How to flirt

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I think flirting is making the other person feel good about themselves at the same time as making it known your interested in them - difficult to do without offering a compliment or telling someone you like them -and probably a lot more difficult for someone on the autistic spectrum [and hence why some people may have difficulties with AS in forming relationships]

I found this video on Youtube interesting, it is mainly aimed at women
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7yaX9-GNeU

What does everyone else do, and how would you adapt what is in the video if you were male - other resources say that women play with their hair etc if they are feeling nervous [but this obviously indicates there is some interest] - and that the way to put them at ease is for instance to gently brush against their arm or shoulder.

For males, even if you dont do this it should be helpful to let you know when a woman is flirting with you - if she can do these things to let you know she is interested shes making the effort and probably best to at least acknowledge her even if you're not all that interested [providing shes not Psycho].

the whole 'come on' thing which girls do is really attractive when they do it right and makes you feel good about yourself - the girl stops and then does it, looks you right in the eye and its highly attractive.

For someone on the autistic spectrum this appeared to give good advice

http://www.wrongplanet.net/article354.html - kind of takes the requirement off the man to flirt, possibly allows someone with AS to be more themselves.

online dating probably is a no no though because you have no idea who your talking to - sometimes your friends introduce you to someone and thats ok [even online] as if you can trust your friend you can generaly trust the other person.

flirting can be good for some people but i find it such a corny, popular-culture way of going about things

the key is finding someone you get on with really well: by that time you won't even think about flirting, you'll appreciate them for being different

yes online dating is not ideal for meeting people (apart from a fling and even that's hard)

has anyone on WP looked into meetup.com: i've joined it about two weeks ago and its changed my life

i should mention that meetup.com is NOT a dating website, more a friendship website: it gets you talking to people (without the pressure of having to "make the move") and you also get to see something interesting too

i've mainly joined live music meetups film networking meetups and also meetups for social anxiety issues. i've also looked desperately for an AS one and seriously for what it's worth, i'm not going to try again: they're so rare anyway and either no one wants to join, or administators give you a grounding for not abiding by the rules or making a meeting place inapropriate.

The toughest part about coming on to someone is you have no idea what they want to hear. Sometimes you may say something that you think maybe nice but depending on what type of person you're talking to it could be crony or out of place. One example is telling a girl she looks like a nice girl yet you soon learn she's a loose hook up girl who's anything but that. Sometimes it's best to do scouting reports before approaching someone.

to be honest, people who want to get "good at flirting" are trying to bite off more than they can chew.
and let me be clear on this: i'm not trying to be patronising and harsh, anyone would find flirting in front of a complete stranger difficult.

as you mentioned, homer_bob, no one can be sure how the person-of-interest is going to react. and this brings me back to my point that you have to get to know someone beforehand and know the sort of advances they like and don't like.

when you know someone much better, you will feel ten times more confident of initiating a more intimate interaction with whoever you're trying to get to know.

as a general philosophy:

put less effort into flirting and worrying about inadequate body language

put more effort into getting involved in contexts where you might meet someone

"put the horse in front of the carriage"

I understand what your saying about the same techniques not working for all women - I imagine all women though different like to be made to feel good about themselves
and so flirting could be adapted based on how sociable the person is etc

its obviously going to be harder to flirt to someone on the spectrum [or if you are showing interest] than to a sociable NT

anyone have any idea about approaching shy girls, intellectual girls who may be on the spectrum

thanks

My problem is that I understand what flirting is, I just miss it every time. D:

I don't even recognize flirting when I see it. I've been in public and had people I know point out that a girl was flirting with me or trying to flirt with me, and they may as well be telling me that she was juggling cats while wearing a clown costume. Too bad I'm gay, because girls seem much more interested in me than gay guys. Not that I would even know if one was interested. Online dating makes it much easier. If a person starts messaging you and asking you out, it's hard not to see that they're interested. But as far as just playing the romance game with people in public, I'm clueless.