miscarriage/ex/silent treatment posting again....

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So, I posted last time saying that my ex was giving me the silent treatment after i told him about our miscarriage. So, i needed a ride home from the hospital after some follow up treatment and he gave it to me. We talked and I said i'd like to get the relationship back to the start when we were just friends. he asked for a month to think about it and to work it out on paper. i'm giving that to him and letting him be the one to respond first as he would like it to be. i've known several aspies but none of them have ever asked for this much time to make a decision. is this normal and do you have any advice for me to make this work? he's a sweet guy but just very extreme in his slow and methodical thought processes. thanks.

Let him have his time to work it out.

What? You have suffered through a miscarriage, and he is giving you the silent treatment? The only time you need to give someone who punishes you for a miscarriage is time on their own- forever.

congrats on dodging the bullet

OK, so this could definitely be his aspergers and not him totally hating me I hope so!

What do you want from this situation? Is he someone that you really want in your life? These lengthy time periods just to figure out if he wants you... is that acceptable to you? Do you really want to be chasing him down to ask questions, pinning him down to get answers, and constantly be made to feel like you're not the first priority? Remember, you're not going to change him. Getting him to love you doesn't mean that you "win" anything or that he still won't make you the last thing he thinks about. Getting him to love you isn't the only way to tell if you're worthy of love. Please analyze what you have already been through, how his behavior has been, and if this is something that is truly something that you want in your life. You have to make decisions for you, not wait for someone else to make those decisions.

This is not the happiest of advice and I'm sorry, but I see you puppy-dogging him because he is a mystery wrapped in a riddle and that's not acceptable to me. You're clinging to someone who can't figure out if he loves the woman he had impregnated without having a month to work it out on paper. I don't care if he's an aspie. This isn't an aspie/nt problem. You need to find someone who actually cares about you.

well, there's a lot of other things kind of surrounding this but the miscarriage is what totally shut him down. i didn't give him his time to work it out after I told him because i didn't know he needed time. so, i kept pressuring him with calls, texts and emails and that made it worse. now, i'm giving him his space.

...and dodging the bullet? ouch. neither me or the ex would like to call it that at all. we're not teenagers. we could have been fine.

I'm confused. In your OP you said you wanted to make it work and in your last post you said you'd moved on.

It shouldn't take a man 30 days to figure out whether he wants the most basic of things - to go back to being friends. That sounds like a man who needs to work on himself before getting into relationships. If you miscarried, you needed support.... but HE was overwhelmed? No. That's not acceptable regardless of anything else that was going on.

I'm new to Asperger's having just been diagnosed recently. From what I understand, men and women have slightly different symptoms, so I can't really comment on his actions.

I have had several miscarriages (been through all sorts of tests without any real answers). I know that I reacted differently than normal people. Looking back, my reactions make more sense, but at the time, it was very difficult. There are personal dreams and expectations, family responsibilities to bring in the next generation, there was dealing with sympathy and questions of family and coworkers (both right after the miscarriages and those innocent comments of "when are you going to have kids?" or "do you have any kids?") and all of this while not knowing why. The unknown always causes me a lot of anxiety.

It may not be the silent treatment. It could be he doesn't know what to say and so he goes mute. He may also have confusion on what he's feeling, what he should be feeling and how to respond to the feelings. At least those are a few of the issues I had.

I think men deal with miscarriages differently than women. It's a more personal experience if you are a woman, but that doesn't mean it is just as traumatic for men.

If you want to talk to me privately about it, I'm happy to.

Sorry, apparently it double posted.