Is she stringing me along? (Warning: long transcipts inside)

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Yo, so this girl, I knew her from high school. Then I recently friended her on facebook. Then she was posting stuff about looking for a tennis partner. And so this is how the FB messages go.

Roden wrote
at 6:52pm June 1st, 2006
I think I took, like, 2 weeks of a tennis class once.

She wrote
at 10:46pm June 1st, 2006
hey that works! How's life?

Roden wrote
at 11:39pm June 2nd, 2006
It's being frightingly consistent. :p

A few weeks later this is where this IM convo came in. I was tripping up near that movie part, I fear that less than an IM convo into this I'm already in the friend zone. But it looks like I have a tennis date anyway, for what it's worth. But anyway...

Session Start (TheBladeRoden:Huneybee903): Mon Jun 26 22:16:40 2006
Quote:[22:17] TheBladeRoden: Are you ever unaway?
[22:17] *** Auto-response from ***censored***: jamming, maybe finishing this paper tonight...maybe not!
[22:17] ***censored***: hmmm...haha
[22:17] ***censored***: yeah
[22:17] TheBladeRoden: My trillian is lying to me then
[22:18] ***censored***: well i usually have an away message up but Im never too far away
[22:18] ***censored***: so how are things?
[22:18] ***censored***: are you at Whitewater?
[22:18] TheBladeRoden: unusually busy for summer
[22:18] ***censored***: doing what
[22:19] TheBladeRoden: interning at a newspaper, and running sound crew for plays
[22:19] ***censored***: what newspaper
[22:19] ***censored***: wait
[22:19] ***censored***: you are in whitewater right?
[22:19] TheBladeRoden: yes'm
[22:19] ***censored***: do you like it?
[22:20] ***censored***: ive been there a few times
[22:20] TheBladeRoden: being in whitewater or interning?
[22:20] ***censored***: both
[22:20] ***censored***: whitewater jsut seems kinda dull to me
[22:21] TheBladeRoden: I'm staying in Whitewater just as long as I have to to graduate
[22:21] ***censored***: ok sounds good
[22:22] ***censored***: then where do you see yourself
[22:23] TheBladeRoden: nothing solid's lined up, but I'll be facing the career counselor's this year
[22:23] TheBladeRoden: prbably something graphic design or multimedia related
[22:24] ***censored***: ok, do you know what city youd like to be in
[22:25] TheBladeRoden: Locally Madison seemed like a good hub
[22:25] TheBladeRoden: or Milwaukee
[22:25] ***censored***: yeah Madison is great
[22:26] ***censored***: Im thinking about Milwaukee in August
[22:26] TheBladeRoden: what's awaiting you in Milwukee?
[22:27] ***censored***: well Ive been looking for jobs but nothing quite yet
[22:27] ***censored***: social work
[22:27] ***censored***: for now anyway
[22:27] TheBladeRoden: that's what my sister does
[22:27] ***censored***: where
[22:27] TheBladeRoden: Rock county
[22:27] ***censored***: ok
[22:28] TheBladeRoden: afaik at least
[22:29] ***censored***: i just saw The Breakup tonight
[22:29] ***censored***: it was pretty good
[22:29] TheBladeRoden: Which one was that?
[22:30] ***censored***: the romantic comedy with jennifer aniston and vince vaughn
[22:30] ***censored***: it was quite funny
[22:30] TheBladeRoden: ah yes
[22:30] ***censored***: id go if I were you!
[22:30] ***censored***:
[22:31] TheBladeRoden: oh you would would you?
[22:31] ***censored***: haha
[22:31] ***censored***: yup!
[22:31] TheBladeRoden: I rarely see movies in theatres
[22:31] TheBladeRoden:
[22:32] ***censored***: why
[22:32] ***censored***: i love to when i have the time and the money
[22:32] TheBladeRoden: they get all commercially, and there's annoying people around you
[22:33] ***censored***: ok, but the annoying people around you are supposed to be quiet
[22:34] ***censored***: and honestly we all need a good laugh every now and again and any movie with vince vaughn will do that for you
[22:34] ***censored***: so id get over ya s**t and head out to see The Breakup!:-P
[22:34] TheBladeRoden: dodgeball wasn't bad
[22:34] ***censored***: yeah it was ok
[22:34] TheBladeRoden: is this better?
[22:35] ***censored***: well if you're in the mood for a little romance along side your comedy its great
[22:35] TheBladeRoden: I wonder if I should bring someone
[22:36] ***censored***: yeah thats not a bad idea
[22:36] ***censored***: do you have a special someone???
[22:36] TheBladeRoden: It's been a summer project of mine
[22:37] ***censored***: so you have your eye on someone?
[22:37] TheBladeRoden: There's been like 7 people
[22:38] TheBladeRoden: I'm not even sure Whitewater has a movie theater
[22:38] ***censored***: haha
[22:39] ***censored***: 7 people???
[22:39] ***censored***: thats more than ME and Im crazy
[22:39] ***censored***: haha
[22:39] ***censored***: jk
[22:39] TheBladeRoden: Some get more or less priority than otherts
[22:39] TheBladeRoden: *others
[22:39] ***censored***: depending on...???
[22:40] TheBladeRoden: How well I know them, how available they are, looks, personality, bad habits, chances I'll see them again in the future
[22:41] ***censored***: hmmm...not bad
[22:41] TheBladeRoden: what are yours?
[22:41] ***censored***: the ability to converse on a deeper level than the norm
[22:42] TheBladeRoden: so how deep would this be?
[22:42] ***censored***: oh so deep
[22:42] ***censored***: haha
[22:42] ***censored***: well i just like to look further into things than the majority
[22:43] ***censored***: like why and how things are the way they are
[22:43] ***censored***: and I love music so thats kind of important
[22:44] TheBladeRoden: Why do they keep that empty space between the two cleffs? It's harder to pinpoint where the notes are
[22:44] ***censored***: are you saying im confusing?
[22:45] ***censored***: oh
[22:45] ***censored***: physical attraction is important too
[22:45] TheBladeRoden: That was me talking about music
[22:45] ***censored***: haha
[22:45] ***censored***: ok
[22:46] TheBladeRoden: I might also ask why people hate eighties music so much
[22:46] ***censored***: haha its kind of corney(sp) but its fun to dance to
[22:47] ***censored***: it doesnt say much
[22:48] ***censored***: and it lacks instruments like jazz, classical or the blues has
[22:48] ***censored***: in my opinion
[22:48] TheBladeRoden: they did like their sythesizers
[22:49] ***censored***: yeah
[22:49] ***censored***: for sure
[22:49] TheBladeRoden: *synthesizers
[22:49] ***censored***: well hey man, I must depart and relocate to my comfy BED!
[22:49] ***censored***: Im so tired
[22:49] ***censored***: i had a long weekend with work and the fam
[22:50] TheBladeRoden: ok get back to me on that tennis stuff
[22:50] ***censored***: you play?
[22:50] TheBladeRoden: I did take 2 weeks of a beginner's class last summer
[22:50] ***censored***: haha
[22:51] ***censored***: are you ever in Beloit or Madison?
[22:51] TheBladeRoden: Well, I go to Beloit every week and Madison when the situation requires it
[22:51] ***censored***: Im always looking for a partner
[22:52] ***censored***: Im usually in Beloit on the weekends for work
[22:52] ***censored***: get a hold of me next time you're in Beloit on the weekend
[22:52] ***censored***: we'll play
[22:52] TheBladeRoden: Is this like league stuff?
[22:52] ***censored***: no way
[22:52] ***censored***: like for fun stuff
[22:53] TheBladeRoden: oh ok
[22:53] TheBladeRoden: how many people come along usually?
[22:53] ***censored***: jsut me and whoever I find to play with me
[22:53] ***censored***: just 2 usuall
[22:53] ***censored***: y
[22:53] ***censored***: me an the other player
[22:53] TheBladeRoden: ah, wasn't sure if it was singles or doubles
[22:54] ***censored***: singles
[22:54] ***censored***: usually
[22:54] TheBladeRoden: BYOB BYOR?
[22:54] ***censored***: yeah bring your own booze and raquet
[22:54] ***censored***: c
[22:55] TheBladeRoden: I was going to say balls but booze works too
[22:55] ***censored***: haha
[22:55] ***censored***: ok yeah
[22:55] TheBladeRoden: ok well have fun sleeping
[22:55] ***censored***: i always do
[22:56] ***censored***: ill chat later
[22:56] ***censored***: peace
[22:56] TheBladeRoden: k

The first weekend goes by and she doesn't show up online. I figured she doesn't have AIM available in while in Beloit.


Session Start (TheBladeRoden:***anonymous***): Tue Jul 04 13:25:30 2006
[13:26] TheBladeRoden: I've come to realize I don't have a means of contacting you on the weekends
[13:26] ***anonymous***: oh yeah
[13:26] ***anonymous***: my cell is *************
[13:26] ***anonymous***: give me yours too
[13:27] ***anonymous***: i usually dont pick up numbers i dont know
[13:27] ***anonymous***: hey im gonna hop in the shower real quick
[13:27] ***anonymous***: just leave it
[13:28] TheBladeRoden: ***************
[13:28] ***anonymous***: coo thanks

Session Start (TheBladeRoden:***anonymous***): Thu Jul 06 18:33:55 2006
[18:33] ***anonymous***: are you in Beloit?
[18:34] TheBladeRoden: not yet
[18:34] TheBladeRoden: you?
[18:34] ***anonymous***: not yet
[18:34] ***anonymous***: haha
[18:34] TheBladeRoden: well there we go
[18:34] ***anonymous***: well i didnt know if you go there on the weekends or not
[18:35] TheBladeRoden: usually
[18:36] ***anonymous***: ok, well im only there til tomorrow then im out of town again
[18:36] ***anonymous***: i was just checking
[18:36] TheBladeRoden: where to after that?
[18:36] ***anonymous***: indiana
[18:36] ***anonymous***: im visiting my cousin
[18:37] TheBladeRoden: that is out of town
[18:37] ***anonymous***: yup
[18:38] TheBladeRoden: how much time do you need to prep to leave?
[18:38] ***anonymous***: im doing it now
[18:38] ***anonymous***: not much though
[18:39] TheBladeRoden: so would there be time on Friday?
[18:39] ***anonymous***: i wish, but i have to work for a few hours before i go
[18:40] TheBladeRoden: the options doth run out
[18:41] TheBladeRoden: it seems
[18:41] ***anonymous***: yeah but there will be another weekend
[18:41] TheBladeRoden: until winter or so
[18:41] ***anonymous***: no way
[18:41] ***anonymous***: this summer
[18:42] TheBladeRoden: oh yeah, that too
[18:42] ***anonymous***: so dont fret, I will defeat you in a game of tennis soon!
[18:43] TheBladeRoden: and that brings up the winter comment again
[18:47] TheBladeRoden: So what places does Madison have to do the tennising?
Session Close (***anonymous***): Thu Jul 06 18:48:51 2006


Session Start (TheBladeRoden:***anonymous***): Thu Jul 06 19:01:18 2006
[19:01] ***anonymous***: all over
[19:01] ***anonymous***: indoor tennis at the Neilson
[19:03] TheBladeRoden: indeed?
[19:04] ***anonymous***: yup
[19:04] TheBladeRoden: ok
[19:31] ***anonymous***: ok im out!
[19:31] ***anonymous***: peace
[19:33] *** "***anonymous***" signed off at Thu Jul 06 19:33:18 2006.

That was weekend 2. I went out and bought a tennis racket and I think they overjipped me on the price.

Session Start (TheBladeRoden:***anonymous***): Tue Jul 11 23:37:02 2006
[23:37] TheBladeRoden: I got me tennis racket!
[23:37] *** Auto-response from ***anonymous***: Is it bad that I just about ate an entire large pizza from Pizza Hut tonight?:-\
Session Close (***anonymous***): Tue Jul 11 23:37:36 2006


Session Start (TheBladeRoden:***anonymous***): Tue Jul 11 23:57:37 2006
[23:57] ***anonymous***: haha great
[23:58] ***anonymous***: ill be in Beloit this weekend to work at Riverfest, Im sure we can find some time to play.
[23:58] TheBladeRoden: where you working?
[23:58] *** Auto-response from ***anonymous***: Is it bad that I just about ate an entire large pizza from Pizza Hut tonight?:-\
[23:58] ***anonymous***: at my dads stand at riverfest
[23:59] TheBladeRoden: I don't believe I'm familiar with that one
[23:59] ***anonymous***: just give me a call if you make it to town and well set somthing up
[23:59] ***anonymous***: i have some reading to do before i fall asleep
[23:59] ***anonymous***: g'night!
[23:59] TheBladeRoden: ojk
Session Close (***anonymous***): Wed Jul 12 00:09:44 2006

So I went to Riverfest that Thursday with Matt to see Tesla. And I stopped by her BBQ stand. Seemed like she was going to be working there most of while Riverfest was open, but she told me to give her a call anyway so we could play. And when I walked by the stand later she offered my a free BBQ rib meal. So it seemed like all was well by then. I called her a couple times during when I thought RF wouldn't be on but I knew my chances were limited. She called me back on Sunday saying how much she worked and how too hot it was during the weekend.


Session Start (TheBladeRoden:***anonymous***): Sun Jul 16 23:45:07 2006
[23:50] TheBladeRoden: what do it be like?
[23:50] ***anonymous***: hmmm...not too bad
[23:50] ***anonymous***: tired!
[23:50] ***anonymous***: i worked so much this weekend
[23:50] TheBladeRoden: sounds like it
[23:51] ***anonymous***: how are you
[23:51] TheBladeRoden: the stage manager and I are playing a game of who can get on each other's nerves more
[23:52] ***anonymous***: whos winning
[23:53] TheBladeRoden: pretty even
[23:53] TheBladeRoden: so I think due to meteoroligal conditions that we should hold this match indoors
[23:54] ***anonymous***: yeah
[23:54] ***anonymous***: it should cool down a bit pretty soon here
[23:55] ***anonymous***: hey i have to hop in the shower, I have an early class tomorrow
[23:55] ***anonymous***: we'll for sure play soon though
[23:55] TheBladeRoden: yeah
Session Close (***anonymous***): Sun Jul 16 23:57:14 2006

That was Weekend 3

Session Start (TheBladeRoden:***anonymous***): Thu Jul 20 23:29:10 2006
[23:31] TheBladeRoden: What does the magic 8 ball say about this weekend?
[23:31] *** Auto-response from ***anonymous***: child birth...whoa. Serfin!
[23:53] *** You have been disconnected. Thu Jul 20 23:53:13 2006.
[23:54] *** "***anonymous***" signed on at Thu Jul 20 23:54:59 2006.
[07:11] *** "***anonymous***" signed off at Fri Jul 21 07:11:50 2006.

That was Weekend 4

Session Start (TheBladeRoden:***anonymous***): Mon Jul 24 03:40:42 2006
[03:40] *** NOTE: This user is offline. Your messages will most likely *not* be received!
Session Close (***anonymous***): Mon Jul 24 03:49:58 2006

Session Start (TheBladeRoden:***anonymous***): Mon Jul 24 12:24:52 2006
[12:25] TheBladeRoden: For whom doth the bell toll?
Session Close (***anonymous***): Mon Jul 24 12:28:37 2006

Session Start (TheBladeRoden:***anonymous***): Mon Jul 24 23:06:49 2006
[23:07] TheBladeRoden: do you copy? over.
[23:07] ***anonymous***: hi
[23:07] TheBladeRoden: what is your status? over.
[23:07] ***anonymous***: in from a movie, tired and about to take a shower
[23:08] ***anonymous***: over.
[23:08] ***anonymous***: whats your status
[23:08] TheBladeRoden: done with the play finally\
[23:08] ***anonymous***: i saw a movie
[23:08] TheBladeRoden: o rly?
[23:09] ***anonymous***: yup
[23:09] ***anonymous***: what have you been up to?
[23:09] TheBladeRoden: recovering from set strike
[23:10] ***anonymous***: oh howd that go
[23:10] ***anonymous***: what play
[23:10] TheBladeRoden: Crimes of the Heart, took 6 hours to convert the studio
[23:10] ***anonymous***: wow
[23:11] ***anonymous***: good turnout?
[23:11] TheBladeRoden: the last show had pretty good attendance
[23:12] ***anonymous***: did you get your name in the playbill?
[23:13] TheBladeRoden: hmm, I haven't seen it actually
[23:13] TheBladeRoden: but I was merely sound board operator
[23:14] ***anonymous***: that seems like a big job
[23:15] TheBladeRoden: it's a living
[23:17] TheBladeRoden: so we still getting together soon?
[23:18] ***anonymous***: sure, I had a major tennis practice sunday
[23:18] ***anonymous***: kinda kicked my butt
[23:18] TheBladeRoden: who did?
[23:18] ***anonymous***: my sisters former tennis coach
[23:19] TheBladeRoden: score?
[23:20] ***anonymous***: many times
[23:20] ***anonymous***: although im having trouble scoring off the court
[23:20] ***anonymous***:
[23:20] TheBladeRoden: har har
[23:20] ***anonymous***: haha
[23:21] TheBladeRoden: I was thinkin we might try scoring at the Nielson, being all climate controlled and all
[23:22] TheBladeRoden: and I like to get out of the small towns on occassion
[23:22] ***anonymous***: yeah i hear that
[23:24] TheBladeRoden: so you're in Madison during weekdays right?
[23:24] ***anonymous***: yeah
[23:24] ***anonymous***: but im usually doing school stuff or babysitting
[23:25] TheBladeRoden: So any good times?
[23:27] ***anonymous***: this week is pretty full for me and im even going to Oshkosh Saturday morn
[23:27] ***anonymous***: im just a busy bee!
[23:30] TheBladeRoden: you aren't stringing me along are you?
[23:31] ***anonymous***: haha
[23:31] ***anonymous***: no, we'll play one of these weekends
[23:32] TheBladeRoden: that's just what a stringer alonger would say
[23:32] TheBladeRoden: :p
[23:32] ***anonymous***: ok believe what you want
Session Close (***anonymous***): Mon Jul 24 23:33:17 2006


Session Start (TheBladeRoden:***anonymous***): Mon Jul 24 23:37:29 2006
[23:37] ***anonymous***: alrighty im hittin the showers
[23:37] ***anonymous***: ill talk later
[23:37] TheBladeRoden: k
[23:38] ***anonymous***: peace
[23:38] TheBladeRoden: and all that jazz
Session Close (***anonymous***): Mon Jul 24 23:39:25 2006

And that's all that's happened until now. This scenario seems to be a recurring theme where I'm left wondering where the girl is using stall and delay techniques or is genuinely busy and wants to do something. Most of the time it's the former. Too bad.

Personally I would pretend your not interested in her but thats just me

Me too, that would weed her true intentions out. If she IS actually interested, then she'll make a bit of an effort. Her actions are a bit hazy, it could genuinely be her busyness or whatever, but I'm a bit of a pessimistic so I doubt it. It seems like you're the one pushing here and shes just throwing up excuses.

My advice? Do a backhand across the line and put the ball in her court. Let her make some effort. How many showers does a person need??

I agree, it sounds like your showing a lot more interest than you'd want to. That and saying that finding someone right now is a 'summer project'? I would have done anything but say something that pointed that you didn't have a girlfriend or weren't dating. Pretty consistent advice from everyone else so far, sounds like your pretty good at dropping the right kinds of conversational questions and tidbits that keeps a conversation going pretty well - wish I had that, I tend to say similar things but for some reason it tends not to work as well (thinking my observations or things I'd think of to say are, while on-point, too far outside what someone else would say or how somoene else would put it).

Ok first question, is *censored* the same as *anonymous*?

Red flags: ie things that would put me off the rotten blade.

[22:31] TheBladeRoden: I rarely see movies in theatres
+ your reasons are red flags too.

[22:37] TheBladeRoden: There's been like 7 people
seven people??? so much for someone special

[22:44] TheBladeRoden: Why do they keep that empty space between the two cleffs? It's harder to pinpoint where the notes are
* ok this is just uber weird. I don't think she meant paper music. plus I'd find a wall of black lines and tiny dots harder to follow than it already is and I like my text with nice big blank lines to break it up too. But your comment would count as "off the wall / weird humour".

[22:49] TheBladeRoden: *synthesizers
correcting your spelling just makes the mistakes you miss stand out more, and she understood what you meant anyway. Unless you wrote a word that gives the wrong intention or meaning, then correcting spelling in chat is just annoying. It distracts from the conversation topic.

[22:49] ***censored***: well hey man, I must depart and relocate to my comfy BED!
Ok now she's trying to brush you off, that music stuff was too strange for her.

Weekend 4 - looks bad - but did you try using the phone number? Why didn't you try the phone????
however she didn't phone either.

Green flags: Things that suggest she's interested
[22:18] ***censored***: well i usually have an away message up but Im never too far away
she admits this to you ie gives you permission to message her when she's marked "away".

[22:34] ***censored***: so id get over ya s**t and head out to see The Breakup!
she spots your red flags and is still chatting with you. lucky you.

[13:26] ***anonymous***: my cell is *************
she definitely likes you but hedges her bets by saying she doesn't answer strange numbers. And then leaves you with the delicious imagining of her in the shower...

a free BBQ rib meal
definitely likes you, but the weekend didn't pan out like she thought it would.

explained why she wasn't online on weekend 4. She was playing tennis/away from computer. she likes you. Or she loves talking about herself.

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comment
I think you will have to make an appointment with this girl. by phone. And she clearly likes going out to movies mid week heaps more than you do. See if you can get an invite to the next movie session. She also has no clue if she's part of your special project or not. So with a "just friends" status, you might be falling to the bottom of the priority list. You're going to have to get specific about what you want to do with her, like the tennis appointment - make advance plans - don't wait for the weekend and sit around hoping - because she is making her plans well in advance of the weekend.

So I guess I should wait until she contacts me and then set something up other than tennis like the movie?

TheBladeRoden

I think that you have neatly summed up the exact opposite of what I suggested.

I suggest you get on the phone, today or tomorrow, and fix a tennis date/time with her in concrete -ideally for this weekend. That's if you want to play tennis with her. Otherwise don't bother.

Don't let her get away with "I'll see if I've got time on the weekend" because she won't. If she won't make a definite time with you, you can take that as a "brush off", she'll be nice to you when she sees you in the street but she doesn't want to be your friend or spend face to face time with you.

Time your call for before she goes out for the evening. From your chat logs you should be able to work out when she goes to a movie, working back from when she gets home, so call her at a time that would be about 30 minutes before she goes to the movie. You've already told her you don't like going out to movies so she's not going to invite you. You'd have to say something like "can I come to the movies with you and your friends, and see if I like it better with your group" (and maybe bring a couple of your own friends - not necessarily one of your seven special project friends :S).

But I think you'd be better to try for tennis first. Have some sort of back up plan, what to do if the weather is crap.