Husband is aspie

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Our son was recently diagnosed with aspergers and it has finally explained my husband's behaviour and reactions. Finally.

We have been married 13 years. He misreads me all the time. Everything he reads as an attack on him or him doing things wrong. He makes a big deal of everything. I love him very much. How can I help him?

Example: TaeKwonDo with oldest in 10 minutes. 5 in family. He puts 4 pieces to cook. I ask why 4? (Expecting him to say he is not eating maybe or cooking ours later) He gets defensive and it turns into a major whatnot.

Another example: I will come in and the tv is on and he has gone outside in the back. I change the channel and flick channels for a bit. He comes in, gets all upset. Tells me next day he was watching something. I would have changed the channel back. I had no idea he was watching something in particular.

Another example: Schedule(our calendar). TaeKwonDo is same days every week. He will forget. It is on calendar. When he comes home and I tell him it is the night for this, and he has forgotten, he gets all bent out of shape.

I experience a lot of outbursts and frustration from him over who knows what. I generally have no idea why he is upset most of the time. Is this common? How do I help him? I want what is best for him and our family.

My advice use very direct clues like put the cloths for TaeKwonDo on a hanger in plain sight that morning to remind him. Part of him acting the way he does might not be AS but how he views woman. Tell him directly you can not read his mind that's why you are asking him, not as nagging him as he might see it as. Again the channel switching he must be thinking you know what he was watching. That's called being mind blind on his part thinking you know what he was watching. Not going to be easy to tell him that but in the long run very helpful for both of you.

Usually aspies like it when you are very direct.

Like when he gets four pieces out for dinner when there should be five, he probably just had brain fade or failed to count correctly. I know asking why is generally more polite but maybe you need to explain that you're trying to be polite, and would he prefer if you just tell him "five pieces not four tonight - unless he isn't hungry?".

Forgetting what night is which - I do this all the time, I don't think it is particularily aspie. I think putting the Taekwando kit where he can see it when he gets home helps, and telling him with no bias or accusing tone that it's Taekwando night. Also letting him know it's ok to forget, you can remind him. Him forgetting may be a sign that he's had a really tough day at work so you could try mentioning that, and just tell him that everyone forgets sometimes.

If he's really sensitive about forgetting things or counting wrong, ask if there is something you could do that would help, like a calendar and a check list for each activity close to where the action happens, and being more forgiving if he does forget.