Is it because im Aspie?

Post Reply New Topic

Okay.
ever since i moved to this town, all of my girlfriends have cheated on me....
im starting to think they are taking advantage of my aspergers by using me for the things i have and dont even take into consideration what they are doing to me is going to mess me up for a long period of time.

its really starting to hurt, i mean my last girlfriend was a year ago and im still depressed over it.
i just want someone who cares, you know?

i was just wondering.
Is the reason i am so upset because im aspie? or should i just man up and deal with it.

Don't let it bother you. Cheating is pretty common in neurotypicals and doesn't say anything about you. The girls you're dealing with are most likely immature at this age.

You have every right to be upset no matter whether you were an NT or as you are. Those girls have violated your trust and that is something that is really hard to get over. However, the best thing you can do is forgive and move on. Let the next girl you're involved with know that you have been cheated on before and will never cheat on her because you know how it feels. It'll probably win you brownie points.

Also, I doubt most people cheat. (Unless of course someone can give me statistics that say otherwise.) It's just the ones who do that really get around. Don't let it get you down too much. You're not the first they've cheated on and you won't be the last.

Cheating isn't odd. Your being upset probably has nothing to do w/ your AS and everything to do with betrayal being sucky.

http://www.catalogs.com/info/relationsh ... ch-ot.html

That was the first statistic I found searching google. I'm sure there are studies about how many people have ever cheated. And I suspect its definitely at least 60% of people. However, that doesn't make it right. I'm just saying that a lot of people have been cheated on and most of those people didn't have asperger's

right.
i was just wondering because all my friends are saying i need to get over it and are starting to get angry with me because im depressed about it all the time, i mean i try to be happy, its just whack.
but im slowly getting out of the hole its dug for me.
i just hope i find someone who is considerate and loyal.

Being upset has nothing to do with your AS. Most people become upset when they are cheated on, and especially so when multiple partners cheat on them.

Friends are supposed to tell us to get over it. They're there to help give you some perspective. It's not the end of the world, and you will find someone else.

However, if you are having trouble getting past it, you might want to consider therapy. People that are habitually cheated on tend to gain a rather skewed view of things and are more likely to choose another partner that will cheat on them.

Not a problem. There are a lot of reasons people are cheated on, but having AS just isn't one of them.

If it weren't for cheating being an absolutely despicable act and one of the worst things you can do to a partner, i'd almost be honored for a chance to cheat. Not for trying to ruin a relationship, but because cheating, by definition, requires that there's two girls that like you. I can't even get one...

So no, even if i wanted to, I could never cheat. Even if I could though, I wouldn't want to...

I feel your sadness Falco. It will be 5 years next August that I was cheated on by my first true love and i still miss them to this day, even after what they did. My advise is to try to avoid the cheating type of girl, i know that sounds a bit stereotypical, but try to wait untill a nice quite girl comes along.

Keep your chin up, you will get through this

Cheating is bad regardless of NT/AS distinction. The betrayal of trust is painful for them as well. At your age, it's fairly common though. This is one of the reasons I didn't date much at your age. The temporary physical relationship dynamic has little benefit for me.

If you think girls are after you for physical reasons, then my advice would be the same as it would be for a girl at your age. If you want something more than sex and a fling, don't give them any early in the relationship. Make them wait, and if they're only interested in sex, they won't wait and you can move on without the angst. One caveat to this is that since you're male, you'll have to show your romantic attraction in other ways (kissing, cuddling, gifts). Girls are used to guys being after sex and if the guy doesn't go for it without any explanation as to why, the girl may think he finds her unattractive and/or is friend zoning her. It bears repeating that guys are normally the more aggressive when it comes to dating and deviating from the norm always risks misunderstanding.

If they're after you because of your money, don't spend any on them, and be deliberately cheap, and you will be able to tell pretty quick which ones are really interested in you and not your wallet.

AS people are less likely to identify the signs of a chaotic or unstable personality. I learned to look very hard for the signs.

I remember the first time I ever rejected a woman because I decided she was chaotic. She was talking about us moving in together (after a week together), and I quickly reviewed my suspicions and said no. It was as clear as day to me because I was looking for signs of it after having been burned by others before.

Tune your radar, listen to their histories very carefully, and keep an eye out for times when words and actions don't meet.

I agree with the person who said that we may miss signs of unstable personalities.

I also believe you have every right to be upset.
About what I wrote above, people like that also seem attracted to me somehow.
It could be that I have a tendency to look for people who are different, because I am, and in the process of doing so, I sometimes forget to filter out the ones who arent so nice too because they are usually considered different as well.