Love or Lust? No way to find out!

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What is the difference between love and lust?

I want to make love with him because I spiritually love him first. Are most of women in this case?

Maybe. Probably I am a so sensitive, so emotional creature, and so spiritual...All awful weaknesses of human being....

I am a beautiful (intelligent, and so-called 'sexy', etc. ) girl. Please don't laugh at me for saying that, but it is true, as everybody says so to me, but I am also suffering with my low self-esteem.

My lover( I don't like to use the word 'boyfriend'，everybody uses it, sounds so slight) is an AS.

I told him I think he is similar to me and I have never know anybody like him(i.e.like me) before.(I have no friends and probably don't really want to have it; I am quite popular in general, I don't know why, probably just because of my looking, so they don't hate me? I can never understand jokes, have no common interests. I can't understand why others think I am cute and like to tease me because of that.) I never want to reveal my heart to any others. Apart from him. I think he is similar to me. Therefore,he probably can understand me.

I told him I want to know him and understand him from my deepest heart, but he was reluctant, and told me he can't supply me that.

I don't even know he is an AS at that time.(interesting coincidence!) And somebody told me so later.

I don't know how to deal with him, I tried some other ways but I am afraid of him to know that I love him because I thought he never loves me and I don't want to just admit my failure on this point. I got an another lover to move on, but I also wanted to make him feel jealous. But finally,after 8 months, I told him that I want to make love with him then he responded me. He said he thinks he loves me. He said he thinks I am beautiful. Then we did something.

I am never sure about his love. Despite of he says it quite a lot now, and I am sure he is physically attracted to me.

Is he only physically need me? Say things that he knows I like to hear, in order to make love with me? And leave me after that?Or sometimes men's brain are their testicles?

I know love can stem from lust. But is such love reliable?

Love can change, I know, everything is changing all the time.

You cannot step twice into the same stream. For as you are stepping in, other waters are ever flowing on to you.

But I am not sure about my love also. I only think he is similar to me.....What is the similarities between all AS people? Is there any? or not?

Please give me your idea. Please, do not tease me.

My heart has opened for your advice.

Thank you very much for your help.
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Now I can't even venture to try....He said it is too complex to explain...
Alas..I didn't even mention the real point to him...just a little bit..But...
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I am thinking that,one day I told him I really want to know him and understand him..2 days after he said he loves me. We were not that crazy on that day....
" You have already known a lot about me, I think" He smiled and said that.
“ What do you mean? Umm, I have never think so...
'o,my beloved AS." I held him into my arm. It was the first time I mention AS to him, and make him know that I know he has it. I think it is the similarity we both have, not as simple as just 'AS', I meant that the way we thinks, the complexity, the anxiety, the introvert...etc. I know nothing about his understanding on this point...
I think he was probably touched by me, he closed his eyes and suddenly held me so hardly.
Then I sat beside him,"You know I am different from others. So I probably can understand you. If I can't, at least I really want to, therefore, I will try as hard as I can."
He did not say anything, but looked at my eyes for a long time. Then he looked at my body, then eyes again.
We were looking at each other, and thinking. I don't know how long the time has passed, and I don't know what to say.but finally we went back as crazy again.
I felt a little bit dispaired. I was doubt about it. And such doubt comes back now.....

Last edited by metaphysics on 05 Jun 2011, 2:17 pm, edited 24 times in total.

Why, I suddenly feel so lonely.

Even nobody wants to reply me...

Maybe it is hopeless...

In my opinion, it may not be a bad idea to move forward. Us people with AS tend to be some of the most loyal people around. As for him not being able to understand you, you'll never find out if you don't try.

Really? It is indeed a pity that I don't know if he is loyal....

I am jealous, I am really doubt about it....

Why do you think he "not being able to understand me"?

Please tell me!Thank you very much for it

Well, when you told him you wanted to understand him from your deepest heart, and he said he can't supply you with that, maybe he thinks he isn't good enough to do that. But when you said you wanted to make love to him, maybe he interpreted that as he is good enough for you. You are never going to know unless you try, and it sounds like you want to find out.

On a lighter note, the question "Or men's brain are sometimes their testicles?" made me laugh out loud. Sometimes bad English can be funny. In Spanish class in high school, one girl said something that meant "I did nobody" and we all laughed at her.

He might understand things about you that no other man will, but might not mention them. Also, he might miss things that other men would understand easily, but might enjoy it if you cared to explain them. If you look for hidden meanings in what he says, and find something other than complicated jokes, you probably missed the point.

If he likes to kiss you outside of having sex, though, he probably likes you a lot. Everyone has his or her own unique style.

Thank you for saying that...
The"hidden meanings"are what I am always looking for.

He likes to kiss me outside of having sex, actually....But can it prove his love? I don't think so...

Last edited by metaphysics on 02 Jun 2011, 9:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I thought he may thinks I am not good enough for him to do that...

If you are indeed beautiful, intelligent, sexy, and popular, what is the problem? Has it ever occurred to you that people like you, not in spite of, but because of your personality? Take some pride in yourself!

I think this is the crux of it I'm afraid.

If you don't feel his heart is in this, and he's pretty much said that he can't give you what you want, maybe it's best to admit defeat and move on before you waste more time?

If you want to give it a go and work on it because you think there is hope, that's cool, but don't do it just because your pride won't allow you to accept that he doesn't feel the same way back (I don't mean that badly; we all have pride). Nobody is attractive to everyone, and just because one guy might not 'feel it' doesn't mean that you are ugly in the slightest.

Thank you

Actually I am. Every others told me so, but he seems even ignored it...Why....He seems even embarrassed when others pay compliments to me... I have tried to get his attention by flirting(slightly) with others, but he ignored it... 8 months before...Therefore I don't know if I am as beautiful,sexy..etc as they usually said...Maybe I am the worst...

Why everybody think so and he just intends to ignore it in public...

I don't know what do they think about my personality... But I don't think it can be a lovely one to most of others because I never care about them and have no common interest...Although I am extremely polite in my real life...

Finally, I am sure about “intelligent"... The only thing I am be sure about.

He seems doesn't want any others know that he loves me... He told me that I can't show my love in public, sometimes I can't even speak to him in public...
But we are actually crazy when we are alone....

That's why I think he probably just physically need me... Otherwise I can't think why we cannot speak in public?

Alas... Probably. That's what I thought before. But now... I don't know if his motive is his love? or lust? that's why I post it here for an answer.

Where I live, it's seen as bad form to flirt with other guys in front of your boyfriend, though maybe that's a cultural thing. I presume you were hoping he'd get jealous, but if he has AS, he may simply not have noticed (You'd probably have to ask him to know his reasons really)

AS or not, one guy's opinion of you shouldn't affect your self worth and I'm not sure fishing for compliments will work very well.

That's more than a bit weird. Have you asked him why you can't speak to him in public? It sounds bizarre. Some people can be shy, but that's going a bit too far unless you live/he comes from a very conservative country.



Honest opinion? Lust. sorry. He's not acting like someone who cares about and thinks the world of the another person, which to me would define 'love'. It may not be personal, some people just aren't at that stage in life yet and some never are. I think cut your losses and move on if you're unhappy, or else ask him for answers.

(btw, this is just one opinion- others may be more optimistic!)

I'm afraid that this bit is unacceptable, at least without some sort of explanation. One thing I've learned about love is that it can be measured by what we are willing to sacrifice for others. This is not just because we want them around, but because we genuinely care about others' well being.

Dig deeper into the reason that you can't show love in public. Dig for a real answer. If you find it, ask him to sacrifice some of his own personal comfort for your own well being. If he complies, that's a very good sign. If he claims that he cannot or will not, it may be best to begin to detach yourself from him. If he indeed loves you, he will be willing to make sacrifices. It sounds ugly, and you'll be forced to face the moment of truth, and it may not be what you wanted to find, but it is better to find out sooner rather than later.

Dig deep, find answers, and then take action! Good luck!

If you can't even speak to the guy in public, where does the love part come in? Sometimes or not sometimes, talking to him in public should be OK all of the time. It could be that he is too immature for that at the moment, but even if that is the case, I lean towards lust over love if you two are crazy in private.

He said that others will split us up if we speak to each other in public..

But in fact he seems like to speak common subjects with me in public, which always give me bad mood( I only want to talk about my interest for most of time).

Conservative country.. What do you mean by that? Indian? Arabian?..He is not.
I guess you may come from China...I hope you not mind, I just guess...