Getting past Hi, how are you? Good....

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I'm a young person who was recently diagnosed with high-functioning AS (I'm not low-functioning, I can get away with "acting NT" in public) but I'm having many issues with getting passed that first stage of conversation. People are generally pretty ok towards me, because I always smile and say "Hello, how are you, good, how are you" and all that... but that's as far as I can get. It's not that I'm nervous about moving forward from that point, I just have no idea what to say... what's appropriate to say for that point in time.

And another thing- I'm not sure if other individuals with AS experience this, but whenever something social goes on around me, I kind of lock down and go into "Autistic mode".... For example, the other day in class I'm fine all throughout the lesson, but then in the last few minutes when we were left to socialize, everyone else was around me and chatting and laughing and everything and I was like... well I wish I could be doing that, but I can't, so then I just kind of locked down and started madly scribbling nonsense words on a paper so it looks like the reason I'm not engaging in conversation is because I'm working.

I still do that and I'm an older guy. I've never been good at that.

At least you try.

My mom always told me when in doubt to say. "I like your shoes".....and boy is that dumb. It has to be somethng natural.

Hope I don't discourage you too much, but I'm 32 and in the same situation. I never know what to talk about after that. I'm the kind of guy that only talks if there's something I need to know or if I feel I need to provide information to someone else. Therefore, it makes it hard to move beyond the, "Hi, how are you?" bit. That person will respond with "good" or "not bad" or something along those lines and that's that. I don't want to talk about my interests because most likely, she won't be interested in them and I don't know what she's interested in so you can't talk about that. The logical thing of simply asking what she's interested is socially unacceptable and you have to build toward that with meaningless/boring/pointless/uninformative small talk.

Ask the person if they are in school what is their favorite subject and why...What is their favorite TV show and why...Favorite sport...What major are they and why...Favorite book/writer and why...You need to connect with their interests and find out why they are interested in those interests. And, I personally should take this advice more often because it works. Also, don't hesitate to ask these questions. You need to move quick.

But you have to be able to transition into those kinds of questions. Let's say you're standing in line at a grocery checkout line and a girl is behind (or in front of you in line) you can give them a quick, "Hey, how's it going?" They'll reply, "Pretty good." Just asking, what their favorite TV show is at that point without even knowing if they even like TV at all seems like it would be a put off. Maybe it's not and this is just something I need to learn and realize, but it just doesn't make sense. It would seem to me that based on the situation the two of you are in, you'd have to talk about something that's contextually relevant to start to build a rapport with them before you start asking about things like that. If you don't know if they like sports at all, asking what their favorite sport is seems kind of silly and just asking if they like sports with absolutely zero context or anything around even related to that seems to me like a social mistake.

Really? One of the very few ways I know how to communicate with people is to ask what they're interested in and hope I know enough about something to talk back about it. Otherwise I am very bad at thinking about things to say.

Using the scenario I mentioned in my last post about being in the grocery line still seems weird though. "Hey, how's it going?" you say. She replies with, "I'm doing alright." You respond with, "What are you interested in?" Even though it's only metaphorically, I'd still see the red flags springing up around her. My limited social skills tells me there needs to be a bridge to transition from the introduction to asking that kind of question.

I wouldn't ask that quickly, but then again I wouldn't talk to anyone in public like that in the first place.

When i dont have anything to say i talk about what i am into at the time..
I remember going out with this chick.. in the beginning i had no idea wtf to say to her so i started talking about my obsessive interests..

2 things you dont talk about on the 1st few dates.. Religion and politics.. My 2 obsessive interests.. Religion and politics.. Ironically the relationship lasted only 2 yrs but meh.. some people are just lame like that.

That doesn't work either. If I have no idea what a girl's interests are, the last thing I want to do is start talking about Magic: The Gathering or video games. Cooking might be acceptable, but I'd still need to figure out how to transition into that.

Thanks for the replies

Yeah, I agree that part of the problem is when/how to say that, it's not like you'd go "Hello, how are you?" "Good" "Do you do any sports"? At least I *think* that would be awkward.... Anyway, the transitions are a big problem for me.

And if I start talking about my obsessive interests, I start talking faster and spewing all sorts of complicated stuff (like computer programming) and then even though she won't be "offended" by me, she'll think I'm weird.

Meeting someone at a chance encounter like that is about the only chance I have, unfortunately.

I cannot do this. I only get to know people slowly through frequent proximity, like work.

Ideally, that would be great, however, I haven't worked with or near a female in almost 5 years. I'm not in school, and only guys attend the social activities I participate in.

"how are you doing?" is pretty boring. Don't blame you for not being able to carry a conversation past that. I'd probably lose interest before I got an answer.

Try asking a more fun question you'd actually wanna stick around for.

In my mind, the "How are you doing? / How's it going?" type question is more of a greeting than an actual question.