Why don't I like anyone?

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Had another OK Cupid date the other night.

Yet another reasonably pleasant 90 minute conversation with a perfectly acceptable woman and yet I didn't feel a thing.

I know what "chemistry" feels like, but I haven't felt any in the 10 or so dates I've had so far this year.

It's not like I think I'm "too good" for them, I just would rather be alone than establish a relationship with someone I'm not really attracted to - I value my freedom too much I guess...

Have I become asexual? Have I lost my ability to be attracted to someone? Does anyone around here relate to what I'm talking about?

Maybe chemistry is actually kind of rare. Times that I have been immediately attracted to someone have certainly been no indication of the success of the relationship. I wonder if the majority of people just find someone they find suitable. I don't blame you for wanting it though.

Meh. Just stick with it and stay out there. It may take a while to find someone you have chemistry with but at least you know you're not willing to settle for a bad situation.

Yes, it certainly is rare.

After giving it a bit of thought I've come up with the obligatory Aspie logical definition:

Chemistry = (hours of effortless conversation, regardless of the time-of-day) + (romantically available, and interested female) + (the presence of a persistent, barely suppressable erection) [sorry, just being honest]

So yes, it's very rare.

I historically have settled for 2 out of 3, but I'm just not willing to do that anymore - and "Trifectas" used to be a lot more common for me than they are now.

I'm just having a hard time getting used to the idea of being alone for a long time/permanently, essentially by choice - and I won't even have the luxury of being able to whine about it!

I have to wonder if you are afraid of attachment? Attraction seems to be no problem. You seem to establish rapport easily (quite an accomplishment for a Aspie). I don't know what else to say.

If you don't look at your issues of attachment, you might not be able to figure this out. Thus, no woman will work out.

I also have to ask you if it's fair to the women you are dating to even try if the results seem to be the same all the time. Might not be good to be waiting their time or emotions.

Just some thoughts.

I am certainly afraid of attachment of any kind, partly because I value my freedom, and partly because I don't want to hurt anyone.

For the time being, I would be reasonably content with either a Platonic friendship or even FWB as long as it was perfectly clear what the relationship parameters were. Otherwise, I'll just have to wait for the "Trifecta"' which may never materialize, especially at my age...

I might have to start posting on PPR instead...

Whats PPR?

the politics, philosophy and religion forum.

I have dated...an am still kind of working on somebody like you. He actually said "be careful holding me too tight" the other day. Really, I think he's good enough to go wherever with him and his fear of being tied down is the only thing stopping us from being together. It's rather frustrating. He started the relationship all excited but admittedly, his only block, was that he knew he wanted to move.

This. Well... maybe not posting on PPR, cos it's a colossal waste of time. But find something else to do while you wait.

I don't think finding love is something you just decide to do, and then go out and do. It's not like shopping.

You might develop chemistry with some of your dates though, I'd keep hanging out with them if they don't completely bore you rigid.

I tried online dating for awhile. I don't think it was a very good filter to find people. It wasn't even about looks. There were good looking people, but looks only go so far. I more so need common interests, etc... I came to the conclusion that I just wasn't finding the right people on the dating sites I used and moved on. Besides, my nerdy dream guy is probably at home alone on the computer and not on a dating site.

I don't know that this is anything helpful, but I just wanted to say I've felt the same thing. I've been on dates with perfectly acceptable, good looking guys and just haven't felt anything. I also have a fear of commitment/attachment (I'm not sure what it's a fear of). It's not because of monogamy, it's because I feel like I owe my significant other a certain portion of my time and I just have my own interests/friends.

I don't think I've ever experienced "chemistry" or even "romantic attraction" and therefore have never attempted a conventional romantic relationship. However, that's been a constant all my life. I can't imagine becoming or un-becoming asexual. It could be that you are going through a phase of depression or anxiety. If that's the case then you can probably work through it and go back to the feelings you had before.

I haven't a clue what "chemistry" is. the only time I've felt anything close is with fictional giant robots.

Well at least he's being honest.

I think that several recent thread here demonstrate the dangers of overcommitting, which I think there is reasonable evidence to conclude that some Aspies are prone to do (myself included).

I just have this perception that a relationship is going to involve huge personal sacrifices and I am having a difficult time figuring out under what circumstances it would actually be worth it...

I can totally identify with this. My first boyfriend was someone I wasn't really attracted to - I guess I thought that placing too much importance on the physical side was being shallow, but actually I ended up being totally mean to him and when we broke up I was actually so relieved to not have to deal with him anymore. I guess this might be why I have a lot of trouble understanding the people who are desperate to be in a relationship.