how would you find out info that's kinda touchy (i think)

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So, my aspie guy again...

It's always been confusing to me if he's attracted or not still. He's gone from talking about kids to kind of saying I was a fling. I'm OK with his confusion and I just go with the flow.

So, anyway, his new thing is almost angrily asking if I moved here for him. I ended up in the same town as him and there's no way I could of lined up the events that got me here. It's just a crazy coincidence. I won't lie. I'm happy that I still get to see him.

He is afraid of getting trapped in a relationship and has even said via a FB message that he can't give me what I need or want and he has to go in his own direction. I never really dug into that but I understand his fear of relationships. It's OK.

So, now multiple times, he's asked if I moved here for him. I was wondering what going with the flow and just ending up here would do. I hope I'm not scaring him. I'm just wondering if this is an odd approach to finding out how I feel. I'll admit, I'm just as confusing and not always honest. I haven't flat out told him that I still really like him.

This is the same guy that says "I expect those" when I hug him hehe. Gosh I love my hugs

I think telling him flat out that you like him is the first step.

I'm really thinking of doing just that. Last time I did, he didn't sleep for a week though!

He doesn't seem like an ideal person to start a relationship with. I had a relationship with a girl who was similar and it didn't go well at all.

Isn't it worth a shot though?
How will she know if she doesn't try?

Guess you got a point, but relationships that are started on this basis can be very painful. If she wants to risk that, it's her choice.

True. I'm a hopeless believer in love, so i'd personally give it a chance.

You had somebody that ended up where you were too? I think it's kind of creepy sometimes. Then other days, I'm OK with it. Just an odd occurrence but I'd like to hear about your case.

I don't want to go into too much detail, but one of my ex-girlfriends was rather emotionally unstable and didn't even know if she wanted a relationship or not, but she only told me this after we'd broken up like a million times. The whole thing was extremely on-off, but I really felt I loved her. She said she loved me but later admitted it wasn't true, again only after we'd broken up more than a few times. Even after that, I still tried to start a new relationship with her and work around the issues we had... Guess how that went?

I'm sure you can see how indecisiveness in relationships can cause painful problems. If you think you can sort things out enough with this guy that it won't be an issue, or if you're willing to take a risk, I wish you the best of luck. But bare in mind it can be shattering if it isn't working out as well as you think it is.

OK. Gotcha. Yeah, he hasn't been so much indecisive. He'd just never be the one to ask me out. My god you shoulda seen the panic I caused in him a year ago when I simply said "uhhhh. I like you". I thought I killed the poor guy. Then panic hit me too! It's funny to think about now. Then, about a week later, he reciprocated the feelings in such a sweet and cutely nervous way. Our break up was a result of my pushing, which I've learned after accidentally doing it twice, causes a negative reaction. I think that's an aspie thing? Too much push = overwhelming.

So, I'm kind of in the spot where I think I can finally talk to him clearly. We're both very nervous people...clones, i swear!

At least you didn't have a bad story about moving to the same spot! Gosh, some days I sit here and think...how in the world did I get here!?

Okay, so I am really confused now. Have you, or have you not told him?

Loving someone is hard when you have never experienced it. He may be afraid that he cannot reciprocate (and in truth he cannot) and that he will let you down.

If you moved to be near him, the stakes become immense. He may fear that you have risked/wasted your happiness on him and that he cannot ever come through for you.

The worst feeling I have ever experienced is remorse. I learned years ago that I will never be able to give a woman the emotional connection she naturally desires. Skill in bed has no impact if the emotional connection is not there.

He may be torn between the need he has for you and the love he feels for you. If he loves you, he cannot be with you as that would eliminate your hope of an emotional connection that he can never provide.

Being with you may make him feel selfish, like he is exploiting you for his own personal gain.

Selfishness = remorse

I would simply be direct. You arent a mind reader and you don't play one of tv. Tell him what you want, ask him what he wants. If he responds in a negative way, ask him if he thinks you should see each other at all?

Push the button in a face to face conversation.

And if he wants to end it, end it and see if he changes his mind after he's had some time to think about it.

Bottom line is, you are probably just going to drive yourself nuts until you tell him you like him. Gotta get the ball rolling first

I'm going to give the same advice I generally give. Be direct and tell him you like him. If you want to be with him, tell him so and let him react. We aspie guys don't chase the way NT guys do, so if you play hard to get or be coy or send any mixed signals, he'll just get irritated and think you're jerking him around. You're much likelier to be successful if you do the chasing. He'll need lots of guidance in being in a relationship and if you're willing to just tell him directly what he needs to do to be a good partner, he may surprise you.

Thanks so much for the help folks. He's digesting and working out a few thoughts over something right now but when we have another talk soon, I'll be direct with him. I remember asking him a year ago why he backed away once when we were getting a little serious and he said the only reason was because he knew he wanted to move away from our crappy city. It appears to be the same reason now when he clearly stated that he can't give me what I need and that he needs to go in his own direction. OH and just remembered! He also said "Be careful how tight you hold on to me". He sounded even more upset when he said that. Man! You folks are really helping me work with this guy I'm such a dummy. Why would he be all huggy and expecting hugs one moment and not giving me any other reason about things not working other than stuff that seems to be his own thoughts about himself.

Oh and one person mentioned me moving here for him...nope, didn't do that. I am simply living the greatest coincidence of my life. This is such a small out of the way town and I ended up out here at the same time as him. S.T.R.A.N.G.E (and still creepy )

I'll have to let him know that he's given me more than I could ever ask for and that I still have feelings for him. (Then I'll pass out in an awkward combo of fear and relief!)