Why do relationships have so much drama?

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jc6chan
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15 Feb 2011, 8:05 pm

I find it interesting how much drama some relationships have. Its interesting how TV shows about romance are sometimes not exaggerating. And why does it need to be so complicated? Its not enough just to simply "fall in love" with someone else but there are often many nonverbal cues and people ask "What did that guy mean when he did this" or "I'm not sure if he's onto me". Funny thing is that the drama happens mostly in girl conversations and never guy conversations.

Guy conversations are more visual like "she's smoking hot!!" but thats more of a high school thing I think.

Wouldn't it be more simple if everything was crystal clear and put in words?



Moog
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15 Feb 2011, 9:28 pm

Conflict (Drama?) is a way that some people like to learn and grow. Fire people love it. And airy sorts often like their intellectual battles.

Girls tend to verbalise drama, but I don't think guys are immune. Any more than they are immune to having feelings. Guys may well be more likely to dramatise physically.


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wefunction
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15 Feb 2011, 11:02 pm

Getting together with my husband was a little weird at first because I already was in a relationship and he was finalizing a divorce. We were friends who weren't really available but knew there was something there worth exploring. Still, I ended my relationship because the potential of what I could do alone meant more to me than the relationship I was in. That's always a good indication that something isn't going right in a relationship.

So, my husband's drama at that time, even though his divorce was finally finalized after a lengthy separation (so he was emotionally ready to move on and was now ethically ready), was the idea that I was so soon out of a relationship (that had taken 4 years of my life - not exactly brief). His confusion was brief and since there really was nobody else that I was interested in dating at the time, I was patient and enjoyed my alone time. When he came around, I was still available and decided that I still wanted him. There you go.

Our relationship has been pretty straight forward since that time. The only drama we've experienced was from our families. His parents can't seem to like anybody he's with so I had to wait that out (it was five years before they accepted me) and my mother is violent and insane. It's possible we have remain so drama-free because we're both pretty adverse to it based on our own experiences. We disagree and even fight occasionally; but, I wouldn't call that drama. That's normal married stuff that you resolve and move on.



emlion
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16 Feb 2011, 6:21 am

Mines pretty straight foward now.
Stefan knows to just come out and say what he means directly.



MCalavera
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16 Feb 2011, 6:25 am

jc6chan wrote:
I find it interesting how much drama some relationships have. Its interesting how TV shows about romance are sometimes not exaggerating. And why does it need to be so complicated? Its not enough just to simply "fall in love" with someone else but there are often many nonverbal cues and people ask "What did that guy mean when he did this" or "I'm not sure if he's onto me". Funny thing is that the drama happens mostly in girl conversations and never guy conversations.

Guy conversations are more visual like "she's smoking hot!!" but thats more of a high school thing I think.

Wouldn't it be more simple if everything was crystal clear and put in words?


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blue_bean
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16 Feb 2011, 8:08 am

In my experience there was never drama between me and the one I was with alone, it was people external to the relationship who made the turbulence and pressure.



MelyssaK
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16 Feb 2011, 5:02 pm

I agree. Too much drama. I have more important things to deal with in my life than to worry about pleasing some guy and making sure that he understands that if he doesn't hear from me for 3 days, it doesn't mean I don't like him. I just like my space, blah blah blah. I'm sick of it. So I have no interest in relationships. And it's too much drama when a guy asks me why I don't want to date him. I'm too damn nice and be as sweet as possible in explaining that I have no interest in relationships. I guy with asperger's I met at school asked to date me and it took a long time via text to try to explain that I have no interest in dating. I'm still not sure if he understands.



Kaybee
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16 Feb 2011, 5:57 pm

Not all of them have lots of drama.


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simon_says
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16 Feb 2011, 6:13 pm

I think there is always drama eventually. It's just a matter of degree. You want it as minimized as you can get it.

One problem for AS people is that they arent good at picking up the clues that someone is chaotic. I spent a lot of time in my 20s trying to figure out chaotic women that normal men probably instinctively knew to steer clear of.

By the time I was 30, my crazy radar had improved and the drama decreased.



Vigilans
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16 Feb 2011, 6:14 pm

Depends on the maturity of your partner. My girlfriend and I almost never fight about anything. She is also a few years older then me. When I was 19 I was going out with a 17 year old girl who was not very mature and she put me through a hell of a time with all her drama. I actually think some people need to create drama for their own satisfaction. This girl got super angry with me for having any female friends, so I lost most of the girls in my life at the time. Then she went and cheated on me. So yeah..


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Dione
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17 Feb 2011, 11:57 am

A few months before we got married, my husband and I decided to move in together to test out how we would be married. After the apartment nearly became a war zone, we decided to get outside assistance. We went to a therapist, and were taught how to argue without angering the other person and saying things we didn't mean, the crux of our unhappiness. When we remember to communicate as we were taught, our relationship is great; we still argue, but no one gets angry over it. When we forget and say things just to hurt each other, there are major issues. However, as we have learned what makes one another tick, those events have become fewer and further between.



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17 Feb 2011, 12:04 pm

Falling in love with someone doesn't mean you get along with them, and of course, no two humans can ever get along 100%.



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06 Apr 2011, 4:30 pm

Ok while Ive never really been in a real relationship before, (a few minor stuff that didnt amount to much), the most common drama I tend to have with guy friends in general or we can say 99% of the drama I ever have with guy friends are cause someone likes someone and they dont like em back kinda thing. They like me, I dont like them back or I like them, they dont like me back. Even in a situation with a guy friend where neither of us liked each other. Apparently I gave off the completely wrong message that i was really into him and when I just really wanted to be friends. And so he'd be acting really weird towards me at times like purposely keeping his distance but then he was still being my friend. I swear if I was asexual or a 100% lesbian and all my guy friends knew that...there'd be no drama.



TheMidnightJudge
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06 Apr 2011, 9:52 pm

In high school I had a would-be relationship with a girl. It was one part my wishful thinking, awkwardness, and confusion, and one part her infatuation and mild psychosis. Good times.

I sometimes wish I'd met her later in life, when we were both more mature. Maybe we wouldn't have dated even then, in fact I'd bet we wouldn't for the same reasons I don't date in general. But if I could be her friend without the baggage...
In my head I just can't disassociate her with romance.

Then again, I learned a lot from my experience with her.


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billmeister
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06 Apr 2011, 9:58 pm

Certain people tend to be overly dramatic due to brain chemistry. Dramatic emotional reactions tend to release dopamine. Yes, some people get high from there emotions, and if it feels good, they'll do it.


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