What do you talk about during the different stages of dating

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I’ve never dated before so I’m totally clueless about how conversations should go during dating. I’m trying out online dating on okcupid and I’m having trouble with having a conversation with the girls on there. I’m in my late 20s and I’m messaging girls who are in their late 20s to mid 30s.

Basically, I don’t know what to talk about, and even if I knew what to talk about, I wouldn’t know when the proper time would be to talk about it.

What do I talk about in messages on okcupid? What do I talk about on the phone? What do I talk about on the first date?

What are fun/light topics that I can discuss and when? What are personal topics that I can discuss and when? What are serious topics that I can discuss and when?

By the time you finish your first date, what are things you absolutely should discuss and what are things you absolutely should not discuss?

I’d be interested in hearing lots of examples from your personal experience.

There is no universal or ''right answer'' because it depends on many things. Have you already spend time with a friend ? If the answer is yes, what did you do and how did it went ? Dating is still spending time with another human being, so there are many similar things than with friendship : respect, having fun, being honest, sharing activities, etc.

Just talk about what you usually talk about with your friends, like Vanille states.

I believe that is the best approach.

Don't get too nosy about her personal life.

What do you talk about? The things you both want to talk about. The aim is to get to know each other. That might mean something different to you than it does to her, so if she asks you about what movies you like, then respond to that, as that's something she feels is important to know (or it's important to her to make small talk first). If you couldn't care less what movies she likes but you do want to know whether she more of an indoorsy or outdoorsy person, ask her that. Just a couple of random examples.

The point is it doesn't matter. Well...sometimes it does...but personally I prefer not to date people who think there are things that are taboo to talk about at certain times, so I just go ahead and ask what I want to ask and see what happens. The gems are the ones who respond positively to me being the way I am. The less compatible people are the ones I feel I have to adjust my manner significantly with just to get along.

So basically, I ignore stages. I'll discuss kids and marriage and politics on the first date and the weather on the third, it's not something I plan out. Though I DO like to know the important stuff as soon as possible so we can move on if we are simply not compatible. That just seems to make logical sense to me. OkC is good in that it provides a lot of that basic info upfront before you even talk to them.

I agree. Just talk about exactly what you would talk about with your friends. There is not much more to it.
Me and my very very very new boyfriend we talked just about everything while dating. The first date(s) we talked about our studies, our ambitions, previous holidays and holiday dreams, favorite foods, a little bit about our families, where we live and want to live, our interests. The dates after that shifted from holidays and favorite foods to topics with slightly more depth to them: more detail about what our parents/families are like, our friends, a talk about politics, our annoyances about work, our experiences with bulliying, a tiny bit of dating history. The dates after that we talked personal things again but now in more depth and detail. Interestes and studies were also always talked about each date, because those are things you practice on a regular basic and nearly always come up on their own. Also, every date consisted out of some sort of activity where we could point out and talk about things related to the activity (probably about 50-60 percent of the entire verbal interaction).
Basically the conversation should just flow. Me and my boyfriend associate pretty quickly, so the different themes just sort of naturally pass by in conversation. For example you might see something or notice something during an activity, which reminds you of something you experienced in the past. And telling that might trigger some associated theme/subject with your date. It just flows like that.

My friends and I make inappropriate jokes or talk about video games. That’s not something that I want to talk about during a first date.

Can you guys please give me a bunch of specific examples of what you have talked about on the first date? I’m completely clueless about this stuff because I haven’t done it before, so it really doesn’t come easy to me (having Asperger’s makes it even worse).

- marriage
- the weather
- religion
- inappropriate jokes
- kids
- what we do for work and how we feel about that
- did you notice there are pictures of naked people on the wall?
- plans for the weekend
- autism
- depression
- the food we are eating
- movies we liked and hated
- whether we like our family
- chocolate, seriously how good is it.

There's a few examples.

Philosophy

It tells you everything you need to know about someone.