Is there a way

Post Reply New Topic

...to make rejections less painful?

I just want to be able to ask a girl out, apply for a job, hell, even being able to join a group would be nice. But the looming threat of rejection is always poised to strike when i am at my weakest: alone.

Some suggest that you just ignore it or not care about it, which to them works as some sort of plot armor, but to me it just doesn't make any sense, as in order to put myself out there, I have to care about it. I'm not going to ask out a girl I don't even know... most of the time im not even attracted at that point. It's only after getting to know a girl that I start thinking about it, feeling attractions, and all that, and it's only then that I could even contemplate asking a girl out. And needless to say, "not caring" when asking a girl out in that situation is only doing both of us a disservice.

One thing to keep in mind is that someone who's rejecting you isn't really rejecting YOU. The extent that they know you is the tip of the iceberg compared to all the things that make you up. We get this idea that a girl rejecting us is saying "Everything you are and do is worthless to me," but that's simply not the case at all. Maybe the girl's attracted to a particular type: Tall guys, cowboys, older men, etc...and you just don't fit into that category. Are you a lesser person because you're not 6'2? Hell no. Don't mistake THEIR shallowness for your failure.

You'll always care. Everyone cares.

It's possible to not care that you care. If that makes any sense?

I wish I could forget... every failure, rejection, or just plain bad moment in my life replays over and over again in my head like a broken record. The process is involuntary, I just can't seem to stop it. And people wonder why i'm "depressed"...

I deal with rejection a lot in my line of work. It is a near constant (amazing I can eek out a living at it). After experiencing this innumerable times, rejection of this nature sort of rolls off my back -- yeah it still sucks, but I get right out there and work on my career.

Now that's my career. Women and relationships are an entirely different experience because it does feel like they're rejecting the entirety of you. But as a friend pointed out to me, it's a numbers game...you have to meet as many potential partners as possible -- that means no time for down time, haha. So I've taken a different approach since my 20s; I embrace the pain instead of wallowing in it. I don't mean being masochistic about it, but acknowledging that it does hurt, and letting it hurt you. Trying to avoid it or lessen it only made me timid in future engagements. It was a self-inflicted Pavlovian response in a way. Yeah, it f*****g hurts! But know that because it hurts, you're still alive and human and beautiful for it. Because if it didn't hurt, you'd be emotionally dead, right?

I'm a proactive pessimist. I assume failure from the outset, which prepares me for the worst, and then develop a "what the hell" attitude. If it doesn't matter what you do, you can do anything you like. Look on the upcoming rejection as a chance to try something different and fun. That girl is going to turn you down anyway, so why not try a different approach for the hell of it? You aren't getting this job, so try out some new interview patter. Occasionally you'll be entirely wrongfooted and you don't get rejected at all - and then one is pleasantly surprised.

I'm somewhat bipolar, though I seem to cope fairly well with it and have never needed medication yet. But I do have days when I remember my car accident, or the period when my partner fell into alcoholism, or the time I was attacked at university, or the fact I spent so much of my life lonely and miserable. Even in my bright days I struggle to think of things that made me happy - I know there are some, but I can't remember how they felt. Only the melancholy stays in the mind. Gee, thanks, biology. It's lucky for God I don't believe in him, or I'd be pretty darn pissed with the mess he made of me.

Just do what I do. Not dates, no jobs, no nothing. If you never put yourself out there, you will never get hurt.. (Im kidding, don't. Its not fun)

No but honestly, someone once gave me really good advice. Stand in front of a mirror and just say no, no, no, over and over again. Its something you are not used to hearing much, and can be painful, but eventually you get used to it, you just need practice. People are often scared of the unknown, make it less unknown.. For some strange reason it works... Not sure how good it is for you ego..

I was a huge pessimist until I just decided I had enough and I was beating myself up concentrating on the negatives for nothing. Change starts with taking small steps. I see a huge difference in my way of thinking now.

Rejection is more painful if you have high expectations. Its better not to expect much even from close friends and relatives. I don't mean you should not work hard towards achieving something. I mean just don't have too many expectations.