AS boyfriend's reaction to parental deaths - any insight?

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I am NT and have been dating my AS boyfriend for almost 2 years. I adore him and we get along very well. However, within the last year both of my parents have died. Separately and unexpectedly within 6 months. Both 61 years old. At the times of their deaths my boyfriend supported me perfectly in his way. And I know that wasn't easy for him. I am not terribly demonstrative with my emotions. I prefer to keep them to myself. But I'm sure you can imagine that under the circumstances that hasn't always been easy this year. But I've done my best to handle this on my own and, for the most part, I prefer it that way.

Today is the one year anniversary of my father's death. I thought of him throughout the day but wasn't terribly upset or depressed, just glad to remember him. But I spent the evening with my boyfriend and we watched a movie which unexpectedly brought up the death of a parent and it overwhelmed me a bit. As I was leaving to go home, it was obvious that I wasn't my usual self and I told my boyfriend that I felt sad about my father and cried a little which I rarely do in front of anyone. He said he had noticed that I had been sad during the movie. He hugged me and said I was "exempt".

Can you provide any insight for me? I am afraid of driving him away by overwhelming him with my sad moments. For the most part when I'm with him, I'm not sad and we have a great time, but it's impossible for me to always be happy this year. Am I underestimating his ability to accept my mourning? I certainly don't want to do him a disservice along those lines. Will showing these sad moments overwhelm him and drive him away? And what does being "exempt" mean? I realize that everyone is different and has a different threshold for such things, but any insight you could provide would be greatly appreciated. My boyfriend is an amazing and fascinating man and I fear disrupting our balance.

Maybe he meant "exempt" that it's to be expected for you to be more sad and emotional today where tears are definitely allowed due to your father's anniversary.

I'm sorry for the loss of your parents.

I don't think you will drive him away by showing him when you are sad. People with AS are generally less reactive to other's emotions, not more reactive.

I am guessing that by hugging you and saying you were exempt he meant that you are exempt from the prohibition he might have about other people touching/hugging him or him touching or hugging other people.

In other words, I think he meant he is willing to physically comfort and show affection to you.

Have you considered seeking some counseling to deal with your grief, as well as your need to suppress and hide your emotions? I think your boyfriend has behaved admirably, especially for being an aspie, through the situations you've described so I don't see him as an issue in your post at all. I strongly recommend that you sit down with a counselor to talk out these feelings.

Yes, he's been amazing through the whole thing. I'm incredibly grateful and lucky to have him. Not just in this situation, but all the time!

Yes, I am seeing a therapist to help sort this stuff out. I just wanted to get a different perspective on it.

Thank you all for your feedback.

Aww... he sounds really sweet!

I honestly don't think it was intended in a 'ok, I'll let you away with it just this once' kind of way...

I think the use of the word 'exempt' was either a malapropism or maybe he was trying to say to your inner self that it was ok for you to allow yourself to show sadness and not feel you have to restrain yourself.

As the others here have said; I don't think there's a problem with you pushing him away because of your emotions. He might of said your exempt because he was trying to make a light hearted joke to try & cheer you up. Saying something like that isn't out of character for me & that's why I would of said something like that