Help!! ! Gay Aspie

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If there's one thing that sucks more that asking someone out , its being gay and asking someone out. You have no idea if someone else is gay, and added to rejection is the threat of hostility and violence. So anyways, there's this gorgeous guy in my class who I really like. So anyways, I was put in a group with him for a project last week, and again today. So anyways, we've been talking pretty well, about sports and Jersey Shore and parties, normal college stuff. So today after class, I worked up the courage to ask him to lunch. He said "not today, because I'm meeting some of my friends for lunch, but thanks for the offer, and maybe another day." He says this in a completely nice and serious way, and was not shocked or hostile to my question. What did his answer mean? Is he gay? Does he want to go to lunch with me? Does he have any idea what my true intention is? HELP!! !

I don't think it's really possible for anyone to give advice or even their take on the situation with the information you've given. We don't know much about your relationship other than standard small talk, don't ask how you asked him out, etc.

If you want my advice, though, I'd say to play it safe. Ask him, for example, if he has a girlfriend. A yes or no answer probably means that he's straight, or just in the closet.

As far as meeting people goes, have you tried looking for gay clubs in the area? Or seeing if there's sort of a gay/lesbian social group at your college? I don't really know what type of area you live in, but those would be good ways of meeting people without the pressure of "Is he straight?"

You have any gay friends or other friends with gaydar who may be able to assist you?

We have an LGBT forum here where you might be able to find some answers.

He's not gay! My youngest brother is gay and I asked him for advice. He's 38 and has been out since he was 12 years old. He has a LOT of experience - rejection, bashings, mental hospitals, suicide attemtps, psychotherapy, good hook-ups, bad hook-ups, bad bars, an aids scare, rape, you name it, he's experienced it. He has married his significant other in New Jersey. His heart is finally at peace. My bro said that if this guy you're talking about were gay, he would have taken your offer to get together straight away. A potential romantic get-together will always be more appealing to usual get togethers with other friends. He said your best bet is to know who is gay first off and then decide whether you want to date them. Don't read signals or guess based on what you think you see. Stay away from guys who are bisexual. Stay out of the bars. You need to get firmly entrenched into the gay community. Go to marches, rallies, gay-cruises, etc... Get a part-time job in a gay neighborhood or work for a gay newspaper. You have to network. It's hard for aspies but you have to work at it. My brother met his significant other through my sister who worked with him. He kept her company while she waited for my brother to pick her up from work because she was afraid to take the subway late at night. He decided to come out to my sister. She introduced them. The same things that made him friends with my sister made him much more to my brother. I'm very fond of him as well. My older brother is completely homophobic and thinks we are all sick...my sister especially for introducing the couple. You can't please everybody so you gotta please yourself.

Just because he already made plans to have lunch with his friends and didn't want to break them doesn't make him straight. We honestly don't know enough of the variables in this situation to make a decent hypothesis. It could've been his friend's birthday, or his friend could've been down, or maybe he just doesn't like the idea of ditching previously made plans to go hang out with a guy that he doesn't know all that well?

First off... Does he know you're gay? Are you open about it. He may think it is just to hang out as friends whether is is gay or straight. We're missing some important info. Do you suspect he is gay?

I do think it would be appropriate for you to ask about a girlfriend while working on your project. If he says no, ask if he has a boyfriend. You have nothing to lose. If he says no and is uncomfortable just play it off. (incredibly hard to do, I know).

Good luck and I hope you update us.

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no

Just because you get along well with him does NOT mean he is gay.
Plus the fact he rejected your offer in favor to be with his friends shows it too.

"maybe another day"

I think the way he said "maybe another day", suggests he is not so keen on arranging another meeting, if he said "yes another day", I would think he would be more keen.

Perhaps disclose information to him if you feel he could handle it,
Perhaps work on friendship more so than dating, so going to group gatherings etc, talking to others when he is in the room.

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I sometimes ask what bars they go to, to find out if the person is gay or not.

Goodluck

Well, you could have said "I can join you guys for lunch" maybe he might say yes to that? It's different from getting him to join for lunch.
The guy doesn't sound gay from what I've read though.