I fancy a brilliant male aspie. What should I do?

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catch295
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19 Jun 2011, 4:44 pm

The guy I'm interested in has his mind fixed on physics. We are both in university. I found his attitude attractive and he happens to have an attractive body... To be honest, I just want to have sex with him.
He knows who I am but I won't say we are friends... But he doesn't seem to be interested in me, or any other girls at all... What should I do?



MollyTroubletail
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19 Jun 2011, 5:14 pm

If he is really an Aspie, he may be unaware of your interest in him (oblivious to your body language or hints). He may also not know how to approach girls and lack confidence in doing so. Your only choice is to nicely tell him that you like him and ask if he'd like to go on a date with you. Aspies do appreciate directness because we fail to notice social hints or clues. Or if that would be too scary for you, I guess you could write him a note saying the same thing. But whatever you do, don't hint around or just flirt, it'll only confuse him and make him feel anxious.



Tequila
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19 Jun 2011, 5:26 pm

If you just want to have sex with him, ask him?



catch295
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19 Jun 2011, 5:39 pm

I'd like a relationship with him as well. But I don't think he would want one at all... So I downgraded to just want to have sex with him...

He's completely oblivious to my hints. My eyes follow him all the time, and I try to initiate a conversation with him as much as possible. But he just doesn't get it at all!! He will respond to me but that's about it... Wouldn't it be very abrupt if I say I like him??



Tequila
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19 Jun 2011, 5:44 pm

catch295 wrote:
Wouldn't it be very abrupt if I say I like him??


You're going to have to be very matter-of-fact with him. Do you have an e-mail address for him? He may take that better than face-to-face.



catch295
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19 Jun 2011, 5:47 pm

also, I'm not a slut and won't share this secret desire with anyone in real life. We also have many mutual friends. (he doesn't have communication problems)
So I can't just come up to him and tell him I want to f**k him.



izzeme
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19 Jun 2011, 5:47 pm

dont be so quick in assuming he doesn't want a relationship; even though it is quite possible that you are right, you have an equal chance of him actually wanting one.

as for the original topic, i think just telling him will be the best option, since subtility is destined to fail.
perhaps try to get him comfortable first; watch a movie or something, then tell him what you want.



catch295
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19 Jun 2011, 5:47 pm

also, I'm not a slut and won't share this secret desire with anyone in real life. We also have many mutual friends. (he doesn't have communication problems)
So I can't just come up to him and tell him I want to f**k him.



Tequila
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19 Jun 2011, 5:48 pm

Have you described overtly discussing sex, with heavy hints? Even I could pick that up. I'd also get it if a woman wanted to be around me all the time, and looked at me with unconcealed lust.



MollyTroubletail
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19 Jun 2011, 5:53 pm

catch295 wrote:
He's completely oblivious to my hints. My eyes follow him all the time, and I try to initiate a conversation with him as much as possible. But he just doesn't get it at all!! He will respond to me but that's about it... Wouldn't it be very abrupt if I say I like him??


Of course he's oblivious to your hints, only responds to you when you initiate conversation, and doesn't notice your eyes following him. He is an ASPIE! That is practically the very definition of Aspies!

He probably wonders why you stare at him and doesn't know it's because you're interested. You will have to tell him "I like you" directly in order for him to know that you like him. I doubt he'll realize that it's abrupt. He'll probably be oblivious to social abruptness, also.



catch295
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19 Jun 2011, 5:54 pm

I don't think he noticed that I followed him around. We were together at some events and there were friends of ours around too...Also, I feel unable to make eye contact with him. Like, even when he's looking at me, I don't know if he is actually looking at me... I am a well endowed girl and I can't believe he doesn't respond to any of my hints at all, and that just made me want him more.



Tequila
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19 Jun 2011, 6:00 pm

Do you want my advice? Show him this thread. Print it out and show it to him.

MollyTroubletail wrote:
You will have to tell him "I like you" directly in order for him to know that you like him. I doubt he'll realize that it's abrupt. He'll probably be oblivious to social abruptness, also.


I'd go further. You want to make it so it's impossible for a guy to not realise - in no uncertain terms. Be honest with him, but see if he freaks out. He might need time to deal with it.

That's not excusing predatory behaviour though, where it's obvious he isn't interested after he repeatedly tells you so. But this emphatically doesn't seem like the case here.

catch295: May I suggest a sledgehammer? You'll probably need one.



calamity138
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19 Jun 2011, 6:05 pm

Read what everyone else has said, he won't notice you until you make a Direct move. Subtly hinting, acting interested and expecting him to act like other men Will Not Work. Unless you go to him and ask him out for a date, Specifically a Date, not coffee or movies, A Date, you're most likely not going to make any progress. Also you may want to text him first, get his number from someone. If yo feel brave, just ask him to tell you about his latest paper and at the end of the very long conversion bring it around to going out. After you have done this don't be offended or surprised if he disappears. Aspies often get uncomfortable when they aren't sure what they're supposed to do next. You will have to accept taking the guiding hand in this situation or Nothing will happen.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Jun 2011, 6:12 pm

and maybe you should check his pecker first.



Tequila
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19 Jun 2011, 6:15 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
and maybe you should check his pecker first.


You git. :lol:



catch295
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19 Jun 2011, 6:46 pm

Thank you guys... I haven't known him for long. Should I wait for a bit and give him time to get used to having me around? Would that make a difference?? Also, if I ask him directly, do you think he will react by discussing my move with others?