A somewhat unique situation, advice?

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I have a rather large crush on a girl in a class group of mine. This has been very good for me, as I've been motivated to work out (my abs look awesome now!), study up on body language (which is how this situation was even able to arise), and find time to practice piano (fun, but difficult to fit in to my schedule). Since I read up on body language, I looked for what cues she was giving off. I was very happy to see lots of interest/attraction cues (not surprising, I am very interesting and attractive ), and even a few that could be construed as flirting cues. However, I have read that men tend to misread intentions behind those cues, so I've held off on getting too excited about that. No matter what, though, I am certain that I have at the very least built a new friendship.

The main reason why I'm going forward assuming those were not flirting cues is that she has a boyfriend. I initially decided to ignore that until a week ago, when he called her at the end of a group meeting. That reminder that she is taken sent me into a funk for the rest of that day and the next (extremely rare for me). I resigned myself to "oh well, I guess I'll just have to pine away from afar, like usual". That is, until I woke up the next day and thought a bit more.

I thought "You know what? Screw that, I have been proactive and awesome this semester, I am not going to stop now." I decided I would text her that afternoon and invite her to lunch the next day. I spent two solid hours after my last class psyching myself up to do it, and I finally did. I didn't get a response for five and a half hours (I thought she had just decided to ignore it rather than give me an outright rejection); it turns out she was asleep and she texted me back saying "Yeah, that would be great" around midnight. I spent a good five minutes doing my happy arm spaz.

We met up for lunch, and we had a solid eighty minutes of conversation with no awkward silences and without either of us being bored (I was watching for boredom cues, so I am certain of this). I had emailed my sister for advice beforehand, and she came up with a good way for me to pay for it just seeming like I was being nice, but that situation never presented itself; she paid separately.

That was probably way more background than necessary, but basically, I am not going to passively sit around and hope that she decides to like me instead of her boyfriend (at the same time, in no way am I going to try to break them up). How should I go about asking her to hang out again? My sister (who is extremely socially intuitive) seemed surprised that she even agreed to a one-on-one lunch in the first place. What is a good next step for me to take?

There are several possibilities to this situation, the first could be that she just has a flirtatious personality and she conducts herself in this manner with other males in general and you've analysed it too much.

Another possibility could be that her relationship with her boyfriend isn't appealing enough for her to stay with him or there could be problems with the relationship. Girls will usually dump their current boyfriend if they find better compatibility or a better deal elsewhere. If the relationship between her and her boyfriend isn't working, she could quite easily openly dump him and start dating you. Most high schools and college relationships don't work anyway, i'd say about 95% of them don't work out in the long-term and many of the girls in high school just date for shallow reasons such as status or not wanting to be single. I think it's best that you take the initiative now and make a move now, if she says no,try not to take it to heart or take it personally, just take it on the cheek and move on, It's better to try than not try at all. There's nothing to lose and something to gain if you approach this situation with the right outlook.

Thanks a bunch for reading and responding; that's good advice and it matches up with how I'm trying to go about it. For about the first hour after I texted her and was waiting for the response, I was pretty much terrified that she wouldn't answer. Then, I made myself stop caring and decided to be proud of myself for actually making a move for the first time in years ("Grow some g*dd*mn balls" is the phrase I believe I used psyching myself up to ask her, ).

I definitely have thought about the possibility she may just have that kind of personality too; the trouble is, I am the only guy I ever see her interact with (amazingly, at Georgia Tech, where there are .43 girls for every guy, I was randomly assigned to a group with two girls). I would love to see how she interacts with her other guy friends so I would have a basis of comparison, but I haven't had that opportunity yet.

As for overanalyzing things, I don't think I'm doing that. My approach to social things has always been to absorb as much data as I can; I can do things that normally evade people with Asperger's, like pick up on "unwritten rules", by sifting through this data and picking out correlations. That's the way I've always done it, even before I knew it was any different than the usual ways. I realize that the giant block of observations (which I had to cut down several times to keep it at least somewhat relevant to the situation at hand) makes it seem like I'm overanalyzing, but really that's just me observing and relaying my observations.

Mad props to you gathering up the courage to make a move and text her
Whilst I don't have any decent advice to give off hand I wish you the best of luck

Back off. She's made no secret of the fact that she has a boyfriend.

There's nothing 'unique' about your situation. It plays out over and over again. You think you're giving her an option to 'choose' between you and her boyfriend. She either thinks you're a friend, or knows damn well what you're up to but likes the attention.

Unless her boyfriend's a heel or she's a b***h, you've got no luck.

It's not always bad to be evil sometimes.

My cousin had a nearly identical situation in college, he waited and waited and waited and spent time with here, thought she was flirting and though the flirting would lead to something. He wasted a couple of years doing this and was unfulfilled to say the least.

If she leaves her boyfriend for you, what's to say that a hotter, richer (or whatever quality attracts her) guy comes along and takes her from you? Now I will qualify this by saying there was a recent psychological study done with 100's of couples, singles and they determined from the results that women are more prone to flirting while in a relationship!! !! (Horrible I know, that's why I would rather not go to a club, bar, with a loved one. )

Although she might be giving you those cues they might just be because she is in a relationship.

Lastly, if you truly feel that this is the love of your life, your soul mate, then you should stick with it for a healthy amount of time, (say 2 weeks), continue talking with her and tell her your true feelings and emotions. Before you do this you could try and talk to her about her relationship to try and gauge it's seriousness, this could also land you permanently in the "friend zone" be careful if you choose this route.

I personally, will walk away mid-sentence as soon as I find out that they have a lover or hook up buddies in their life, life is short, you shouldn't have to waste it on controlling dick tease's. As crass as that sounds it's entirely true.

Thanks!

You have completely misunderstood my intentions. "I am not going to passively sit around and hope that she decides to like me instead of her boyfriend (at the same time, in no way am I going to try to break them up)." I am going to make my intentions completely clear so that, in the possible event of a breakup, I am in a better position for a relationship than I otherwise would be given my usual mode of operation. I am not making her "choose" at all, I would not win that battle. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, after all. I was referring to the "uniqueness" of my situation only as far as these forums go; I am not asking how I get a girl to notice me or how to get a first date, as most of the advice-requesting threads tend to be.

And last but not least, I can most definitely assure you that she is not a b***h.

My brother got involved with a girl who had a boyfriend once. She's now been my sister-in-law for ten years.

While I don't know if the same will happen for you, I want you to stay positive.

There is no harm in pursuing a girl with a boyfriend, full stop. If she opts to hide you and/or her relationship with you from her boyfriend that is a major indicator of the quality of her character and you can make the judgement whether to continue your pursuit from there. (there's no harm in continuing if you are content with something that isn't serious after all)

I've been cheated on by women, the only time I cared was when it was my ex-wife.

If you want an exclusive relationship get engaged, then married, that's what the rings are for, until then either expect other men to take a run at any girl worth having and expect the girl to respond or expect to be heartbroken.

You said it bro. Give it your best shot and if that doesn't work then shrug and go on to the next girl.
The idea is to suggest that "I am an awesome dude and I am giving you the opportunity to go out with me. If you don't want to that is your loss"

Think "The Fonze" from that old show Happy Days.

Then you want to live in a world where any second of time a potential male suitor can take your girlfriend away from you? A girl that leaves another relationship for another man will be highly likely to do the same later in life.

You sound like Biance, "put a ring on it", even after being cheated on by your ex-wife your going to say something like that. cmon man. He is clearly not of marrying age or at least hasn't expressed feelings of marriage, so your suggesting it's ok for women to switch guys even though they agreed to be in an adult committed relationship? It's mindset's like that, that have ruined it for men across the nation.