Romance

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The last few days have been great. I pulled an allnighter finishing my work, and after I took a nap the following day I woke up feeling like a whole new man.
I talked with a few friends, one of which, an R.A at my college, and friend of mine. Just got a girlfriend. I really feel happy for him.

All in all, it comes down to this. I have an ex girlfriend who cheated on me. Who is younger than me by two years, who still has a thing for me. I could very easily get back together with her, or I could be single, feeling lonely, and tell her that i dont want her anymore.

To be honest, it is true to some extent, I want a person who is self-sufficient, maybe a little more of their own person, willing to say what they want. Instead of this girl, who by all intent is a nice smart, good person.

So what do you guys think? Should I move on, or should I give her another chance?

moving on means I will be single an very alone for potentially a very long time. On top of that, she will feel hurt.

however, giving her another chance could hurt us both in the end....

I kinda need to know soon, by the way....

I generally think cheaters shouldn't get a second chance but can you tell us a little more about the cheating situation?

What's dead should stay dead.

If you still wanted to be with this girl that badly, you should have forgiven her at the time, to get back with her now, would only be a backwards step for you.

it became long distance, i had finals, made it clear i couldnt talk, she took that as a "break" when it was not, had sex with another guy, and a girl, then came crawling back to me after i found out and left her.

she was abused by said other guy after i left her, and she feels safe around me from people like that. as a friend i love her. you know. but maybe not so keen on the idea of getting back with her?

I HAVE FORGIVEN HER. its just that in my head, i cant really get that 100 percent thru

If you're sure it was a genuine miscommunication and she's not likely to do it again and you're happy enough that you won't hold grudges, then sure, why not.

OP, there's a difference between giving someone a second chance, and behaving as though they didn't cheat and break your heart. You can decide to resume a relationship with her, as long as she knows that it's her job to rebuild the trust you once had in her. She destroyed it - she's got to fix it. You've got to decide what that means to you (rebuilding the trust), and let her know what she has to do. If she agrees, give it a shot. If she screws up again, leave and don't look back.

There's no way to continue on acting as if the cheating never happened.

Instead of trying to rebuild a something that will only fall apart, just accept your losses now and move on.

so is the general consensus that i should give her anoter chance, and that she needs to rebuild the trust?

You should make your own choice. Ask yourself if you can trust her to be faithful this time. Are you ready to put your heart back in her hands?

Good luck with whatever you decide.

It's up to you to do the math.

What you want to try to do is discern whether someone is genuinely incapable of fidelity or if they just made a mistake. It's pretty difficult to do if you only have one example. You need to look at their history for evidence of that and carefully examine their statements to see if they are giving you the full story. And then match that assessment against your feelings for them to see what you can accept.

In either case this person is damaged goods on some level. Once someone is comfortable crossing that line they just arent going to have the same amount of respect for it in future. But it's a spectrum. Some people are just crazy and try very hard to hide it from others. They are seeking some kind of attention that you'll probably never understand and neither will they.

+1

If you try it again, don't lead with your heart. You know more about her than you did when you first started dating her - don't ignore what you've learned because you love her. She's got to own what she did. If she isn't willing to take that responsibility, I wouldn't go for round #2. But if she does own it, at least she has some character. That's essential to making it work between you two. Good luck.

I think that if you just want a hook-up, the cheating ex-girlfriend would be a good target because you're already familiar with each other and you always have a good out by reminding her that she cheated on you so you can't even be with her seriously. BUT if you're looking for a relationship, you're better off continuing to search for a more suitable match who won't break your trust and betray you. You know you want someone who's got their stuff together. She doesn't sound like she does. You're really too young to be messing with these kinds of trust issues. Maybe if you'd been together with her for 10+ years or something, I'd tell you to go to counseling and try to work it out; but, I think y'all should just keep going your separate ways.

IF she does not put out for you, then she is useless.

Lighten up.

She's only 17. That isn't even legal in some states.
You are only 19. You are young. Enjoy yourself.

If in a few years you fiance or your wife cheats on you then you will have something to worry about.

actually she isnt. shes a year older. shes legal.
i know im young.....thats why i want to know if i should continue this or look for another