Met someone...again...how do I do it RIGHT this time?

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So I went with friends to the movies tonight. It was at an arthouse theatre, the film was "Battleship Potemkin." While there I met the girl tearing the tickets. She knew my friends, and so we all chatted briefly before the screening. After it was over, my friends departed for a concert, which wasn't my cup of tea. I was about to leave, but lingered and struck up a chat with the ticket girl.

It was a good conversation. I asked about her work and she told me about what she was studying and how she loved working at the art theatre because between shows she could catch up on her reading...philosophy! I told her about my work, as a filmmaker, and she seemed really into it...of course, the fact she works in a theatre may just mean she's interested in filmmaking. But, she seemed into the conversation. Sometimes it feels like I'm doing all the work, and here it was very two sided, back and forth, both ways. And we discovered we had no less than three mutual friends, including a director I've worked for, an actor who's worked for the same company as I currently do, and an actress who was in a film I shot, and is her roommate!

It was late though, and naturally things had to end. I gave her my business card. Not in a propositional way, like "Call me," but a little more like a professional thing, like ,"Here's my card," as we exchanged names. I didn't get her number, though it will surely be easy to reach her, either by seeking her out at the theatre or through one of our mutual friends.

She's smart, happy with what she's doing, though she has goals for the future, and she's awfully cute too. We share interests on film, philosophy, psychology...So naturally I really want to learn more about her. My question to you all is, how do I proceed, and do it right? I want to talk to her again.

I don't go to that theatre fairly often...maybe once a month on average. However there are films showing this month I'd like to see, so I've got a plausible reason. But it's still a matter of talking to her while she's on the job. Sooner or later I've got to take the plunge and try to meet her outside of work. And then there's the issue of if she has a BF or not. Do I ask one of her mutual friends? Or does that reveal my hole card? Will they then say to her "This guy is asking about you..."

Jeez, I don't know where to begin. How do I go forward with this girl, and do it right?

Next time you go to the movies, see if she is there. I don't mean make a special trip to the movies for her, I mean next time you go. If she isn't there, DON'T SWEAT IT. At the end of your conversation, tell her that you hoped she would be there. Notice how I don't know the answer. That's because the answer is there is no answer. She doesn't know what she wants any more than you know what she wants. But if the first meeting was informal, then the second meeting should be informal. Jumping from stage 1 to stage 4 isn't a good idea. This isn't Super Mario Bros. Sure, if you use the pipe...at a party...you can get to stage 4 easily (heh heh) but this isn't a party.

Stop by as her shift is ending, hands in pocket, thumbs out of pocket...happy go lucky like and say to her "I was in the neighborhood and wondered if you'd like to get coffee and talk some more."

This conveys that you are interested in her without being too straight forward because most guys wouldn't just show up at her work unless he was interested and most women know this.
Asking her to get coffee and talk is non-threatening because it's just coffee and talking and it gives her a chance to get to know you better if she might be interested, and if she's not interested in dating you, then it's not awkward because it was just a coffee and a talk which could also lead to a friendship.

She'll probably like the approach if she's into theater because it's also very quaint and light hearted chick flick like.

IF she says she can't because she's busy, don't automatically take that to mean she's not interested, because remember, you did just show up at her work and she may have had things she had to do after work that couldn't wait.

If she turns you down (and it's not because of an existing relationship), suggest another specific date. Example:
Her: I'd love to but I can't because I have to (whatever)
You: How about next (whatever day) then?
Her: I have to work.
You: After work then.

Look her pretty square in the eyes when you do this with a slight smirk on your face.

If she's not interested, at this point she might just flat out tell you. If she is interested, she might still not be able to meet at that time, but she might offer another time. If she leaves it ambiguous, just telling you she can't meet after work on the day you suggested, you can say

"Well, you have my card, so when you're available give me a call," or something like that.


I know what you're thinking (if you've read other posts) "But aren't I supposed to NOT be pushy? Isn't this going to come across as creepy?"

It's not pushy because you're not pleading with her. It is a bit brazen but in a confident, somewhat romantic, yet neutral way because you've *non-verbally* implied interest while also demonstrating a non-threatening confidence. You were confident enough to push the matter just a little and this also demonstrated emotional strength, you were non-threatening in that you backed off what is most likely soon enough.

Even if she does say no in the end you can still give yourself credit for going outside of your comfort zone and having the courage to approach her.

(in case she does say yes,know a coffee shop nearby)

This all depends on how the guy's gonna say it.

Trying to make him memorize these stuff would make him more nervous and anxious , aspies tend to get the "rules" literary , his head will run things such as " I say X , if she says Y, I should say Z but if she says W , I should say Q ....etc" and "I put my hands in pockets, thumbs outside pocket, feet 45 degrees , head upfront,...etc".

This is a HORRIBLE way , this is not some theater performance or some job interview.


Brianruns10 , first of all ,try to facebook her to know whether she has a boyfriend or not , if you couldn't get this info, just ask a mutual friend that you most trust before trying anything.

As for how to proceed , approach her with the same attitude you approached her in the first time. , there were no rules in your head so you were just being natural and you did good!! so keep it that way , and remember that the second time would be way easier since she already knows you and she'll recognize you.


So just be extremely relaxed and say hello to her or hello back if she initiates the salutation , and try to make a little conversation with her before asking her out, go with the flow and during the conversation invite her for a coffee somewhere nearby. DON'T care what she would respond (unless if the answer was "I have a bf") , whatever she says other than yes just try to continue the conversation out of her answer (example : Her : "umm but I have to walk my dog after work" , you :" You have a dog, really? what breed?).

So just keep the flow going, don't memorize any body language or word rules , you could do it smoothly in the first time so you can do it anytime

And try to ask her for her email and facebook id.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 10 Apr 2011, 2:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My advice: don't obsess over her for several months if she shows no interest.

Have you considered becoming a porn director?

You get crazy amounts of ass that way...

Well whichever way he feels more comfortable.

Why would he need to do anything, if she wants to go somewhere him she'll call.

Facebook is a dead end. Even her roommate (with whom I'm friends on FB) doesn't have her Friended, so I don't think she has a page (which is rather refreshing, though it makes finding details a bit tougher).

As for her calling me, does that actually happen? Do ANY girls call guys, really? They've never called me. I figure I've got to take the initiative.

Very few girls call guys out of the blue. You are right in figuring you have to take the initiative.

What about asking her roommate if the girl is single? And if she is, maybe that would open the door to her fixing us up? God I wish dating had an intermediary, like a broker to make this stuff easy. So damn terrified I'll mess up with the next sentence out of my mouth, and forever ruin my chances with another girl.

Well I hope this works out for you. Perhaps you can get friends together more often. Have you ever aksed friends of yours if they want to hang out with some of their other friends as well so you can meet people?

I dunno what works but good luck.

In an ideal world, yes she should be the one calling first if she's interested , she has his number , he doesn't have her number, so she is the one who should initiate the call.

But hélas, girls won't give up this "privilege" easily even if they are interested.

Yes....yes...do ask her.

Messaged my friend who rooms with her. She's got a BF, and a serious one, so I'm f****d. One more person to add to the list of people I will never get the chance to know or love, who will know or love me. s**t, everyone is taken. When's it gonna be my turn? How many failures before I get a little companionship? f**k. f**k, f**k, f**k, f**k, f**k, f**k, f**k, f**k, f**k, f**k, f**k, f**k, f**k, f**k, f**k, f**k, FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

On to the next failure.

Look at the bright side (not much brighter, I know) : you saved yourself from being embarrassed.

Always listen to my advices .