Did I lost any chances?

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Up untill few days ago I was in a relationship, so I weren't really looking. On the other hand, I wanted to make sense of what various girls did to me a year ago, and so I was asking lots of questions. On the other hand, right now the girlfriend that I had broke up with me, so I am looking again.

Apart from that, I was unaware of the fact that this wrongplanet thing can be used as a dating site. I neither noticed the sticky post meant to look for dates, nor did I notice all the other posts ppl were making where they were looking for aspi partners to date. I also coudln't predict the fact that tehre will be a dating site attached to this website, www.aspieaffection.com

Anyway, right now that I am again looking and I found out how this website could be a valuable resource, I regret the fact that I was complaining so much over here and talking about all and every issue I have with women. I am not that way in "real world". I was only doing it because I didn't know this website would ever have anything to do with dating, so I was just using it as a "safe place" to get my questions answered.

So, here is a question: did I lose any chances with any of the girls here as a result of my posts?

I have a boyfriend so I am viewing you as ...theoretical...

I doubt very many females had the patience to make it through many of your posts.I am highly verbal and curious about people and feel good if I can help someone(so many have helped me)but even I found them challenging to wade through.On the one hand you come across as intellegent and someone who maybe motivated to make changes once you understand the issue(convincing you is a bit like trying to build a house useing a trout as a hammer)...I would also like the fact that you have Jewish ancestry and are from Russia...those things are intrigueing.However...I believe in premarital sex(and lots of it)and dont really like Christians(I mean some are ok people but the difference in beliefs would just cause conflicts....)To me,the main turn offs would be that you yell...I can not stand yelling,it triggers panic attacks.We also havent seen you "playful" side or much of your humor...those things are really important to me....You dont share any of my interests...passion for literature,rocks,animals.And I neither know about Maths and physics not have desire to know....


The point I wanted to make,to you and any of the guys who may feel rejected here...isnt always about weither you are a good person.It is just as much about who the girl is ...what she fears,desires,specific to her personality...Not all women are looking for a super jock,a jerk,a paycheck...but we do have are own "tastes" and prioritys that have nothing to do with how great a guy you are...Kapeesh?

First of all, well done on those poll options. That really did cover everything.

Next, have you heard of the principle of observation affecting what you are observing? In this case, not only are you observing but you are asking questions.

So you may change the thing you are observing, perhaps someone who had not been considering you now will be, so you have gained a "chance" as you put it. Or someone who had been considering you, had not thought about it too much, but now you have pointed it out, you have lost a "chance".

Also, this is a bit of a quick judgement, but I guess from the fact you ask this question, you perhaps have a little bit of low self-esteem. As such you should take into account another observer effect; Observer Bias. An example of this is interpretting a neutral response as a negative, simply because you expect it to be.

However, you really shouldn't listen to me, what the hell do I know?
You might not have low self-esteem you might just be very direct and thought you would ask your question. And people might appreciate the directness of your question and like you for it. So feel free to ignore me.

I agree with Z. 99.9999999999999999999 percent or so.

dont worry, the chances of any aspie guys here hooking up from this site are about the same as winning the lottery, Twice.

But then again, there are tons of other Aspie groups out there

Tim

You raise a lot of good points. It is true taht observation influences outcome. But you see, it isn't the only thing that influences ppl's opinion. Also each new post that I make, on any subject, also does. So, lets say that after x posts people's opinion is f(x). So by making this post, I would get f(x+1) instead of f(x). Okay fine, suppose f(x+1) is very different from f(x) given the content of the post. But still, since it is a function of x anyway, who cares which point in time I choose to single out, if I am forced to single out SOMETHING.



You are right about "observer effect". That is actually what was happening with a lot of girls I used to have. They would tell me something neutral, I would hear it negative, and thus start to worry, and eventually I would make it into negative by so much worrying.

However, in case of right now, there is nothing unreasonable in expecting ppl to be turned off, given the amount and intensity of my posts. It isn't low self esteem, it is a plain realization of the fact that I ahve been very self centered, which I shouldn't have been.

One thing I am hopping is to somehow show through this post that I do understand I shoudln't have acted that way, and that I intend to change from now on. Well, I have to be honest and admit that I do have these thoughts running through my head, thats why I have posted them. But there are many sides to every coin, and as someone interested in philosophy I am perfectly aware how I can approach the same thing from opposite angles.

The point being, is that I simply choose to be self centered specifically on this website in order to deal with that angle where it is "safe". Now that I know it isn't "safe", I am perfectly willing to change, and I won't be dishonest at all doing it because I do have skills to view things from many different perspectives.

And, with this post, I am hopping to show people that yes I do see that I have been ridiculous, which means that I can step back and change. If I didn't see it, I won't be asking this question.

Can you suggest some?

That is quite a cunning plan. Everyone is free to be whatever they want on the internet. Unfortunately most people use this freedom to be obnoxious jerks. But you have used it to get help and discuss stuff. I like this plan.

I see your point. I guess what worries me is that others might not realize that I am not that way in a "real life". I guess like you said I generally wouldn't worry about it since it is just internet. But what made me worry at the moment is that I realized how some ppl get dates through this site, so this made me really reconsider this. I just hope there are still some women left on this site who are still willing to give me a chance.

Thanks, lots of people make good posts and I don't often tell them because I feel it might slow down the discussion in the thread. But is is certainly nice to here that, someone agrees with me!


Roman, I am probably not the guy to be taking dating advice from, but I can say this: Don't believe that all your chances are within WrongPlanet.

If I were a lady and were using this as a dating site, I would have stopped the second that you used the past tense in the title of this topic.

About Roman useing the wrong tense in the title.....

Roman is originaly from Russia...so some women will be impressed that he speaks English so well
and alot of people find accents and using the wrong tense...charming(unless it is your native language
like Goerge Bush...then its just embarassing)

Oh. Sorry for any offense; I didn't know and am used to the Bush types that irritate the hell out of me. More often than not, it's one of them that makes this mistake and I'm the only one that ever says anything. Oh well, the all catching fish net is bound to catch an innocent few.

It shouldn't matter if you turn some women off. In fact it's a good thing. Think about, do you really want to be with a woman that you're not compatible with.

To not turn off anyone, you would have to create a fake super personality, and maintain the lie the rest of you life. Do you wish to spend the rest of your life not being your true self?

This isn't to say that it's ok to not invest in improving yourself. Make changes that illuminate, instead of hide, the person.

Past tense applies to me.

The closest poll option for me is "I am a man; I am not sure what ladies think". I have missed lots of chances. I have numerous times been at a party or bar and have thought no-one was interested (never think any one will be) but afterwards I can be told "why did I ignore MsX - cause she was giving out all the right signals to me. I wished someone would tell me at the time, but this was long before I had ever heard of AS.