Frustration is not Entitlement

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I turned 26 a few days ago. I have been involuntarily single my entire life and naturally I have experienced much sadness and frustration as a result. Because of this, multiple people, all of whom have been much luckier in love and sex and have probably never known what it is like to be involuntarily single, have accused me of feeling entitled to love, sex, and women's bodies just because God forbid I'm frustrated about having been rejected. At least two have even gone as far as comparing me to Elliott Rodger. I don't get it. Do people expect people to be happy after they've been rejected countless times with possibly no hope of experiencing even one relationship in their lives while being cruelly bullied and mocked by peers who go through countless relationships? (see my earlier post viewtopic.php?t=327376) Or do they just not even f*****g think at all? After all, it's apparently a known fact that only people who are involuntarily single and celibate can ever feel entitled to love and sex (sarcasm). But hey, if being frustrated with years of rejection makes me worse than Trump in their eyes, then so be it.

Thank you for all the helpful responses!

you're not entitled to responses

anyways, i agree with the topic title, frustration and entitlement are different even though they can have a huge overlap.

with elliot rodger this is certainly the case, but the entitlement can be extracted if we want to discuss it.
he had what he believed women want. social status and money, college education and a career trajectory, and a handsome appearance. in his head, he deserved to have women because of these qualities, and the women who rejected him did so because they don't know what they want. to control other people's thoughts inside one's own head like that is being fundamentally entitled to other people, because rather than sentient beings they are projections of his own concoction.

elliot rodger is an interesting case to study because his entitlement is so overt, but in most cases i think it is much more subtle and picking apart entitlement from frustration is a delicate game.

My original post wasn't really about Elliott Rodger's frustrations (and now I regret even mentioning him as I'm sick of hearing about him anyway), it was about mine.

Frustration comes from expectations, which you can control. You might benefit from talking it out with a therapist.

I don't have any time to see my therapist anymore as I work full time, and I spent over a decade seeing therapists before that. Wrong Planet is my only solace right now.

you said you have been compared to him, and i wonder why that is, since you don't give any context.

that's why i extracted his entitlement from his frustration in my post.

How to put this... You might want a backup solace of some sort, given some of the tendencies of L&D. You might see some evidence of the futility of inchoate frustration, at least.

Right now I am literally writhing in physical and emotional pain because the only "help" I can apparently get here is telling me to see a therapist which I don't have time for because God forbid I have to work full time in order to pay my rent and bills and stuff about Elliott Rodger that I am not interested in and am already aware of.

it is just hard to understand why people are thinking you are entitled without any provided evidence as such. i want to believe you, especially because i agree that frustration and entitlement can be exclusive, and your OP does not reference any entitled ideas besides what other people have said about you.

i don't feel comfortable judging you, but i am agreeing with your topic.

and i will not post on your topic any further because it seems you are not happy with my responses. perhaps it was better when no one responded.

Hard not to feel like this is a metaphor for the interactions underlying the topic.

They say it because that response is the zeitgeist. The unanimous decision on the internet is that any single man who dares complain about being single must be entitled, this attitude is read by millions and creeps into every day conversation.

I agree with the op. People often fail to see the real person. They fail to see the real problems. If one has not experienced something it is hard to understand and most people don't bother to try to understand.

I find it best to not talk to certain people about my dating life if they are overly negative or discouraging. There are friends I have in real life who I never talk to about these things because they say stupid stuff like: "stop looking and you'll find someone." or "what do you think will happen? That you'll get married and all your problems will be gone?" or "When you see someone has started going out with someone new and posting photos on instagram remeber that life isn't all like that."

Grrr. They don't understand what it's like to have never had a relationship and to want to experience that just once.

In my dates, like today, when I am asked about my previous relationships (they ALWAYS ask about them and talk about theirs), I just mention my ....short-term ones (which are the only ones I had), and I just say because I was never into LTR before and I am more into flings, I make it sounds because I am too of a free bird and thing like.

But honestly, this is a little....white lie in order not to sound weak or desperate, my ugly reality is, I always wanted a relationship for life but I simply never had a LTR and only had those short fling things at times; and the reactions I got to this is....much much better than the reactions, questions (questioning my worth) and puzzling faces I got in the past when i said the truth; and i think at my age they would be even more puzzled and suspicious.

But there's a side effect to this: they would probably never see me as LT material; even if they agree to sleep with me; but saying the truth got me nowhere either way.

So yeah, a forever involuntary single man is always seen in a negative light.

That's probably why you're only attracting short relationships, anyone wanting a LTR is going to avoid you like the plague or once they find out you are like that (even though you're not supposedly) drop you like a hot potato. Quit with the head games. It's a major turn-off.

angela, you are disregarding the part that I was used to say this truth before open, even for a far longer time than hiding it behind short-terms: it never worked! and it was even a more turn-off than anything else and wouldn't hear from her again afterward (except one who wanted a virgin man, but this one was too religious for me).

Typically when a woman has LT experiences before- she wouldn't want to be with a man involuntary with zero experience in it. And no, it's not about the sexual aspect of it - but because they think there's something seriously wrong in an adult man who's involuntary single till this age.

i'll try to reply, i'm 27 and i'm like you, i don't have successful relationships

my personal problem is i put too much expectation into these things. i over think, i stress too much. i can't just relax and enjoy getting to know the girl. i over think even the smallest things like when it's okay to hold her hand, or if i should hug her. i over think what every little message really means, why it takes so long to get them. personally, i think what i need to do going forward is when i meet someone, just enjoy the experience. i don't have to jump into a relationship, i don't have to focus on when sex will start. the last girl and i took no more than 7 days to jump into those things, and the relationship ended just as fast as it started. i also need to learn to just be more comfortable and confident. who cares if the date wasn't as fun as i hoped? who cares if it doesn't go anywhere? looking back, i was too afraid to do a lot of things, worried about negative reactions i might get from past failed relationships. it shouldn't of mattered.

you can be frustrated, horny, depressed and have no confidence all you want, just don't show it. don't tell the girl, it's a massive turn off. just get to know her and focus on having a good time and getting to know her. that's all that should matter, if you do those things, and you learn to be comfortable, the rest will fall into place.