How close does an Aspie really want to get?

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I have a couple of questions about my mild Aspie boyfriend. Most of the time we get on like a house on fire, but then he will do something that makes me think we are 'just friends' and I pull back. Recently we got ready to go to a formal dinner. I was dressed to the nines but he didn't compliment me at all, just made an obscure comment about where I had got the dress from. And yet, he frequently compliments his daughters' appearance when they are dressed up to go out. When we are out as a couple. he tends to socialise on his own. He seems to be in daily contact with his mother (he's in his mid-50s), is very attached to his adult children but also talks about having a long-term relationship with me. I guess I'd like some feedback on the compliments thing and whether it's too late to consider becoming an important part of this man's life.

You have a mild aspie boyfriend? Have you considered adding more chilli powder to the mix? Bit of coriander maybe?

Your expectations are probably detached from his perception. He probably needs to understand that you need reassurance and to be told where you stand and how he feels about you. We are quite bad for the most part at reciprocation and at reinforcement of what we say. There are people on the autistic spectrum who have entered into marriages who will say "I love you" at that point in the relationship. But then never feel the need to say it again, because they have already stated it and to say it again would be a repeat of their intentions that they have already (in their mind) made clear to you.

You probably are an important part of this man's life. He just hasn't made that clear to you. It isn't really rocket science to understand the aspie male you just gotta understand that were not going to present with emotions on the surface that you can read like a book. Sit him down and ask him to show you how much he cares and that you are someone who needs to be reminded why he cares for you.

Don't make ultimatums and don't threaten if you do not do X I don't think you love me anymore and i'm going to do X Y Z that ain't cool you will just stress yourself out unneccesarily and make him panic.

Thanks Laz - I'll keep that in mind. I have no intention of making any ultimatums. I don't want any relationship angst so I'd rather moderate my expectations and just enjoy the good times and see what happens.

You should look for ways he shows you he loves you that aren't so direct. For example, if he remembers some small detail about you that is important, or if he buys you something you said you wanted a long time ago.

I am not a guy, but I have trouble being direct with affection. I usually say "I love you" to people by making them something or remembering things they have told me that most people wouldn't.