Opinions on texting in a relationship

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Ohgodspiders
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14 Feb 2011, 1:16 pm

So I've been in a relationship for about 3-4 months now, and for the most part things are going well, with the exception of one little caveat. I text with my S.O way too often. She doesn't have unlimited minutes (neither do I) so we text quite a bit, and it's starting to become overwhelming. I don't want to be able to be at her finger tips at any moment. And while I can easily just not respond, I need a more long term solution.

It's an unhealthy amount of talking. There's days where I'll want to just chill and not be contacted, do whatever I want to do, etc etc. But knowing that I've received a message makes me feel bad when I consider not responding. And saying "i'm busy atm" always results in a :/

So, I guess what I'm asking for here is suggestions. Any kind will do.

Thanks!



TheWeirdPig
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14 Feb 2011, 1:30 pm

Ohgodspiders wrote:
So I've been in a relationship for about 3-4 months now, and for the most part things are going well, with the exception of one little caveat. I text with my S.O way too often. She doesn't have unlimited minutes (neither do I) so we text quite a bit, and it's starting to become overwhelming. I don't want to be able to be at her finger tips at any moment. And while I can easily just not respond, I need a more long term solution.

It's an unhealthy amount of talking. There's days where I'll want to just chill and not be contacted, do whatever I want to do, etc etc. But knowing that I've received a message makes me feel bad when I consider not responding. And saying "i'm busy atm" always results in a :/

So, I guess what I'm asking for here is suggestions. Any kind will do.

Thanks!


I was in a relationship where we texted all the time. We also talked and emailed, but the texting was constant. It finally got overwhelming. I would say, "I'm busy and will get back to you later," or "I'm not feeling well and need to rest." The funny thing was that she would wait a couple of hours and then get back to me. When I finally confronted her about the anxiety I was feeling about the texting, she broke it off. Of course, she broke it off via text message. Lovely.

What should you do? Tell her that you want to limit the texting. Find other ways to communicate. Get together with her (do people actually do that anymore?). Agree to talk at the end of the day. When you tell her you're busy and will get back to her later, follow through.

I hope this helps.



emlion
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14 Feb 2011, 1:34 pm

I think it depends on both of your emotional needs for contact.
I like contact every few hours & a text is a good way to do it because it's quick and easy.



Ohgodspiders
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14 Feb 2011, 1:41 pm

I agree that a text every now and then is fine, to check up, if anything interesting happens or anything to let me know. But it's so bad that it lasts for hours on end. This is my issue. I agree communication is important, vitally so. But 4+ hours of communication every day is taxing me. It used to be even higher, and on skype, which was even more tiring.

Thank you for your suggestion though



emlion
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14 Feb 2011, 1:43 pm

Oh I see. You meant constant texting? I couldn't stand that, I don't think.
I like a random text every couple of hours - but if it's like a proper conversation I run out of things to say and feel like i'm bothering him. >.<



wefunction
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14 Feb 2011, 1:47 pm

Here's a trick. Turn your phone off. Tell her the battery went dead and you were charging it. When you've had enough Me Time, say you just got her message when you turned it back on. An alternative to this is telling her that you forgot to take your cell off silent so you missed her messages until the moment that you responded.

or...

You can be honest with her that the amount of communication is suffocating you.

or...

You can simply realize this is a very petty thing to be complaining about and get over it. It's not like she's in your face.


Your reaction is really a stronger indication of a problem than her texting. You need to figure out why you're having such an adverse reaction to the concept of being available to your girlfriend whenever she wants to reach out to you.



TheWeirdPig
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14 Feb 2011, 1:50 pm

Another girl I was dating, we would never text each other. Then I texted her out of the blue while she was at work. She thought it was a very sweet surprise considering we almost never texted.



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14 Feb 2011, 2:13 pm

I text and gchat with my wife almost all day long, and have whenever we are apart for as long as we have been together. Every person has their own boundaries and it seems as though yours are not compatible with hers.


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astaut
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14 Feb 2011, 2:26 pm

I had a boyfriend who texted me all day long and then wanted to hang out every evening. It was really annoying. I think I was blunt with him and just said I didn't like texting :P

I would tell her that when you text her all day about what you've been up to, what you're thinking about, etc it cheapens the time you spend together because you've already been texting about it. And it would be more valuable to you to save some of that and talk to her on the phone/in person (I don't know if she's long distance or something). But, you'll probably have to accept that she's someone who just wants a reminder very often that you're thinking of her. So maybe try to encourage her to save the actual conversation part for in person/over the phone, but still send her messages like "miss you" or "thinking of you".

Do either of you have minutes after a certain time in the evening (free minutes after 7pm, etc)? Or over the weekends? Maybe you two should consider eliminating your texting/having less texts and more minutes. Also, try doing video skype with her so it's more like being in person.


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14 Feb 2011, 2:53 pm

I don't understand the problem, but if you don't like it, just tell her so. In a nice way, obviously.



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14 Feb 2011, 6:03 pm

Be honest and tell her that you care about her and don't mind checking in several times a day, but the constant texting overwhelms you. Be extremely kind about it so she doesn't feel insecure. If there was a problem in my relationship, I'd want the chance to address the issue.