Lost hope in romance

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I just came out of the ashes of what was once the closest friendship I ever had with my only 'kindred spirit.' To top it off, it was also the girl that I was deeply in love. I know the errors were that she didn't know social cues, despite being an NT, and I didn't know social cues so we got too close to have a surviving relationship and friendship. To top it off, it ended almost exactly as a relationship I had with a girl that I was in love with two years ago.

I did my best. I had friends describe me as the perfect boyfriend, Prince Charming, Mr. Darcy, etc. I've been the incredible listener, I learn intimate details and things that they like about the women that I court, I follow what they like and find elements about their passion that I like even after the fallout with that girl, I remember dates, I romance them with dinners, gifts, and things that warms their nostalgia. I am naturally a good dresser, kept myself somewhat thin, funny, heartwarming, assertive, been an absolute gentleman, etc. You think of a quality that a woman wants in a man and I have done that.

Almost every woman I even dare to charm prefers someone more muscular, sexier, more extrovert, etc. I am not Bradley Cooper, but I damn well tried! I am a James Stewart stuck in a world wanting Dane Cook.

I learned that my errors have been giving too much and that I have to ask a girl whether they want to be a friend or something more. I have added a bit of alpha male, hide some shyness, but failed completely in preventing the 'nice guy' / selflessness behavior. However, the problem I've had is that I don't trust dating someone I don't really know. I always thought I could succeed by getting to know the girl and then dating her since that worked with my brother-in-law. It's quite disappointing realizing that it's just a pathetic farce. I have heard everything, from 'you're too good for her' to 'she abused your kindness.' But the fact is that I once loved this woman, and she isn't easy to shrug off, even if she recently became a 'total b**ch.'

I've caught myself staring at NT couples or individuals with children and smile but then think, "if only I was an NT, even for a day; maybe I wouldn't have such limiters and have a slimmer of some romance." I realized that I could not catch on social cues. Therefore, I do not know if the girl does not really care about me or when my selflessness is being abused. It has gotten so bad, that I need some adult 'wingman/wingwoman' to see if the girl is right for me or not. I realized that if you need someone to tell you on every step of the way what to do with the person you are courting, then you should not have romance at all. As romantic as I am, I should probably just forget romance and isolate myself from it. It has been a horrible paradox being a hopeless romantic and having Asperger's Syndrome.

I just need feedback, support, or even a virtual hug. I've lost all hope in finding love.

Selflessness is forgiving even the worst of what people are capable of. Selfishness is only forgiving only what is acceptable within bounds of your own emotions. Caring is remembering her eccentricities and ways and loving them. Arrogance is showering with gifts and expecting respect or love. Not caring is the quickest way to accidentally end up in a relationship - and being hopelessly romantic is the quickest way to a restraining order.... And the b word tends to be distasteful in any context.

Hence is my wisdom.

I have recently had my first break up where I was dumped by someone I really cared for and that had cared for me. I think that there were alot of mistakes made, but it was my first time being in a relationship so I know it takes many tries to get the hang of it. You learn alot from relationships, like what you are looking for, what you can do to not make the same mistakes, etc. I find that I do put my heart into love too much alot of the time. It's hard to get through relationships since each one is different. I find it's like jumping off a cliff into a dark abyss. Sometimes you get caught when you fall, but sometimes you are not. I think we have to take some time to shake off the dust and remember that there are pleanty more people out there.

at least ur nice ull find someone eventually. im a really mean person so i don't even talk to girls or make any effort

I think it is about treating yourself well and enjoying your life. And one day you will meet someone who wants to share in your romantic side.

Many girls would kill to get a guy like James Stewart.