Overcoming obstacles in a Neurotypical/Aspie relationship?

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Hi everyone. I know this is a lot, but if you could take a look, it would be so helpful to both of us! Thank you in advance.

So, I'm a neurotypical person, while the guy I seem to be heading toward a relationship with was diagnosed with Asperger's as a child. Our friendship has been occasionally rocky due to our intensely different minds. He broke my heart, and it took me a great deal of time to understand that it was truly... an accident. These days, I think we're making some great strides in communication and understanding, but I'm still reluctant to enter this relationship for the following reasons. If anyone could give me reassurance, or warn me to stay away, or share their own experiences with similar challenges in a relationship, or ANYTHING... I would be truly grateful. <3 This guy deserves a second chance, but I need to know what I'm getting into. Cause for hesitation:

1) I love to be around people. He's a little more reclusive. Generally, he does not keep close friends, and that bothers me. I don't want to be his 'one and only.' And I'm fine with staying at home or going out just us two, but if he's going to be my boyfriend, I want him to be a part of my life. Problem is, I'm terrified to introduce him to my friends or family. I accept him for who he is, but my fear is that they will not be so understanding. What if he says or does something... irredeemable? By now I've learned to laugh it off as one of his quirks, but I would hate to feel the need to 'explain' him to someone else.

2) I don't know much about Asperger's, so I generally take his word for it when he offers explanation. But sometimes I worry about letting him get away with things I shouldn't. How do I tell the difference between the times when I should be flexible and the times when I am genuinely being mistreated? Relationships are give and take. I can't be the one to make all the sacrifices. If we want this to work we must both compromise for each other. Would it be weird to read books on it? To me, he's his own kind of normal... I'd feel strange for 'studying' him like that. :/ How do I ensure that we're both doing our part?

3) I am an openly emotional person. Sometimes I yell and cry, sometimes I'm a giddy puddle of mush. Sometimes I throw tantrums. So far, since we've put some real effort into taking care of each other, I can tone it down when I know it will only confuse him and he can be supportive even when he IS confused. It's been great! My only problem is the fact that I so seldom see him angry or sad. I know he feels those things, but his approach to such emotions is entirely different from mine... much quieter and more internalized. I understand, but my sense of security is inevitably thrown off by this. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I rarely see him in a weak moment. The trust feels uneven. I'm just not sure how to go about resolving this.

Thank you for reading... any insight would be deeply appreciated. Two dorks, two very different brains, but we both feel like we've found the right person on the wrong planet... hopefully we'll be able to make each other happy. Peace!

1) This likely won't change. Introduce him and see how he does. If you can live with that, ok. But if he's not a friend person, that won't change. Or he'll make them and throw them away now and again.

2) Read a book on the subject so you'll have your own benchmark. The Complete Guide is a good start.

3) My relationship is like that. She's weepy, I'm stoic. I don't really see a problem. I'd be surprised if he doesn't have issues with angry outburts when stressed. Maybe you just haven't seen them yet.

Rather than address each question, I'll say this;

Learn about Aspergers.

His not keeping close friends is not an issue as far as I can see, he's happy like that and it doesn't mean that he's going to use you to make up for lack of other social contact. As for being terrified of introducing him to friends and family...that does not sound like you're accepting, your family and friends need to accept him, if they can't that's their problem, you don't need to make excuses for him, that's not what relationships are about and it's not something NT partners need to do. Aspergers is also not an excuse to be selfish, he has to be flexible and meet you half way, the fact he has aspergers is irrelevant, be understanding of his issues, but don't take his sh@t.

Being a person with aspergers doesn't make him a special case, there's little reason to think he'd require any more special treatment than any other person; NT or aspie - he may need you to understand some things about him, but that's it.