Love vs. Co-Dependency

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I am curious to know what the difference is between the two, which constitutes which?

I've always viewed it as such

Co-dependency is a need to have someone else in order to complete yourself.

Love is some emotion that draws 2 or more people together in a relationship where they can better themselves while not totally losing themselves in the relationship.

I agree with DCxMagus.

I'll add, love is where you want to be with someone but that you don't need the other person to be complete.

I think I used to be co-dependant on my boyfriend - couldn't live without him.
Now I think i'd be fine on my own without him - but I love to be with him still.

Co-dependency is when two people equally base their needs on each other, making it impossible or extremely difficult to live without the other one. This appeals to functional aspects as well as emotional ones. Paying bills, making purchases, forming opinions, eating dinner, going to sleep at night... these are all forms of co-dependency if two people are unable to do these things without each other. Thinking that love is a magical force that overpowers the mind and body is a farce. People eagerly surrender self-control and independence with this myth. It makes love an excuse to become dependent upon another, make someone else responsible for your feelings, actions and life. No wonder so many people end up with a broken heart that makes them hate the world after merely breaking up with someone or not having their love returned!

Love is something you do, not something you feel. What you feel is affection. Sometimes there's even a chemistry between two people that makes that affection stronger. When someone decides to love another person - it is a choice - they commit to a series of acts of service to that other person. They make the choice to think of another person before themselves. They are still a complete person on their own - able to pay bills, form opinions, sustain friendships and watch movies - but they choose to live in a way that includes another person as a priority in their lives. When this is a mutual commitment and both people in a relationship love each other, you see two people who have placed each other as a priority. It might appear as co-dependency on the outside, but the critical difference is that these two people will still function and survive just fine without each other. Breaking up can still involve a period of grief because it's difficult to lose someone that you've made an important part of your life and feel such affection for, but you will still be able to earn a living, have friends and continue on to meet new people. People who truly love each other are people who have made a choice to include each other in their lives.

Co-dependency is for sissies.

Love is for real men.

Co-Dependency is when you are dependent on people who are dependent on you. My first marriage was a Co-Dependent marriage. I was a nurturer, very independent yet needed to be with someone, and on some wacky mission to change this person. He was an alcoholic, he beat me, but I saw "potential", and if he would only follow my guidelines we could have a great marriage, house, kids, picket fence. I would save him....if he would only stop drinking. We worked, I took care of him, gave him a home, money in the bank, he was supported, and he was my companion, and we shared the bills, he kept me from being lonely, he was the person in which to revolve my life around....I knew I could do better, I stayed anyway. That's Co Dependent.

Love is what I have now. I do not take care of him, he does not take care of me, we take care of each other. He could live without me and I could live without him, but neither of us "want" that. Our life isn't revolved around our problems, it revolves around our life, our family and what we both want out of our life. I don't do things for him just because he wants it, I do it because I love him, and I can say no if I can't do it and I won't feel guilty or inadequate, we talk, compromise, agree, ...the same goes for him with me. We share our lives, we don't control or nag each other in order to "change" the person, we don't have to take care of each other, we exist and live "together" yet, we are ourselves.

Read "Co-Dependent No More". I can't remember who it was by, but it was a good book.

I don't see anything wrong with co-dependency.

If two people are each somehow damaged but they can work together as a team to make their lives whole.....

Well, that is near enough to love for me.

This is good if you can find 2 people who are truely wanting to enhance each other's lives, but it's the "dependency" that's the problem. When things don't change and the relationship is dysfunctional and hurts you, do you stay anyway? or go? and why?

This is why I get so upset with people who blame battered women for staying in the relationship. There is so much more too it than that.

Love becomes Co-dependency whether you like it or not, but their is healthy co-dependency and unhealthy codependency, you see in old age, especially when one spouse passes away the other usually passes soon after, or in observing behavior of couples in old age, couples married for many years.
Whether you like it or not you are co-dependent before you even start dating, most of everybody has the notion that being in a relationship will provide someone for you to confide in, someone who is emotionally there, it may get you through the day thinking that you are going home and your lover will be there to hold each other.

The only reason independence is toughed to highly is because you will spend more money when you are independent then when you are a couple. Keeps the economy stimulated, divorce, break-ups are cash cows for the state, bars, clubs tissue paper ... etc etc.

I agree some space is healthy but I you want to be so independent you shouldn't be in a relationship , what's the point?

What about when someone stays in a relationship, giving up everything they stand for, out of fear that they will never meet anyone else?

This is settling for less than what they want, not necessarily co-dependency. They don't have a need for someone to be dependent on them for them to feel worthwhile, they just don't like being alone at any cost. They are different, but neither situation is good.

The longer they stay with this person the less chance they will have of meeting someone else more suited for them, and it's hard to meet people as it is. It's a huge red flag when someone says they are giving up everything they stand for. Eventually they will resent having to do that and the relationship will end, hopefully when they are young enough to start over and don't have a lot of assets to split up.

I am an Aspie and my wife is Bipolar.

We have been together for 38 years through hell and high water.

I assure you it hasn't been easy. Sometimes I must be the leader and sometimes she must be the leader.

Are we "co-dependent"?
No doubt we are but "united we stand"

We vowed to support each other and we will keep our vows till death us do part.

That's awesome!

Co-dependency is probably the only reason the divorce rate isn't closer to 90% than 50%. If two people live together for long enough, they tend to build their lives around the other person. For example, one person may make the salary but the other handles all the bills and budget and he'd have no clue how to handle his own finances, or one person keeps the house neat and tidy while the other handles the children. There's also simple things like when one person hates laundry and the other hates dishes and so they tend to each do the task the other one hates.

I think, if you subtract co-dependency out of the equation, you get very few "lifelong loves". I can honestly say I believe my parents, who have been married for 20+ years are basically running on co-dependency. My father can't do anything but work, and my mother psychologically needs someone to take care of.

What about when someone...

a) puts someone very high on a pedestal
b) makes long-term plans within the first couple of weeks into the relationship
c) cuts friends and family out of her life
d) stays in a place they don't really want to be, even if staying means not being able to find work, because the other person doesn't want to move---out of fear they won't meet anyone else