My Self Destruct

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Im sorry to say this but at times i just feel that life is so hopeless. I mean im heading on 22 and i still have never been with a girl seriously. I mean yes ive done things like ive kissed a girl in truth or dare but it wasnt romantic or anything. I just want to be with a girl seriously these past 10 years ive had many online girlfriends i even have met some from my town locally like at the mall they all made fun of me and said i looked like the kind of person people make fun of or they say i get too attached which its true i am a very clingy lonley person i wont lie about it and often i feel depressed about it and i cry a lot.


My last 2 online gfs i had the very last one was from Canyon Country her name was Sarah she lived by magic mountain so thats like 5 or 6 hours away from me i met her off my space and we chatted everyday for about 4 months i met her when i was promoting the guns n roses my space page that i had made which got taken away. She claimed she was 19 but i think really was 16 i talked to her own personal friends and i asked them they said 16 and i questioned her she said no shes 19 so i said fine. I figured if its true love then im willing to give her a shot plus i didnt think 6 years apart was so bad. So i loved her very very very much and we talked everyday and i saved every chat log on aim that i had with her and i psoted it on my live journal for everyone to see i had forgotten to set privacy. one day in april after our month anniversary i guess she didnt want to do an online relationship anymore so she was trying to date some guy and she basically just stopped talking to me and we got into a fight and its a long story i wont give full detail here but i dont speak to her anymore i miss her very much :'(.


Ok thats part one of my last gf Before i met sarah there was Terah who was from Florida we were together from late october to december and our relationship was really really serious although we didnt talk on the phone wheras with sarah i spoke on the phone. But terah i met in an anime chatroom and she was lesbian and said she wanted to be with me because she said she was in love with me. So we hooked up a week later and she broke up with me because she said she couldnt be with a guy then another few days later she said she was sorry and she wanted another chance and that she loved me so much. We talked about getting married and having kids she was turning 18 and wanted to move out to california to move in with me and i live with my mom still so we were going to try to rent a place together if she had moved out here. So then finally in december she said she was sorry and that she just couldnt be with me because shes lesbian and that she never was meant to be alive and she got into this huge emo fit. Now with terah i was very depressed but i loved her very very much i even think about her to this day because she made me feel so alive she gave me hope she made me think that finally someone loves me and that my pain and suffering will finally end. And she said she loved me for who i was and not because she felt sorry for me. I really loved her more than life itself thats the truth the words she spoke. I cried for months when she left me i even tried to commit suicide and ended up in a mental hospital and was taken away by the police i cried everyday wishing for her return.




So now here i am looking back at all this id tell you more stories about my other online girlfriends from the early years but im not going to ramble on ill save those stories for another time. I apologize for not using grammer you guys probably wont read this all the way due to poor grammer and puntuation.

If you seriously want help, I advise that you improve your grammar. It doesn't have to be anything too fancy; just get your core ideas grouped into seperate paragraphs as we don't like reading massive blocks of text.

After this is done, then we can help out.

Hi, Warrior -
I don't know if you really want advice or not, but on the chance that you really do, I'll give it a shot.
First I wish you could understand that even though you feel like you've been lonely for a long time, 22 is still really young. As us old folks like to say, you've got your whole life ahead of you. But I guess right now that life doesn't look too great. So here's where the advice comes in - the way to create a good and meaningful life is not to obsess about finding someone to be with, but to make yourself someone that others would want to be with. I'm sorry that you have been teased so heartlessly - that truly sucks. But not everyone in the world is a jerk, and there are people who will love you. But first you have to truly love yourself. Love yourself enough to recognize your strengths and accept your weaknesses - but learn to work around them. I am sure that you have strengths - so acknowledge them and find a way to use them to help others - people, animals, plants, or society in general. By making yourself useful, you will grow in confidence, and there is nothing more attractive than confidence. And you will become the kind of person that people admire and want to get to know better.
Second, work on developing friendships before you get too emotionally attached to one person. Take it slow. It takes a long time to really get to know someone. I know small talk is sometimes difficult, but it takes a lot of small talk to get to understand someone's background and values and sense of humor. And those are the things that will matter in the long run.
Good luck and don't give up yet!

Hi Warrior

... - what Rosacoke said ...

Plus
I had my first real/serious girlfriend at age 24. Married her at age 26. Still married 21 yrs later. Don't stress about being 22.

You are who you are. Be proud of your strengths. If you have weaknesses you don't like, you have to work on them. Like yourself. Others will too.

At about your age, I joined the "young" branch of a political party. It was fun and there were lots of girls involved who were there just to meet people. At Uni they called it "The best Party on campus". You may want to consider it. In Australia, political parties have falling membership and they are very welcoming of new members.

Could be worth a try

Young Democrats http://www.youngdems.org/
Young Republicans http://www.yrfc.org/index.asp

My handle is beechnut, and I am new to the forum. I am now 61 years old, and the diagnosis of AS was not available in my childhood. I did not even know for sure what my condition was until 1998, a year before my mother died. She had told me I had been diagnosed with autism, and nobody talked about it back in those days. I had a lot of trouble getting along in public school, and was pulled out during Thanksgiving break when I reached fourth grade. After having a tutor for a year, I was placed in a private boarding school, where I was until I was 21. I finally rebelled to get out of the school, and even went to the local police station because I was convinced that nobody else could help me. Communication with the outside world was very restrictive, and even parents had many limitations. Unlike many males with AS, I was extremely girl crazy during adolescence and beyond. The director of the school nearly went ballistic over some of my actions, and was nearly place in solitary confinement for a time. After creating my own civil war, I was finally transferred to another private school in California, where I had a bit more freedom, but eventually there too it was not enough. The director of the first school always felt I had developed an obsession with "going girling."

Finally, in 1970, I finally got my first real chance to "go girling" and joined a social group for single adults in their 20's and early 30's. I was 26 at the time. After about a year the couple who more or less led the club contacted my parents on a night I wasn't home and complained that many of the girls in the club were being scared off by my actions. That was also the heyday of the singles bar scene, and I was always the one who was accosted by the bouncers and told not to talk to certain ladies. I felt I was doing nothing different from what any other male might do in trying to approach women. Seemed as if I was always getting called on the carpet for actions that others seemed to get away with quite easily. Which brings me to the "whipping boy" syndrome. That's why I feel I have been a good whipping boy. Why are so many "normal" women afraid of someone with my condition, when I don't feel I have done anything to cause this? This is a syndrome that continues with me to this day.