The_Postmaster wrote:
MollyTroubletail wrote:
I wouldn't go bragging that you get good grades without studying, to a person who is obviously studying hard. A person with good study habits may feel that you are a lazy person, or that you are too arrogant about your intelligence.
In general, whenever a person says they're doing something (studying, walking the dog, going to the gym, cleaning their room, or whatever), your best response is to agree with what they're doing.
For example,
1. "I'm studying for finals."
Agreeing response: "Yeah, I need to study more myself, especially math." -or- "I'm gonna have to cram an all-nighter."
Disagreeing response: "I don't even need to study to get good grades."
2. "I'm walking the dog."
Agreeing response: "Cool what kinda dog? What's her name?"
Disagreeing response: "I don't like dogs, I'm allergic."
3. "I'm going to work out at the gym."
Agreeing response: "Hey I noticed you've been looking really good lately. Do you do cardio or weights?"
Disagreeing response: "I can stuff myself with pizza and chips and never gain any weight."
4. "I'm cleaning my room."
Agreeing response: "I gotta do that too, ha ha, thanks for reminding me!"
Disagreeing response: "My mom cleans my room for me." -or- "I like my room being messy."
You don't have to lie or be dishonest, but just avoid saying the opposite of what the other person is doing or saying. This will help the other person to feel more friendly towards you, and to accept you. When you say something that disagrees with what they're saying, they will subconsciously feel you criticized them, and they will subconsciously begin to reject you without even realizing why.
This is a sales and negotiation technique in which you subtly affirm the other person's ideas and choices, in order to build rapport with them.
That makes sense. It's not like I was trying to come across as arrogant. The way I meant for it to sound was more like, "I don't study much, but it's not like I'm a genius and I'll get A's without studying, I'll just do decent and get maybe C's or B's if I'm lucky." Jeez, I hope she doesn't feel too criticized, that was never my intention.
Thanks for the advice, It'll definitely be helpful for next time.
@MarketAndChurch- We talk every once in a while. We're not really close or anything, but we talk occasionally.
Well I only asked those questions because I too had a similar response as Molly did but I didn't want to assume.
Postmaster, I think it would've helped you extend the conversation had you not been so focused on your awesomeness or being too interested in uninteresting things like her studies(unless you know her to be the type whose passionate about school and the subject she's in). I know this wasn't your intention at all, but it came off that way because only people who don't care at all about their grades or are brainiacs don't care.
Getting a reply is not the same as emotional or attraction-based compliance, and reading her replies, it felt more like a Q&A then an actual conversation built on interest(of the other or the subject your talking about).
Keep it light and playful and the option to find the emotional center of the conversation is always there as well so you have a lot of tools and directions to take the conversation in - just don't get bogged down on the minutia details unless you both actually share that interest.
_________________
It is not up to you to finish the task, nor are you free to desist from trying.
08 Jun 2011, 9:14 pm
