Does anyone else experience this?

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Hello, my name is Emily and I have been in a romantic relationship for the past year and a half with a (neurotypical) boy three hours away from me. Up until now, we spoke at generally the same time every day, aside from visits or temporary or one-day changes in scheduling. However, now we have both begun to attend college, I am becoming a pharmacist and he is going into music composition, and because of this we do not have a schedule whatsoever and I have been functioning much less efficiently recently. I drop whatever I am doing to speak to him for less than an hour or two a day. This is disrupting my entire schedule, and I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this, and if so what did they do to remedy the situation?

I do experience this. Unfortunately I haven't come up with a viable solution yet. I tried to go cold turkey, using the software that blocks any kind of social media for the period you set. It didn't work as I just used my laptop instead.
I tried changing my phone number even that he couldn't contact me only when I put my sim card in the phone.
It didn't work as I wanted to talk to him.
But it is annoying to lose focus just because you talk to a guy.
I'm also curious how other people manage this.

Thank you for replying so promptly to my post, I have not tried to constrict contact as of yet because I feel emotionally unsatisfied. While I am doing school work all I can think about is talking to him, this mostly happens at the times in which we used to talk. It almost feels like when I am comforted outside a schedule it has less of an impact. I have tried explaining this to him, but I am having issues expressing the severity of the situation. I have lost much stability in my schedule since I have begun to attend college in person, even though last year all of my classes were online condensed college courses.

I think for the moment you're just incompatible. Couples tend to drift in college. It can't be helped.

I was a composition grad student and moved 1500 miles away from my gf. We tried the LDR thing. Let's just say fidelity just isn't my thing! We did end up back together and are married with 3 kids so far. The marriage has been GREAT. But we're just not cut out for distance.

College is for studying. Most people try to juggle social life, love life, and the books. I hate to say it, but your best bet is always just sticking with the books.

If your bf is an undergrad music major, I can tell you that things will not improve with his schedule. There are the hours spent studying the regular lib arts core AND music theory, literature, ear training, small ensembles, large ensembles, instrumental/vocal/keyboards methods classes, private study on major voice/instrument, and composition seminars. And except maybe for methods courses, that's all within freshman year, although some schools won't permit a composition major declaration before junior year. It doesn't get any easier from there. Juried performances, composer forums, recruiting students for projects, studio masterclasses and recitals, degree recitals. Hour after hour of working, rehearsing, studying, and sacrificing sleep on the practice room altar.

And that's just the bachelor's degree. Then you have to decide master's degree or terminating DMA program so MAYBE you can score a university gig, or you say screw it, I'm gonna produce for Hollywood music libraries, and pray you hit the big time. And then it's 18 hours every day cranking out as much production music as you can. Youtube, Soundcloud, bandcamp, registering works with your PRO, submitting to all the free libraries while trying not to get ripped off by the paid ones, album releases, touring churches and nursing homes and any venue that allows you to sell CD's just so you can afford gas for the trip home.

I'm not saying pharm program doesn't demand much sacrifice. No doubt it does. A LOT. But unlike pharmacy, a musical artist is constantly struggling to stay above poverty. A TV company tried to rip me off, but at least I got ONE placement. I've had plenty of rejection, a YouTube channel that hasn't performed as well as I'd hoped, and I'm constantly stuck trying to figure out how I can make the time to get this thing to take off. I've walked from one teaching gig, got fired from two more, watched my band disintegrate because the drummer can't keep his pants zipped, got fired from another band (actually for the best, I was gonna leave anyway), can't talk this guy into starting another band (but will keep trying), can't find good solo gigs, am never really certain about the one steady gig I have because I keep getting confronted by coworkers, and have heard "no" enough that I wonder why I even try.

And it's because for better or for worse, it's who I am. It's all I have in this world. Without music, a supportive wife, and amazing children, Jesus would be the ONLY reason I have to keep living (which is plenty good enough, but I'd be on the streets).

Results, of course, will always vary. It could be your bf succeeds far and above where I've failed. Be honest with yourself. Knowing the risks, are you REALLY up for putting everything in your life on the line for this guy? Because stakes are high in fame-or-famine-land. Even if he makes it, are you prepared for what happens after? When artists go down, they go down alone. They will reach out to anyone near them, and they know the artist will only pull them down. That's when they run. That's when you'll hear the most sublime music you've ever heard, and what's truly sad is you're the only one who will get to hear it IF you don't cut and run, too.

I'm sure he's a great guy and you are wonderful, too. I'm not here to be harsh or tell you to break up. I just want you to be prepared, to know what to expect. I wish you the best, but please, PLEASE be careful!

Hello, I wanted to thank you for putting in the time to send me such a thorough and blunt response, I greatly appreciate it. Distance in any relationship is difficult, to say the least, and I am pleased to hear that your current relationship is going well, also congratulations on three little ones, dear. It seems as if you’ve become rather successful in a familial sense, which is more than many can say.

My boyfriend is attending a college four hours away, and currently, he intends only to receive a two-year degree in music composition. After which he is either majoring in communications or business administration. We have spoken at length about what profession would make him happy later in life, but he and his family believe that he should have something to fall back on, so to speak (his father majors in classical guitar and is an accredited psychologist for a local firm).

Distance has been tolerable in my current situation with him. I am rather nervous because I will most likely major in chemistry before attending a four-year training program for pharmaceuticals, which will leave me less time than I already have. I must say I am rather fond of this boy, he has been so understanding of my quirks, he comforts me, which is very nice on its own, but he also understands I need time by myself throughout the day.

Pharmacy is the perfect profession for myself content wise, and I intend to have hospital premises position, as I fear constant communication with strangers would be too much. However, I have been informed that the training is intense and majoring in chemistry is not exactly a walk in the park either. So I suppose we will both have our hands full in an academic sense.

From my understanding, any artistic job is immensely demanding, but I want him to be happy in life, and whatever the costs may be. He’s a very wholesome boy, and his family is very fond of me, which I did not expect to happen. I cannot imagine during anything to endanger our relationship intentionally, but if this is to work, we will both have to tread lightly and consciously throughout the remainder of our college years.

We have had no issue with communication thus far, but I am very dependant on scheduling and repetition. My issue is not because we "don't spend enough time together", I can assure you that I am not that selfish. But rather my uncertainty is because I am unsure when we will speak, what if I leave to take a test and I am not here for him when his blood sugar becomes low (type 1 diabetic). Uncertainty an uncomfortable feeling for me, and if our paths drift, then I only wish him the best.

I wish you well career wise, musical arts seems to be a whirlwind of emotion that goes far above my head. I hope your family continues to prosper. I just wanted to thank you again for giving me such a personal and thorough view into the life of musical arts.

Best regards,

Emily

I know it's difficult but please do focus on your studies. Your schooling now is THE most important thing in your life right now, and anything that derails that or pulls you away from making your education your priority could actually affect the rest of your life. No relationship just at this crucial stage of things is worth that. You are working toward completion of your education and thus your future. There will be plenty of time to make other things -- or people -- a priority, but right now this is your most crucial priority, please, please don't lose focus on that.