If you have Aspergers what do you want in a relationship?

Post Reply New Topic

Do you want to be in a relationship or prefer to keep things casual? Also do you have problems with making the first move?

Relationships don't have to be a certain way. Couples can choose whether or not to go by the classic dating rules or not.

I would ultimately like to be married and have children of my own. I don't particularly want to keep it casual, as I'm not sure I can be bothered to stay in a relationship that just isn't going to lead to marriage. I don't know if your question covers the carnal side of things, but just in case it does, on account of being a Christian, I intend to leave that part until I am married (by the way, I'm not lying about that the way Britney Spears famously did).

I want a relationship but it has to be relatively relaxed. Basically I'm asking for the impossible because I need monogamy, I find anything else too confusing, and I'm unwilling to get into another situation like that and feel like I'm a bad person for not being able to deal with it. But at the same time this person is going to have to put up with seeing me only once, maybe twice a week, with a lot of long emails, and me not wanting to move in with them until I'm very, very sure it's right, or have children with them ever.

I like being in a relationship. I'm not afraid to make the first move, but I'm not any good at it. Nor does it seem to be necessary. Men usually pursue me when they are interested.

Unfortunately, just like I have trouble making the first move, I have trouble expressing that things need to slow down. Therefore I always end up rushing into relationships that I'm not ready to commit to yet. And then it's hard to get out.

Hm, well I'm always searching for that certain someone, but the biggest obstacle between her and me is myself. I've been in relationships before but I'm horrible at them. Basically I just don't understand how to behave once in such a position I suppose. The times I have I just continue living the exact same I always have and it falls apart very quickly. I just don't understand the whole "Now that we're dating/together/a couple/whatever we have to do everything together at all times, always". It's true that I want to be with the person that I'm in a relationship with and I enjoy being with them, I love being alone equally if not more. Problem is, that kind of distance is hard for many. But that's just how it is. Simply, my way or the highway to put it bluntly, heh.

Relationships were always difficult for me because I needed MUCH more personal time than the people I dated. I was accused of being aloof or even that I must be cheating because I was so distant. Then I met my husband, who is also on the spectrum, and for the first time in my life I finally understood what it felt like to be with someone more aloof than me! He's great! He keeps me wanting more instead of making me want to run the other direction.

Trust, Honor, Respect, Equality, and Acceptance! If the woman of my dreams told she loved for who I am, Asperger's or not, I would have achieved true happiness.

I hate the concept of the "casual relationship"... I need something deeper than that...

Other than that, there's commitment and stability too...

I'm not as in ned of time ot myself mereyl out of being shut in the house too much for my tastes But istill prefer more subdued social settings, as a result i'd prefer someone more socially outgoing than myself but still laid back in terms of their social circle. Also I'm not a fan of the idea of a casual relationship, so that wouldn't be acceptable for rme.

When I was younger maybe I could have done the casual relationship thing, but now I won't even try unless I think the relationship could become committed.

To be left alone most of the time.

I've never been in a relationship with someone I was besotted with though, pity.

I would like a guy with who I could travel the world together, and then settle down and have kids. Our relationship would be based primarily on friendship and understanding. If I can't find such a man, then I'd rather be single.

TimTex is right a relationship should be whatever the couple wants it to be. I guess it is question of finding that person who thinks along the same lines, with some tweaking here and there.

The type of relationship for me would not be to full on for a while, giving time to become accustomed to the relationship slowly, but having the basic mutual support without too much formality.

I like alone time, so ideally would hope to see them about once a week, though it would be OK if I saw them once a fortnight.

Would want to be able to talk to eachother on the same level, which really isn't that much of a requirement as there are many people you can have intelligent conversations with.

It is important we relate. This is a gut feeling over time. Not sure about this 'X understands me and Y doesn't understand me'. Truth be told: I barely understand myself, I just know a little more than in the past. Being able to relate to the other person is my focus rather than whether they are always in tune with my selfish needs.

I won’t date someone with kids. It is not hatred towards kids; it is just that I think it would be a bit advanced for me. Depending on the age group I relate less. I have only the vaguest idea what it is like to be a kid.

It is ok if they call me occasionally, but my telephone manner is not great. I wouldn't like it if they were texting/calling me several times a day. It is really distracting. Can do text and email. I will reply when I'm ready to.

Neediness or over possessive, controlling nature is a turn off. I'm not going cheat. I'd hope we'd try to trust each other. Any lack of trust on my part is most likely my problem, so I hope they'd take a similar view. It is entirely natural of course, that is one of the reasons why I want to take it slow. It would be great it if we both tried to leave any insecurities at the door or communicate them honestly before them become a major problem.

Sometimes I question my suitability for a relationship, but I realise this is self defeating. I had problem making the move but I'm still willing to try. I don't regret my mistakes. I probably would be able to handle the type of relationship that was on offer. I learn from it, despite my inexperience.