What are the rules for dating versus non-dating?

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trappedinhell
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24 May 2011, 1:10 pm

I'm in the dating pool, but pretty clueless. Due to my location I can't afford to turn down any offers of dates from local girls, but at the same time most of my "dating" is very long distance. Are there rules anywhere for what is appropriate? Obviously I want to date as many people and get as serious as possible, but at the same time I don't want to two time anyone or hurt any feelings - my reputation as a decent guy is very important to me.

My situation
Today I find myself in the happy position of speaking regularly to three different girls online (I say "girls" - I am 42 and they are around my age). One is local and wants to meet for a drink. She is a nice person, but so far I don't think we have much in common. Yet I need to date! Like a fish needs to swim! The other two are a very long way away but I have much more in common with them.

Four scenarios
scenario 1: This past week I was just chatting to all three online. I am sure there is nothing wrong with that.

scenario 2: Most likely one or all will lose interest and stop emailing, so there will be no problem.

scenario 3: Ideally one would fall in love with me, and that would lead to sex and commitment and stuff (in my dreams!) so I would say goodbye to the other two - again, no problem. I can only wish.

Scenario 4: the most likely scenario is that months go by, during which I see the local girl (or someone else) for a drink each week or two, and the date maybe ends with a chaste kiss, and meanwhile I write to my potential online soul mates, who hopefully come to see me as more than just a friend. This is a moral minefield!! ! What are the rules??

The rules?
Some people say "follow your heart" but for an aspie that is not always wise. In the past this led to me professing undying love within the first two weeks and that never ends well. :)

Other people say "take it slow" but this would result in slowly building up a deep friendship with two girls simultaneously. That would feel like two timing. But how do I know when "just chatting" becomes romance? It's hard enough to recognize clues face to face, online is even harder.

Other people say "be honest" but that means telling girl A about girl B - even more people say "never talk to one girl about another girl."

And what about meeting for drinks that ends with a peck on the cheek? How much further can the peck go before I am two timing someone else? This is all very confusing! And in a nice way. As I said, most likely one or all will just stop emailing, but right now I am in the wonderful position of fantasizing about having three girls after me.

The only person I know with a lot of experience dating says "date them all but make sure each one does not know about the others" but ethics are very important to me.

Help!! ! What are the rules???



BlueMage
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24 May 2011, 3:31 pm

Slow down cowboy. You're just talking to them. All three will probably drop off the face of the earth next week.

If it comes up just say you are talking to other people online, don't give details unless they ask.



trappedinhell
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24 May 2011, 3:36 pm

BlueMage wrote:
Slow down cowboy. You're just talking to them. All three will probably drop off the face of the earth next week.


Not if I have anything to do with it. :)



RossMc
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27 May 2011, 1:06 am

Jump right in! Don't waste time analyzing the relationships. You're a guy- You can't get pregnant. The big danger is running into a nut case who will bring such lovely things as jealous ex-boyfriends stalking them (and you), plus false accusations of rape and abuse.



trappedinhell
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27 May 2011, 1:19 am

r

RossMc wrote:
Jump right in! Don't waste time analyzing the relationships. You're a guy- You can't get pregnant. The big danger is running into a nut case who will bring such lovely things as jealous ex-boyfriends stalking them (and you), plus false accusations of rape and abuse.


What timing! Your reply appeared just at the moment I was writing a crazy all or nothing email that will either (a) find the love of my life, or more likely (b) get my emails automatically routed to the junk folder.