WILL not let you breathe at all, and breaking up with them is next to impossible, so is it really cheating?

Also, here's something else that rarely ever gets mentioned. Cheating isn't just a reflection of the cheater.

Interesting. Do go on. How would cheating not reflect on the cheater so much?

In your first example, if its two people who have been going out with each other for some time but never established they were an item then they aren't. In that sense I agree that it would not be cheating since there wasn't a declared relationship there.

It IS however, dirty and immoral to date someone else if you're already dating another person. Anyone who does this can easily cheat on a declared partner.

Second example... sorry thats just lacking cojones from either party. All you need to do is tell the other person in the face 'its finished, we're over' and it IS over. If the other person cant get over (aka you mention 'impossible to break up, will not let you breathe at all, etc) it its their problem... you can go date another person.

and yes, cheating is 100% the cheater and no one else's. Thats as silly as saying that a thief isn't really at fault for stealing a home because someone left the door to their house unlocked. Clearly that is an invitation to come in and help yourself no?

Well lets say your significant other wants nothing to do with sex anymore. They flat out tell you they have no interest in anything sexual. You also know for a fact that it isn't because they are cheating but because they literally lost all interest in sex. You love this person a lot and want to stay with them but you also like having sex. This person is not open to the idea of you having sex with other people, ie, open relationship. Do you cheat in this situation? Just hypothetically speaking of course. I myself have never cheated and never would. I have been cheated on, to put it lightly at least, and it was one of the worst times of my life

Yes. I'm not proud of it but I don't regret it. I was in an abusive marriage, living in a foreign country, and was stubborn-headed about most things (as young twenty-somethings tend to be). Instead of doing the proper thing, which would have been leaving immediately and safely, I kept trying to "make my marriage work". As anyone knows, you can't make anything work. You can try to fix it but if it cannot be fixed, you're not going to make it work. So goes with marriage.

So, here I was stuck in the abusive cycle - as domestic abuse victims can very easily be trapped - of not realizing that everybody knows my marriage is abusive, that he's an out-of-control alcohol, and that I should leave and I just kept doing the best that I could every day. Meanwhile, I was diving further and further into depression and losing my self-worth by the moment. I wasn't allowed to work, I wasn't allowed to have friends, I wasn't allowed to leave the house at one point. I'd spend hours just looking out my apartment window at the neon lights of the gas station across the highway. It was a very lonely time.

One day, my ex-husband's criticism turned from "you're a whore who'll talk to anybody" to "you just say the same sh** over and over again. Go outside and have a conversation!" So, even though the idea of talking to strangers scared me to death, I leaped at the opportunity! I went over to the apartment of someone who was in my ex-husband's unit (this is US Army housing) to meet and speak to that man's wife. And I met her. And we had a conversation. I continued to go over there and our kids would play together. It was something normal people call... friendship.

Well, somewhere during all the friendship, a friend of my new friend's husband (also a soldier in the same unit) started coming over regularly. He wasn't single but his wife and him weren't exactly together. They'd had an extended separation and were reluctant to divorce because they had a child. They weren't, however, too reluctant not to sleep with other people and carry on as if they'd already been divorced. Anyway, he used his marriage and fatherhood to secure a 2 bedroom apartment in the housing. He had a sweet bachelor pad on the Army's dime.

Anyway, he and I got along very well. It turns out that I had completely forgotten how funny, pretty and worth someone's time I actually was. I was overwhelmed by the attention and the affection and he really didn't have to work too hard to get me. After he got to know my husband and was caught up on the situation (which happened pretty quickly with the way gossip spreads on an Army post), he became more concerned about me. He spent a lot of time with my ex-husband, watching him carefully and giving him advice on how to treat his wife, advising him to seek counseling for anger and alcoholism or else to send me back to the States so I could live a normal life, he ate over at our house a lot to make sure I was okay because he knew his presence would keep my ex from physically hurting me... there was a lot of things he did, in addition to the sex, that brought me back to life.

There were a lot of rumors about this soldier and I having an affair. Every bit of it was 100% right but we denied it and my ex-husband firmly believed we were telling the truth. His buddy was just "keeping an eye on" me, you know, making sure I'm not being that awful "whore" he knew I was. My ex-husband to this day still believes it was all rumor and that his buddy was his buddy and I was his wife and that kind of thing would never happen.

A year after I left, I was at the police station filing a police report for telephone harassment against my ex-husband (he drunk dials me) and I took out my wallet to fetch my ID for the officer. Somehow, a wallet-size photo of that soldier fell out of my wallet. The officer asked me, "If you hate this guy so much, why do you have a picture of him in your wallet?" I showed him the back of the picture, that it said a different man's name and said, "This wasn't the man I divorced. This is the man who saved my life."

Not many adulterers can claim they have saved a woman's life by sleeping with her but sure as the sun, he did. We keep in touch via Facebook now. Funny thing is that I wouldn't touch him these days, even if we were both single... not even for old time's sake. He's just not what "does it" for me. But he was definitely what I needed then.

So, cheating is bad, it's scummy, and people should leave a relationship rather than cheat. I'm not proud of it, but I don't regret it. It's weird how things work out sometimes.

Wow. That's fantastic. I am glad you made it back safely! I too have been seriously too stubborn but nothing had happened to this extent, and I am really glad you are safe now. Who knows what life choices one would make if the context was different.

Last edited by jamesongerbil on 07 Feb 2011, 10:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Interesting question.

Regardless of situation I wouldn't go behind my significant others' back and do it. If lack of sex is that crippling then it either needs to be worked out together or it needs to end.

Wefunction: You had seriously mitigating circumstances though. The moment the abuse began that relationship was over.

I've never cheated. But then again I've never had anybody to cheat ON.

It doesnt seem that Aspies are any different to NT people then regarding cheating?

I am NT with an Aspie bf who has cheated on me a number of times. He now says he has told me the whole truth and does not want to cheat again....do I believe him?

Eh I've never actually cheated, I one time did something that was labeled as cheating by the girl I was with when confronted about it by one of our mutual friends who I didn't want to be friends with anymore because she was a manipulative b***h. Hell I told the girlfriend what I was doing but apparently she thought I was kidding. I've apologized at least 3-4 times since.

Never have and never intend too. I don't see the point

Nope. Move on.