typical love life for male aspie

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hello im a 22 year old male aspie & i was wondering what is a typical love life for me? i have never had a girlfriend and have only had one girl who was a friend for a short period of time. this is a nauseating time of year for me with amorous couples everywhere you look. when do most male aspies get their first girlfriend? i should be mentioned, however, that i am not only an aspie, but also extremely unstable and lazy (perhaps it is related to the illness). my motivation fluctuates like the stock market going haywire, where most of the year i dont have any motivation. i am unemployed, out of school and pretty much isolated from society save my daily walk outside (aka. fast food trip). i have also recently mixed up lust and love, as at times i find myself looking for a girl to sleep with.

You fit the pattern.



Yes it could be. Check out 'executive function disorder'.

Instability can have any number of causes.



I think you will have to work on some of those things before you jump to getting into dating/intimate relationships



Sounds normal.

Like Moog says, most of what you say sounds typical. I had my first intimate relationship at 21. And, most men (but not all) seek lust more so than actual love. This just doesn't only apply to males with autism.

Depends if you go to parties and tend to get drunk around permissive girls, things just happen sometimes....

The only time females are interested in me is when they are not good enough, so I dont care.
If they're anywhere near good enough, they're never interested. I think I've met 2 females who were interested and compatible enough in 29 years. Obviously the early third or so is irrelevant.

Laziness - I dont mind work but I hate going to work usually as the alienation and malaise builds gradually during the tenure of employment. Eventually I have to quit or get fired because I'm so stressed out I misbehave. Then I have to stay in the house for a while until the alienation subsides so I am often unemployed for months at a time, until I am very low on money to the point where I get scared about being able to pay the rent. I have long fantasized of some kind of job that doesn't involve much interaction.

Likely single through much of your 20's, solving your problems with ambition, beer, or both, and marrying somewhere in your 30's.

You've got a big decade ahead of you and likely I'm thinking its the next biggest headache to you're high school years that you'll likely have to endure again in your life. Just try to enjoy it for what it is and not be too hard on yourself for what's too lymbic in other people to have under your control (regardless of who tries to tell you that you're coming up short for being single - that's great, see where that philosophy lands them later...).

I have a very similar job situation. One tactic I've run across is 'family situation' (and keep it vague) as a way to half quit.

I don't like Valentine's Day either, I'll tell you that.

Okay, you don't need to be perfect. She will like you for little reasons, you will ping-pong it back and forth as you get to know each other.

As far as practical advice, maybe a woman two or three years older than yourself, as roughly your equal as far as the intensity of intellectual interests. Maybe. But don't sell yourself short.

Perhaps political groups, artistic groups, etc (these groups have just as much posturing and hierarchy as any other group, and that's disappointing. But then, besides hearing some new music, might find yourself talking with someone really interesting, as you reveal medium parts about yourself and asking her what about her and being open to her. And it will go amazingly well, without much effort, just that bouncing back and forth)

Hope you stay used to your own company
How "good" do you think you are?

you sound exactly like me, but i'm 24 and in the exact same situation as you. i'm still waiting for my first girlfriend and the only good advice i've had recently is to stop obsessing and searching for one just let it all happen. you'll end up meeting a girl who gets you, thru someone who you like and likes you as well and understands you. hope this helps

Indeed

I second this as this has always seemed to work for me.



I have known many non-aspie males around your age to be just like you (when I was around that age myself), so I don't think it is necessarily the Asperger's that makes you this way. However, I do appreciate that having Asperger's may make it more difficult for you to break out of the cycle in which you are currently living. I think you are being held back by,as you have admitted yourself, your isolation from society. You are never going to get noticed (whether it be by seeking or just letting it happen) if you only go out to get your fast food. If you feel they are a big problem, perhaps you need to go and speak to a professional about how you can become more stable and increase your motivation as this will instantly open up your options. It will make you more confident as well as I suspect that you are lacking in this too. Also, once you become more motivated, you are more likely to find employment. Believe me when I say that, at 22, you are still a young man and, provided you tackle anything you deem to be an issue for you now, you may see some positive outcomes later on. The longer you leave it, the harder it will get and the more consumed you will be by a rut that you will find increasingly difficult to get out of (trust me, I've been here before and it wasn't fun for me either).

As to the lust/love thing? I think everyone has their own perosnal definition of what love is to them, but wanting to sleep with someone is simply lust. But hey, at least you can admit that and there's nothing wrong with it provided that, if you find a girl to sleep with, you make it clear that that's all you want

If you want to catch fish, you need to put bait on a hook. if your bait gets nibbled off by a non taker, you need to replace your bait. More than 1 hook can catch a fish quicker.

Even though 2 fishermen may have the same bait hook line and sinker, different parts of the stream my contain more or less fish.

Somedays the fish dont bite and its best to go home and eat lemons

Guys have to be careful around that. Drunk women cannot legally consent to sex and someone could wind up being charged with rape.

I'm 28 and still haven't had one yet. I dunno what the average is, though.


Maybe I'm the outlier, but this doesn't work for me. On the other hand, the less obsessed I get over it, the less time I spend depressed about it.

At least other people are the same boat as me, although i'm only 18 but i,ve felt this paranoia that people know I have AS and, thats reason why I don't have a girlfriend