when you love someone more than life itself

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how do you cope when things go wrong? how do you find the will to go on living? how do you keep from tying a rope around your neck or putting a gun to your head?
I know things are moving way too fast between us and I'm scared s**tless of losing my life if I lost her. No amount of drugs is going to help me through it, no amount of cutting, or talking, or drinking is going to help escape the pain. I know because I got to this point the other day and if we didn't work things out I probably wouldn't be here typing this. The pain was infinitely worse than any bout of depression that I've had in my 7 years of bipolar and borderline. Thats when I realized, there really is no way out except death.

As far as broken hearts go:

Time heals all wounds.. thats what I go by, I just ride it out.
Spend time with friends, have a laugh, increase your hours at work. Whatever you do, DON'T sit and wallow in it for weeks.. that will just make it seem worse. Sure it's natural to be upset, as I know what its like to get my heart broken.

Eventually other things in your life will replace the gap. You have to trust me and believe me on this.

Having fun with friends is a biggie for helping you feel better temperarily. If you don't have many friends, that's cool, you could watch some movies that you enjoy, or do things to try and better yourself like excersising more and getting fit, getting a new hair cut, community work or making little trinkets for friends or family.

I do not know how to say this in a way that will not hurt. I will just say it straight and directly. I apologize in advance.

If you say that you love someone more than life itself, then you should leave that person, because your love is a very unhealthy kind of love. It is not genuine love. It is actually a small temporary psychological problem.

Sorry to be harsh, but it is true, and I do not think it does any good to hide the truth of the situation. The fact of the matter is, if a person is in a relationship where they say stuff such as loving the person more than life itself, it is a broken illegitimate relationship that needs to end, in order to protect your mental health.

If someone told me that they love me more than life itself, I would stop speaking to them for 1 year, even if I felt love for them. You may think that is cruel, but it is less cruel than continuing the relationship.

I don't think so Emp. What I gather that he said was that of what I felt like I was in love with this girl of mine and I didn't want to lose her either. I was on the brink the edge about to fall into that dark pit of depression. I know what he means by if he lost her he wouldn't know what to do with him self. That is strong loving for some one other than himself. That's what love is.

No, what he describes is not legitimate love, it is desperate clinging, fanatical attachment, unhealthy obsession, fixation. When people are having problems in their life, or if they are inexperienced or immature in the relationships department, they are more likely to develop these sorts of illegitimate dysfunctional attachments.

What nihilist_void has said is characteristic of a person screaming out for help and support, absolutely desperate for it. He has come to believe that such support can/will only be provided through his relationship with this girl. That loving this girl and being loved by her is his salvation. It is a recipe for disaster, sure to result in even greater pain.

Last edited by emp on 10 Jul 2006, 9:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I knew it was getting to the point of being unhealthy. I told her a few times that I'm worried we're moving way too fast, and I was starting to feel uncomfortable from being so close emotionally, to the point where I became completely co-dependant on her. But she kept telling me to trust her and that she would never do anything to hurt me or leave me. But now I know thats not true. After what happened the other day I saw her in a whole new light.
Since she's been in my life, the 7 year fog of depression has lifted. I never knew it was possible to love someone this much or be that happy.

if I can't have her noone can

Obviously that is a bad kind of relationship that should be terminated.


Even in an excellent healthy loving relationship, the couple will still inadvertently do things that hurt each other. It is unavoidable and they must learn to deal with it.


That is a terrible, terrible thing to say. As I said, this love is not legitimate love.

dear god wtf did I do to deserve this?? I f*****g told my mom I wasn't ready but she kept pushing and pushing until this f*****g cvnt gouged her way into my heart like a f*****g parasitic intestinal worm that won't stop until I am dead. I can't imagine leaving her. but if she f***s me over bad enough I am going to off myself just to make everyone, especially her, pay

Nihlist, I've been where you are and it sucks. One thing to remember is that people with AS tend to latch onto other people in a very needy way. If we want to be with someone it HAS to be that person and it HAS to be every second of every day. We have a hard time accepting that other people have their own wants and needs, and that if they don't want us that is OK and their choice.

The mantra I used to get through the hard times was that if it were meant to be, nothing I could do would keep us apart. If it were meant to fail, nothing I could do would keep it together. I always said if I loved them, then I should set them free. If they come back, it was meant to be.

I don't want someone to be with me for any other reason than they want to. If they no longer want to be with me, why would I try to force them? Try to visualize what a future would be like if you could force someone to be with you, wouldn't it be miserable for both of you?

So, the best thing for me has always been to just trust that since every single person that has been through a bad breakup says time will heal the wound, they may be on to something. Not a single one has said it never hurt less. So, given that there is a 100% probability it will get better, I should tough it out and try to do a special interest that at least takes my mind off the situation for the moment. If you collected beer cans as a kid, get them back out, catalog them and sell some on e-bay. Garden. rebuild the hubs and crankset on your bicycle, and if that isn't enough do what I did and start offering to rebuild your neighbors bikes for free;)

It will pass, and anything that does not kill you will make you stronger, so know that if you make it through the storm you will come out the other side a better and more mature person that will be capable of more than you ever thought you would be. Weathering the pain, in my experience, only has good to come from it. It sucks on the way through, but the destination is better than I could have imagined without getting there.

What I have ended up with as the only acceptable belief system within my AS brain, is that If I love someone, it has to be unconditional. That means there is no condition that they ever be around me or that they even like me a little. I wish them happiness and if they think the most happiness is away from me, then that is what I want for them. Any other belief system results in pain, but that one never hurts, and always works. If my love has no conditions, then someone rejecting it cannot hurt me. Food for thought anyway.

I am sure you will be fine and everything will work out. If nothing else, tell yourself that some dude on the internets said it would be OK and use that to ride it out.

good luck,

Jester

What kind I say I'm a romatic aspie and an author.

When heartbroken, I just hole up in a dark room and spend entire days non-stop playing whatever FPS is out at the time, be it Quake III or Battlefront II, Unreal Tournament 2k4, or Call of Duty. Basically, I play enough FPS games that had I lived in Colorado post-Columbine, most people would probably be giving me a wide berth...but I'm no evil person; I just use computerized violence as a medium to channel my sexual frustration...bet you guys are glad I'm NOT in the Army, no?