During your separation, allowing your partner to date?

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So, for those that have been married, but are separated/divorced. Were you ok with your spouse seeing someone else before the divorce? Was it in a situation were you knew the relationship was over 100%? Or did he/she do whatever they wanted in spite of you trying to reconcile with them? This all seems so strange to me. I guess I'm just a one person soul-mate for a lifetime person, but am realizing it's not realistic.

where i live, it can take up to 2 years for a divorce to be final. you can not even file until 12 months and 1 day after the initial seperation.

I am coming up to a year and i will be filing for divorce on that day.

I actually asked someone out yesterday (the first time i have done so in over 6 years) so i am very ready to move on. I know my ex is also dating and really i couldn't care. I actually feel sorry for whoever he is seeing, he can be charismatic.

Other than regarding our children, my ex- and I had no say in each other's behaviour once we separated. Both of us dated other people during the mandatory 12 month trial separation. She has more luck than I do romantically which makes me a bit jealous, but that's my problem.

I did - we were even living together at the time.

It was nice to get her out of the house, but she had a hard time explaining the situation to her boyfriends!

My husband and I are both allowed to date or have sex with other people, but we're not separated. We have an open marriage. It's a messy situation if one person is monogamous and the other person wants to be free to date others. It's also messy if one person wants to reconcile, while the other person wants to leave permanently. There is a world of hurt in those situations. I am sorry you're caught in it, it's horrible.

Separated and divorced are different things. If you are divorced you dobt have any right or any saying on your ex's life. If your are separated, that depends on the terms of your separation. Are you just taking a time-out to think thibgs out, or are you planning on divorving? Usually one person wants to get back and the other one wants to move forward. The one dating definitively wants to move forward. You do not start dating if you want to get back. If your partner is dating I think you should take it as a sign that it's over. You should talk about it and be honest with each other.

If people always did this there would be less problems.

My ex is free to date others whenever he feels like it.

Agreed.

i think it depends whether it is a trial separation while the couple works on the marriage, or if it is a separation because the marriage is considered "over".

if i was in that situation, i don't feel like it would be my choice to decide if my husband would be dating other people. if i wanted us to stay faithful, i would tell him how i felt... but it would be his choice, and if i didn't like it i could just decide not to reunite with him as he made his own intentions clear. i feel it is necessary to make this distinction as the original question asks about "allowing" my partner to date other people, and i do not think it is ultimately up to me.

hopefully, there would be open and honest communication with no surprises either way.

Here in Finland it takes half a year between filing a divorce and getting the final divorce. I moved out right after filing our divorce, and started dating shortly after that. It was no problem for me, because I thought the divorce was actually going to happen. But my ex said she felt I was cheating her.

And yes, we are divorced now. And I have married my current wife.

Thanks folks for the input. Just to clarify, I wasn't suggesting either of us should be allowed to decide what the other can do regarding seeing someone else. Ultimately it's their decision. I guess the situation that concerns we is if one party hopes to reconcile and the other wants to try "something new". As much as I want them to work things out by trying something new, it seems like a awful way to find out what you want.

My point of view is: if you want to try something new it is because you want to find something better. If you still want your partner and you think there is chance to make things work, then you do not try to find a replacement. If one of them is looking for a replacement, is because one of them wants to move on. If that person decides to stay it is because she/he could not find anything better. Conforming is not the best reason to stay together. But then again, that's just me.