What was your wedding like?

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For those of you who are married, what was your wedding like?

I'm getting married in April and we're having a pretty formal, traditional type wedding. Neither my husband nor I have very many friends (okay, we have none) so there won't be any people our age at the wedding. Also all of our bridesmaids and men of honour are all family members. I'm kind of nervous about how obligated I'll be to chat and do normal wedding things like dance, honestly I can really see both myself and my fiance just sitting at our table the whole time staring into space. I like doing things like planning what the flowers will be like and what the colours will be and what kind of cake we'll have, but the actual wedding itself...well, I kind of wish I could just plan it and then not show up or look at the wedding through a window or something!

What was your wedding like? Was it low-key, formal, small, and did you have lots of your friends come? Also did you enjoy it?

Sadly, I don't really remember. It's a memory thing. In general I have poor recall of many significant events. I think it's because I am often emotionally disconnected with my external environment and they say that strong emotions are necessary to make strong memories.

I hated all 3 of my weddings. The best one was the second one, because it was very low-key. I think it's a necessary evil for most men, but they can probably stand it easier than I can. The first one was a biggie, I survived it by avoiding most of the ritual things - we left early and didn't even say goodbye to the guests (didn't want them gushing over us or playing pranks, and frankly they didn't look interested in us anyway, so we left them to their party). I really can't stand fuss and pomp. I don't identify with mainstream society and I don't want a ceremony that just follows their social or religious mores.

I'd like a proper wedding one day, where I actually liked the clothes I'd chosen and had a big say in the way everything was done. It would be nice if nobody wore suits and everything was homespun rather than corporate. I think I'd get some hippies to help with designing the wedding. End it with a nice celidh and a few songs from me. Maximum number of persons - about 20. Handwritten invitations on beautiful but unpretentious stationery designed and printed at home. No tradition to be obeyed unless both bride and groom want it that way. No ostentatious resource displays. No limousines, page boys, bossy photographers, ministers or servants. No profit bonanza for capitalist caterers - just volunteers helping out. No stereotyped rituals. Wedding vows to be drawn up by the couple.

Actually it's only in the last couple of years that I've come to see any point in getting wed at all. I used to think that 2 people should just live together. Still no problem with that, but I can see how a wedding can be a statement to the rest of the world that we've made a definitive claim on each other.

Ours was a deep, dark secret. The only way anyone; even family and friends, found out about it, is our tattooed wedding bands. NO party, no church, no throwing (wasting) perfectly good rice, no unwanted and expensive wedding presents, and no costly alcohol, no music, no wedding dress to pay $1000s for (only to sit and get moth holes in the closet for the next 60 years), and no honeymoon trip to catch cholera on.

Charles

What an interesting question.

My wedding, at the age of 22, was the first in a long series of weddings among many of my friends. (My divorce took much the same lead.) As a result I had no real experience attending weddings to know what I would and would not like and if I were ever to do it again it would be vastly different.

We got married in one province in a small ceremony with three friends -- two to sign as witnesses and a third to take pictures -- to have the marriage registered in that jurisdiction. Nine days later my parents threw a large bash on their lawn with a guest list of around 120 people, including friends from many parts of our lives, along with home-made variations of a lot of traditions with which I had virtually no involvement. My wife and my parents sat down and drew up the ceremony drawing very loosely from Jewish tradition, my great uncle who the family long said should have been a rabbi officiated, my parents hired a 3-member Klezmer band more used to playing bar mitzvahs than weddings, we broke a lightbulb after drinking a glass of water instead of a glass after having wine, and disappeared into a tent for the reception where my father and brother brought out a large and fairly frozen 3-layer 72-egg chocolate mousse wedding cake that my mother had made. I had asked my mother to pre-cut our first slice into the frozen mass so we'd be able to cut it, but she only made one of the cuts, not both. We did not have assigned seating at the reception and so everyone was reluctant to sit at the tables nearest us and they stayed empty, my father-in-law got food before we were prepared to serve it breaking the whole chain of events, and when we took off mid-afternoon our 11-year old car trailed a piece of twine with several delabeled food cans attached, which we cut off at the end of the driveway and left in my parents' mailbox, which they delivered to us weeks later hidden among the rest of our wedding gifts. One of my cousins took a video of the whole ceremony which was never shared and the only photo I remember of the wedding is us walking back up the aisle after the ceremony with me making a horrible but happy scowl as dyed rice flew all around me.

We had been together since mid-high school so had few friends that were not in common. Our friends from high school and university came and met each other and rather than a bachelor party or anything of that nature the night before the wedding we sat around a campfire and had smores, talked, and performed party tricks. It was very pleasant, quiet, and relaxed.

As another poster said, I tend to be very detached and my memories of the wedding are rather external and factual. It was an event at which I attended and I found myself socially awkward and unable to speak. I made no speech even when, in retrospect, one was expected, did not dance, though a dance floor had been built, and smiled broadly a lot.

$25, a courthouse, and fast food. Wouldn't have it any different. All that matters is who I married.

I lived happily ever after... wait, I was just dreaming.

If I was married though, I don't think it would be a traditional one, maybe it will be I don't know?

£18 for the marriage licence, three weeks notice (legally required) and 7 members of our immediate family attended. We took everyone to our favourite curry house for lunch (£35) and then asked all our friends round to our flat for drinks in the evening, so we could tell them (they didn't believe us). It was a very good day and reflects what is important in our relationship.

I got through it O.K.
Rather than repost here's a few of my links:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp3077129.html#3077129

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp3047113.html#3047113

I have been married twice and both times were very small and at churchs where I felt comfortable. Both times I got very upset at the prospect of walking in and down the aisle with people looking at me. I had a small sit down dinner at a restaurant the first time and just cake and punch in the hall at the church the second time. I could not in any way handle a big wedding or reception with all of the dancing and people looking at me. I was extremely nervous both times but looking at the pictures the ceremonies were very appropriate and nice.

At her home [I was moving in by her]. Officiating, her stepfather. Catering by her niece. Attendees - a mid-sized livingroomful of immediate family and a VERY few close friends. Departure fromthe state immediately afterwards.

Still stress, but manageable - the worst point was talking with family who were also wedding party the night before.

http://www.ringling.org/cadmansion.aspx

That was pricey, but it's beauty, history, fine art, circus, love and controversy all rolled into one. Not only was it expensive, it was a hassle to plan. They have all these restrictions (and rightfully so) but the person in charge of booking special events was so impossible to get ahold of. She never returned calls. I had to physically appear in her office twice. For someone who was trying to keep a wedding not-a-big-deal, she was making it a big deal and not in a good way.

The vows were at sunset on the lanai overlooking the Gulf of Mexico. We had under 20 people there and outside of our children, none of them were related to us. We served dessert and very sweet champagne. My dress cost $100. He already owned a tux. The boys wore nice suits from Sears and the girls wore nice sundresses with white shrugs. My MOH wore a beautiful sundress and flip-flops. The Best Man wore a simple suit and ditched the jacket and tie right after the ceremony. We didn't have a professional photographer, we all just took pictures as we pleased. We hired a female retired judge off the web officiate the wedding. Our music was a playlist on my iPod. My "bouquet" was a simple gathering of six white roses.

No chicken dance. No hokey-pokey. No polkas. No garter toss. No bouquet toss.

It was fairly large, not real formal, sit down dinner but no dance.
It was all a bit of a blur, we did have lots of friends there, but I don't feel that we really had much opportunity to visit much with any of them. I think by the time the reception started I was in sensory overload, I really don't remember much of it.
We were kept pretty busy with photographs, toasts, etc. so we didn't just sit there but if I had to do things over again, I would have had a smaller wedding and tried to please others less.
I wish you well in yours.

We had a Elvis impersonator at the reception. That was for me. The rest was for my wife.

I had an outdoor wedding at a location that specifically does weddings. This was done for two reasons: one, I am a witch and my husband is Buddhist, and we have relatives who are phobic of non Judeo-Christian faiths; two, we were going to be out of town for a few months of the planning, so we needed some place that would do as much as possible for us. The only things we really had to do were talk to someone about the cake, flowers, and photography outside of the location; the DJ, linens, bartender, officient, and catering were all affiliated with the location.
The owner was very efficient. She showed us samples of table linens, asked us what colors we wanted, and typed it up while we were there. She asked us who needed to be escorted before the ceremony as far as relatives were concerned, if we wanted a seating chart, how many kids would be there, etc.
Later we had a meeting with the DJ, and he was great. He brought his laptop with him to show ideas for songs, got a feel for our personalities, and helped us figure out what we wanted. He even asked us what songs we didn't want played so nobody requested anything wildly inappropriate or music we didn't appreciate.
The best part was the catering. The place called us to schedule a tasting. We sat down, took notes on the foods we liked and didn't like and came to a decision. We were also given advice by the owner to avoid things like the breadsticks, Mexican menu, and Italian menu, and found out why at the tasting.
The bar was done in a way that the bartender was just there to serve, meaning we brought our own liquor. The place gave us a list based on the number of guests and said it was to give a general idea of what was needed.
The only things I would have changed was that my mother in-law insisted we invite 120 people; my husband was thinking 50 max, and I was thinking no more than 80. I also would have put the option to wear a costume in the invitations (it was the day before Halloween, so we got the wedding party to dress up).