Getting in touch with my LJBF

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I just recently got in touch with The girl that LJBF-ed me back in 2005 and about whom I have obsessed for years (which prevented me from appreciating anyone else). Normally it would be a huge no-go, of course. But I guess right now I am worn out in my current relationships to the point where I almost feel like I don't want to be in one. And then, all of the recent dramma with crisis in school and being scammed makes me want to go to the past where it is "safe". I am just happy now that I see email every few days with her name in it. Somehow seeing her name puts smile on my face. I am not even going to ask her out again. I don't want another dramma. I just want to enjoy the safety of the good old past, especially the person I have been dreaming about for such a long time.

I guess there is something about her that being friends with her is much better than being in a relationship with anyone else. Normally if I like someone that much, being "just" friends would hurt too much to bear. But somehow this is not the case any more. Right now it is the first time I can say that friendship means enough for me that I won't ruin it by attempting relationship, and enjoy it anyway.

What's LJBF stand for?

2005 is a long time ago. When she said LJBF, did you actually remain friends?

It's usually a sugar-coated way of saying they want no further contact.

Might be time to stop obsessing.

For some reason I often think of her when I stay up all night on campus working. And then when I go to campus caffeteria in the early morning to have breakfast and then take taxi home to basically sleep in, then during the breakfast I tend to think of her. Weird, huh.

I remember a long time ago studying in biology that the reason you get sleepy when you stay up for a very long time is that your brain produces chemicals that put you to sleep. These chemicals are drug-like compounds; in other words, sleep deprivation is the same thing as taking drugs! So who knows, perhaps I get myself high through sleep deprivation? I am not taking any "other" drugs after all.