How do I get over my cousin crush?

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Yupa
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17 Jul 2006, 7:55 pm

So I've got this intense crush on her. I know it's not a sexual attraction, because there is a chemical distinction between a romantic crush and sexual desire, although I have sexually fantasized about her. It's obviously more of a romantic crush, since after visiting her immediate family for a week she's become one of my best friends. Most of my feelings towards her are of hero worship and admiration, and I willingly make a move to protect her when she's in any form of danger. However, there are two very important reasons to consider my feelings towards her wrong: 1. She already has a boyfriend and 2. She's my cousin.
I don't want my friendship with her to go away or my admiration. Nor, for that matter, my feelings of protection and my desire to be at her service in any way I possibly can.
However, these are the feelings that, when put together, make up my crush on her.
So, without ridding myself of the various distinct feelings that make up my crush, how do I get over it?



psych
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17 Jul 2006, 8:04 pm

Maybe you could try and see her more as a soulmate. Romance dies (often), see this as a unique special relationship that will withstand anything,and just be grateful that you have each other.

If it turns out it really was just a crush, you'll soon get over it anyway.



juliekitty
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17 Jul 2006, 8:14 pm

Sounds like courtly love to me.

Central to the courtly love ideal was the concept that the man was devoted to the woman but would never "get" her. Try the wiki; the reading may help you get a handle on what you're feeling: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtly_love

Definitely a good thing to try to make it over, though. Not really fair to any future girls if you still have this going on.



wobbegong
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17 Jul 2006, 8:30 pm

I got over my last unrequited love by spending as much time with him as I could. Like all day, several days a week. We could overlap on a volunteer project if I wanted, so I did.

Eventually being with him that much helped shatter some of my illusions about him, and while he continued to be charming, he could never make a decision about anything and he'd offer to help out in a way that was counterproductive, like offer to give me lifts places, that took me further away from where I wanted to go instead of closer and it was impossible for him to grasp the concept of a short detour or going out of his way. He was also completely crap at keeping promises. You got the feeling that he very much wanted too, he just always had way to much on his plate and that combined with a very short attention span, helped me get over him nicely.

So while I still like him as an occasional friend, I'm completely over the crush bit.



Aspie_Chav
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18 Jul 2006, 7:52 am

If I had a crush my (the word I shouldn't mention), I would die of enbarasment. To me it is more gayer then being gay.



jaguars_fan
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19 Jul 2006, 2:16 pm

I take it your from Tennessee where there the best way to pick up dates is at family reunions.



MagicMike
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19 Jul 2006, 8:48 pm

I thought it was Arkansas where family reunions also doubled as dating services. Seriously though, that's gross man, unless:

A) She's only legally a cousin (e.g. no blood relationship; maybe she's from an aunt's previous marriage before she married your uncle).
B) She is REALLY (and I am putting much emphasis on REALLY) hot.

Even then, this is really weird dude.



jaguars_fan
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20 Jul 2006, 4:22 pm

MagicMike wrote:
I thought it was Arkansas where family reunions also doubled as dating services. Seriously though, that's gross man, unless:

A) She's only legally a cousin (e.g. no blood relationship; maybe she's from an aunt's previous marriage before she married your uncle).
B) She is REALLY (and I am putting much emphasis on REALLY) hot.

Even then, this is really weird dude.

Trust me in Tennessee, imbreeding is pretty much the norm which might explain why the I.Q there is below average.



Yupa
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20 Jul 2006, 5:20 pm

jaguars_fan wrote:
Trust me in Tennessee, imbreeding is pretty much the norm which might explain why the I.Q there is below average.

It's spelled "inbreeding."



Pappy
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20 Jul 2006, 6:27 pm

n/a



Last edited by Pappy on 21 Jul 2006, 9:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ladakh
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21 Jul 2006, 3:48 pm

You have a crush on your cousin because she is your age, a girl, and is nice to you. Realize she most likely does not have a crush on you. You need to find someone like your cousin who likes you.
As for all you Aspies who shot this guy down for opening himself up to fellow Aspies- shame on you.



Yupa
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21 Jul 2006, 4:00 pm

ladakh wrote:
You have a crush on your cousin because she is your age, a girl... etc.


1.She's six years older than me
2. While her being female does largely factor into it, I'd probably have similiar feelings towards her even if she were a boy.



juliekitty
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21 Jul 2006, 8:48 pm

ladakh wrote:
As for all you Aspies who shot this guy down for opening himself up to fellow Aspies- shame on you.


I second that.



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21 Jul 2006, 9:42 pm

Yupa,

You need to let this crush pass if,

1) She's a 1st or 2nd cousin.

2) She's already spoken for.

It's kind of like dating a co-worker. If you don't want stupid drama, you just don't do it!!

If you love her that's O.K. just learn how to direct that love.


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All hail Comrade Napoleon!! !


juliekitty
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21 Jul 2006, 10:44 pm

Scrapheap wrote:
If you love her that's O.K. just learn how to direct that love.


try the wiki on courtly love dude. ;)



Yupa
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22 Jul 2006, 10:12 am

juliekitty wrote:
try the wiki on courtly love dude. ;)


I found it useful, and mostly, I agree with it, but I don't think the bits about secret confession/virtuous rejection apply to me. Or, for that matter, the bits about running off and commiting adultery.