I think I'm ret*d for not knowing what a hickey is.

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It was my first time making out. I didn't know what a hicky was until my mom noticed the marks on my neck. I also read that Hickies are trashy and it tells everyone you had sex last night. My boyfriend and I never had sex, we just held each other and kissed. I thought the neck biting was just perfectly normal and innocent make out behavior. I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know how to make love, and I was letting my boyfriend do all the work. My mom's giving me a dirty look now, and I can't tell her I didn't mean it. I can't face my mother anymore. I fully intended to keep my relationship a secret because I don't know how she'll handle it. I don't want her to be overprotective of her adult daughter. I don't want to think about an eventual proposal where moms and dads don't approve of the engagement.

I'm 21 and he's 24. All we did was kiss each other, that was it. No sex. My boyfriend apologized, and I know he didn't mean it.

Please help, I feel like I'm ret*d. I didn't know what a hickey was, and I didn't know they were that bad. I'm really stupid. And now I have to walk around with these marks on my neck.

Last edited by Snivy on 22 Mar 2011, 8:35 pm, edited 2 times in total.

One time, a boyfriend put hickeys around my neck and it looked really strange.
In a few days, the hickeys should be gone
I hope your mother won't hold it against you. It's just a hickey, it's not like it's a tattoo.

She might. She's just a little protective. She's found out about my boyfriends flirty text messages, even when I claimed that we were just friends. I was trying to keep the relationship a secret so she doesn't have to spend so much energy looking out for someone who should be looking out for herself.

I remember when I didn't know what a hickey was. I actually think I learnt what the word meant from Seinfeld or Friends.
It's just a mark left over from a love bite. Look, who cares if people say they look trashy. Most people in a relationship will have one at least a few times so most people will have one, including those that think it looks trashy.
There are still many things that I'm still finding out that are common knowledge amongst people. I really don't care about it too.

I found out what hickeys were when I got some a long time ago. I didn't really care whether people thought they were trashy, though. Seemed like a silly thing to worry about.

I'm still learning things that are common knowledge.

Agree with everything you said, too.

You can cover hickeys with some cosmetic foundation, concealer and press powder. If you already wear make-up, this will be an easy job because then you won't have to buy the stuff. High collar shirts and turtlenecks also come in useful depending on where the bruise is.

Tell your boyfriend not to nibble so hard next time. If he keeps his nibbling to the earlobes, it'll stimulate another pressure point and not leave a bruise.

There's nothing wrong with what you did. You are an adult. He is an adult. I'm sure your mother, while probably shocked to learn for the first time that you have been in a relationship completely behind her back, will still understand because you are an adult human being who has to interact with people, form relationships and gain independence.

Hickeys are tacky but they can happen. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. Additionally, unless you're a part of a strict religious group that limits physical affection between young adults in a romantic relationship, there's really nothing wrong with premarital sex. Just use a condom, have a back-up birth control, and be safe.

It's not a big deal that you didn't know about hickeys before now. Every body has to learn things for the first time at some point in their lives. It doesn't make you a ret*d or stupid or even naive. You just didn't know about them. Now you do. No big deal.

Honestly, calm down and act 21 years old.

Good for you. I'm sure it won't be your last.


Nope and nope. You're way overreacting, IMO.


That sounds really lovely, and I bet you enjoyed it. Hope so!


It is. Really, it is.


She should be happy for you. Could your neck really be her biggest problem in life?


"Adult daughter" is kinda the key to this whole thing, right?


It all sounds pretty cute and innocent.


1. You don't come across as anything even approaching "ret*d." Low IQs and AS are not two things that generally go together.
2. If you didn't know then, you know now.
3. You *did* know one thing: they *aren't* that bad.
4. Wouldn't a turtleneck solve a lot of problems for you right now? That and taking it a little easy on yourself?

"ret*d" is an ugly word, too.

I wouldn't mind having these marks on my neck(as long as I don't get infections). It's just that according to research, Hickey was a symbol of ownership and bond. And people percieve a female with hickey marks as a slut, or a tramp.


Do hickeys cause scarring?

A hickey is a bruise. They do not cause scarring. The skin isn't broken. What sources are you using for your research?

They don't cause scarring. It's just tiny vessels breaking and their blood spilling out into the skin, just underneath the top layer. If the hickey is really dark, it might take a little longer to go away. You might not want to get any more until you are comfortable with the idea of having one
I seem to remember getting a hickey to show I was someone's girlfriend. I think I was just spacing out while getting it. It was relaxing.
Once I broke up with that one boyfriend, I never got a hickey again, lol. No one else I dated was interested in them and I didn't think about hickeys anymore. They never crossed my mind.
Do you think you will get any more, or just let the ones you have now fade into oblivion?
What does your bf think about your mom's reaction? Are you planning on being more open now that she knows all about him, maybe invite him to dinner with your mom more?

Where on earth have you heard/read those things?

I'm even a bit surprised by the tacky comment, I've never heard that one either, might be a cultural thing Either way just like others said it happens, it's no big deal, nobody did it on purpose and you're both adults. No need to beat yourself up like this over such a small thing.

Yahoo answers primarily. I've been google searching as well.

I don't really feel bad anymore, I don't think my mom was upset. She just told me to stay protected, even though I told her I'm not having sex.

If all else fails just put a scarf on it. I had to buy one last year because I ended up with a couple of really bad ones.

Here's a little better information about hickeys than you will find on yahoo answers:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hickey_%28injury%29

http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/128 ... ickey.html
(the second link has a pop-up so have your pop-up blocker on)

I didn't know what a hicky was until I was 29 and heard someone talking about it. Then it still took me a while to figure it out. At one time I used to give myself hickies on the upper arm to confuse people who were too determined to know the detaiis of my private life and to get them off my back.