What am I?

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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
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06 Jun 2011, 5:35 pm

...in term of sexuality.

I am certainly heterosexual, or at least this what I think, since I am only sexually attracted to girls. However, I don't know how typically heterosexual I am.

I do have a normal sexual drive, but I look so indifferent regarding pursuing girls to the extent that my colleagues sometimes think I am gay or sexually dysfunctional, but I am not, yes I can erect, I can ejaculate, I can get horny while fantasizing about a crush.

For example, when some hot girl passes by, all guys around react in a certain way while I remain indifferent, they often tell me later something like "what? didn't you see that bimbo just now?".

Even more, never had an enthusiasm for having sex and even losing my virginity, back in years, I have been invited by colleagues to brothel nights, I rejected them all, the whole thing didn't appeal to me, never went to any of them. I am atheist, so it's certainly not the feel of guilt that made me not much interested in having sex with escorts or prostitutes, I remained virgin till present.

Never had a relationship, so I don't know how much I would be touchy with a SO (but generally I am not touchy with others), I have no idea how would my sex life with a SO would be.

So what am I? Am I a just a heterosexual who never experienced sex and hence ignorant about its real pleasure? or something else?

OhNowIGetIt
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06 Jun 2011, 5:45 pm

Maybe you'll make someone a decent boyfriend/ husband someday if you don't have to notice every "bimbo" that walks past! Sounds like you just haven't found what you are looking for yet. Nothing wrong with you as you describe, just haven't found the one. It seems only then you'll know what you are sexually after you engage in a sexual relationhship on your own terms.

And good for you for not being a sleaze who has to act rediculous over women you see, also for not ever being pressured into something less than you really want.

Phonic
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06 Jun 2011, 5:55 pm

It isn't unheard of to be heterosexual but uninterested in any pursuit, it's possible that you are fully sexually satisfied by masturbating.

I think it may be a form of asexuality, look into it.

I am somewhat jealous, I wish I was totally uninterested, since I have no chance right now

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metaphysics
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06 Jun 2011, 5:59 pm

[quote="The_Face_of_Boo]
I do have a normal sexual drive, but I look so indifferent regarding pursuing girls to the extent that my colleagues sometimes think I am gay or sexually dysfunctional, but I am not, yes I can erect, I can ejaculate, I can get horny while fantasizing about a crush.

For example, when some hot girl passes by, all guys around react in a certain way while I remain indifferent, they often tell me later something like "what? didn't you see that bimbo just now?".[/quote]

You make me suddenly think about my lover.

I prefer so, for other men made me embarrassed and only want to hide away.

Excuse me, can I ask, are you AS?
You don't need to answer that if you don't like. Or speak to me privately if you like. I just a little bit curious.

The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Jun 2011, 5:59 pm

OhNowIGetIt wrote:

An idealistic view, not sure if it really reflects my reality.

Maybe I should have clarified that I never had much motivation to pursue relationships (not just sex), even friendships most of the time. It's like....I don't much care whether to have a gf or not, the idea does cross my mind a lot as a wishful idea but I don't invest any energy to act about it.

Btw, those university 'friends', I mean colleagues who kept inviting me to brothel nights had girlfriends back then, when I asked them "don't you have gfs?", they all laughed and one of them commented "who told you that if one has a gf can't f**k?". I was the only one who was single among them (I think their gfs were religious conservatives and hence couldn't have sex with them, so they went to brothers instead).

But you know what? All those guys are now either engaged or married (2 of them married their girlfriends), one of them got a son recently, they're all now decent husbands and soon fathers.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 06 Jun 2011, 6:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Jun 2011, 6:08 pm

Phonic wrote:

Back to school, I had a limerence over the same girl for year. I had a little limerence over another girl back in college. But that all about it.

Quote:

I think it may be a form of asexuality, look into it.

I thought about this before, the best explanation I ever found was this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_p ... y_disorder

Quote:

Schizoid sexuality

People with SPD are sometimes sexually apathetic, though they do not normally suffer from anorgasmia. Many schizoids have a normal sex drive but some prefer to masturbate rather than deal with the social aspects of finding a sexual partner. Therefore, their need for sex may appear to be less than those who do not have SPD, as individuals with SPD prefer to remain alone and detached. When having sex, individuals with SPD often feel that their personal space is being violated, and they commonly feel that masturbation or sexual abstinence is preferable to the emotional closeness they must tolerate when having sex.[7][8] Significantly broadening this picture are notable exceptions of SPD individuals who engage in occasional or even frequent sexual activities with others.[9]

Harry Guntrip[10] describes the "secret sexual affair" entered into by some married schizoid individuals as an attempt to reduce the quantity of emotional intimacy focused within a single relationship, a sentiment echoed by Karen Horney's resigned personality who may exclude sex as being "too intimate for a permanent relationship, and instead satisfy his sexual needs with a stranger. Conversely he may more or less restrict a relationship to merely sexual contacts and not share other experiences with the partner."[11] More recently, Jeffrey Seinfeld, professor of social work at New York University, has published a volume on SPD[12] in which he details examples of "schizoid hunger" which may manifest as sexual promiscuity. Seinfeld provides an example of a schizoid woman who would covertly attend various bars to meet men for the purposes of gaining impersonal sexual gratification, an act, says Seinfeld, which alleviated her feelings of hunger and emptiness.

Salman Akhtar[13] describes this dynamic interplay of overt versus covert sexuality and motivations of some SPD individuals with greater accuracy. Rather than following the narrow proposition that schizoid individuals are either sexual or asexual, Akhtar suggests that these forces may both be present in an individual despite their rather contradictory aims. For Akhtar, therefore, a clinically accurate picture of schizoid sexuality must include both the overt signs: "asexual, sometimes celibate; free of romantic interests; averse to sexual gossip and innuendo," along with possible covert manifestations of "secret voyeuristic and pornographic interests; vulnerable to erotomania; tendency towards compulsive masturbation and perversions,"[13] although none of these necessarily apply to all people with SPD.

Yes, I perfectly fit that description.

But I am still not sure. Never had sex so I wouldn't know if I would feel my space is violated while having sex.

MCalavera
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06 Jun 2011, 11:23 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Phonic wrote:

Back to school, I had a limerence over the same girl for year. I had a little limerence over another girl back in college. But that all about it.

Quote:

I think it may be a form of asexuality, look into it.

I thought about this before, the best explanation I ever found was this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_p ... y_disorder

Quote:

Yes, I perfectly fit that description.

But I am still not sure. Never had sex so I wouldn't know if I would feel my space is violated while having sex.

So you can socialize naturally with ease if you wanted to but you just don't enjoy it? That's what schizoid personality disorder is.

I myself have a similar thing to what you have. I'm attracted sexually to women, but I really don't have this necessity to be in a relationship with any of them (sexual or romantic). I don't mind short term and flings, but I've never enjoyed the concept of long-term.

Some people say this would make me asexual, but I don't agree at all. I do have sexual fantasies. I do enjoy sexual activities. And I do look at cute women who pass by while walking outside.

Nah, schizoid has nothing to do much with this, but I won't say you definitely don't have it instead of Asperger's/HFA.

zen_mistress
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06 Jun 2011, 11:53 pm

Perhaps you just have a low drive.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Jun 2011, 10:55 am

zen_mistress wrote:

Perhaps you just have a low drive.

Is this even measurable?

The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Jun 2011, 10:56 am

Quote:

You make me suddenly think about my lover.

Quote:

I prefer so, for other men made me embarrassed and only want to hide away.

Excuse me, can I ask, are you AS?
You don't need to answer that if you don't like. Or speak to me privately if you like. I just a little bit curious.

I do not believe in AS, at least not as an autism form, but this is a different topic.

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07 Jun 2011, 11:20 am

do you like women? i don't mean this facetiously as in asking whether you prefer men, but do you actually LIKE women. in the sense of... do you truly care for them and enjoy their presence and want to be around them and physically close to them? are you drawn to them?

maybe you like the idea of women but are disappointed with the reality.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Jun 2011, 11:28 am

hyperlexian wrote:

All my crushes were females.

Women are like all people, some I like, some I don't like, some I care about, some I don't.

As whether I like to be physically close to them or not is like asking someone who never experienced the taste of ice cream if he likes ice cream, how would he know?

The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Jun 2011, 3:09 pm

and what are you trying to imply with this question?

starryeyedvoyager
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07 Jun 2011, 3:21 pm

Not much to contribute here other than: "I hear you!" When you come up with something, please let me know.

The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Jun 2011, 12:43 pm

starryeyedvoyager wrote:

Not much to contribute here other than: "I hear you!" When you come up with something, please let me know.

That's the point of this thread, trying to figure it out.

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08 Jun 2011, 1:00 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

and what are you trying to imply with this question?

you didn't quote me.

i didn't know if you really wanted to have a relationship (sexual or romantic or whatever), or if it is just soemthing you thought you should do. so i was trying to get a sense of how you really feel about women on a basic level.

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