Does anyone here go out of nightclubs feeling frustrated

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CuriousNotion
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20 Jun 2011, 3:29 pm

Of all the social outings , Nightclubs are the hardest (for myself at least) . I go in with a few friends and feel a great urge to socialize and with the opposite sex . Unfortunately the whole night usually ends up with myself been too shy to talk to any women. I think its the mix of the overwhelmingly loud music (after a club my throat is sore from raising my voice to be heard) and just fear of rejection or what not. I therefore rarely enjoy nightclubs because I come across as shy , but in my defence a loud , drunken atmosphere with loud techno can be overwhelming. anyone feel the same way?



K-R-X
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20 Jun 2011, 3:36 pm

Yes, I think you'll find most of us feel the same way.

In theory it is the perfect Dionysian place for socialization and indulgence. I sometimes consider it as an 'ideal' of a place to go to fill the whole social need - in my head I do.

The reality is different though. They always end up to be just really loud bars with the same drunk, obnoxious people playing the same egotistical, obnoxious games. This while the strobe tries to convince your brain its having a seizure and the speakers are so loud they only manage to play about 3/4th of the notes that are in the actual songs...



Keeno
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20 Jun 2011, 4:24 pm

K-R-X wrote:
In theory it is the perfect Dionysian place for socialization and indulgence. I sometimes consider it as an 'ideal' of a place to go to fill the whole social need - in my head I do.



Exactly why I feel frustrated after going to a club, though I haven't been to one in some time. I simply refuse to go to them, indeed I was with a group of friends on Saturday night who went to a nightclub, and I went home - I just hope they understand the level of overwhelm a nightclub causes me. The truth is, in a nightclub I simply fall apart, in both a social and a sensory way. Such ideal places for socialisation and indulgence are so for bolder people, not people like me.



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20 Jun 2011, 4:32 pm

I can only deal with the loud music and crowds at a club if I'm smashed. Then I flail like a spazz on the dance floor. It's fun to do with friends but only every once in a while. :lol:



sacrip
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20 Jun 2011, 6:13 pm

With bars and nightclubs, you should only be going for one reason: to have fun. Yes, you might meet a girl there and get her number, but not doing that doesn't make the night a failure just like walking out of the mall without new shoes makes your trip there a failure. If you're thinking, "I really don't enjoy these places but maybe I should go because I'd really like a girlfriend and maybe I'll meet one there," then I suggest you spend your time at home or someplace you'll enjoy yourself. There are MUCH better ways to meet women then going against all your instincts and playing the pick up game at a loud club.


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1manwolfpack
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20 Jun 2011, 6:40 pm

i find the top 40 clubs to be annoying to go to. The music isnt always the best, but the real problem is you get the posers and "look at me im so cool cuz im in a club" crowd.

that changed as i got into electronic dance music. i find that the crowd in an edm club, especially for trance music, is much more there for the music. rather than trying to be part of a scene, everyone is totally lost in the music, you can dance by yourself and not look out of place because theres 20 other people who are either tripping or completely wasted but having a good time grooving without a dance partner. i also find that its much easier to go up to someone to dance.

when it comes to sensory issues, i guess some aspies might not like the loudness. i have an obsession with music and i personally love the loud music. theres nothing better than a high quality system immersing your ears with perfectly tuned and balanced sound and shaking your insides with rich, thick bass, but i found that one of my aspie traits is the inability hear someone inside the club, even if theyr talking right into my ear.

i go to clubs to enjoy the music. if need a rest i feel comfortable chilling on a drink or going outside for a cig. i dont go to clubs for the purpose of socializing. im not good at it and its not the place i would want to meet someone for the first time. that said, its still fun to chat with new people there if it happens.



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20 Jun 2011, 9:57 pm

Never been to a club-loud music, crowds of people I don't know showing things I don't wanna see...

Yeah, can't help.


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20 Jun 2011, 9:58 pm

It's been a long time since I've last gone "clubbing", and even longer since I've enjoyed it.



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20 Jun 2011, 10:10 pm

sacrip wrote:
With bars and nightclubs, you should only be going for one reason: to have fun. Yes, you might meet a girl there and get her number, but not doing that doesn't make the night a failure just like walking out of the mall without new shoes makes your trip there a failure. If you're thinking, "I really don't enjoy these places but maybe I should go because I'd really like a girlfriend and maybe I'll meet one there," then I suggest you spend your time at home or someplace you'll enjoy yourself. There are MUCH better ways to meet women then going against all your instincts and playing the pick up game at a loud club.


^ This.

Nightclubs are terrible places to meet women - unless you're there just to have a one-night-stand (even then taking a drunk woman home is rarely a good idea). Some women may go to nightclubs hoping to meet their next boyfriend, but this is largely foolish given as most men who go to clubs are not there to get a relationship...thus in reality few women you meet in nightclubs will be looking for a relationship, even amongst those who are it's hard to get any sort of connection when drunk, when she's drunk, when there's loud music preventing conversation, and when she may be more on guard about strangers...let alone enough of a connection to attempt any sort of relationship with her, or even getting her to realistically agree to a date or giving you her number.

If you are looking for a relationship you'd stand a FAR better chance talking to women at work, at a social group, club or at your local stores as these are women who you see on a regular basis, relationships can develop and there's less risk of rejection or stress when talking to them or if you do eventually get to the point of asking for their number or to go on a date.


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Weiss_Yohji
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21 Jun 2011, 1:56 am

Where I work, we have a DJ come in on Friday nights during the lean fall-spring period. I tried staying after work for this (The bar effectively turns into a mini-nightclub at this point), but didn't care much for this kind of environment. Too many people, not enough breathing room, and it gets too loud. And that's before factoring in my tastes in music, which fall into death metal, obscure J-rock/pop, K-pop, and other stuff nobody I know has heard of.



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21 Jun 2011, 2:31 am

I don't go. Nightclubs are boring.


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keira
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21 Jun 2011, 3:46 am

I don't like clubs so I don't usually go there. I definitely don't go there to meet someone because clubs make me even more socially awkward than usual.
If I have to go to a club I try my best to ignore everyone except the people I'm with and just have fun. I try to avoid attention because loud music, crowd and lights are already a lot to handle. I don't need additional stress.



izzeme
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21 Jun 2011, 5:44 am

i dont go to clubs for exactly this reason; there is no personal space to stand in, the music and stobes are nearly literally killing me and everyone is too sh*tfaced to say anything coherent.
adding the concentration needed to survive all this to my natural shyness... never mind, i dont even try.
smaller parties i do often go to, to try and socialise; but i usually leave before it really gets started becouse i'm getting overloaded.



CuriousNotion
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21 Jun 2011, 6:43 am

1manwolfpack wrote:
i find the top 40 clubs to be annoying to go to. The music isnt always the best, but the real problem is you get the posers and "look at me im so cool cuz im in a club" crowd.

that changed as i got into electronic dance music. i find that the crowd in an edm club, especially for trance music, is much more there for the music. rather than trying to be part of a scene, everyone is totally lost in the music, you can dance by yourself and not look out of place because theres 20 other people who are either tripping or completely wasted but having a good time grooving without a dance partner. i also find that its much easier to go up to someone to dance.
.


Yeah ,I think if you are not interested in meeting up with new people your enjoyment of the nightclub greatly depends on how good the music is. The problem with the nightclubs in my area , all the music is mainstream and overplayed. I wish they would some more genres of dance music. This may sound oddball but I wish they played more music from the kills .



CuriousNotion
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21 Jun 2011, 6:53 am

Bloodheart wrote:
sacrip wrote:
With bars and nightclubs, you should only be going for one reason: to have fun. Yes, you might meet a girl there and get her number, but not doing that doesn't make the night a failure just like walking out of the mall without new shoes makes your trip there a failure. If you're thinking, "I really don't enjoy these places but maybe I should go because I'd really like a girlfriend and maybe I'll meet one there," then I suggest you spend your time at home or someplace you'll enjoy yourself. There are MUCH better ways to meet women then going against all your instincts and playing the pick up game at a loud club.


^ This.

Nightclubs are terrible places to meet women - unless you're there just to have a one-night-stand (even then taking a drunk woman home is rarely a good idea). Some women may go to nightclubs hoping to meet their next boyfriend, but this is largely foolish given as most men who go to clubs are not there to get a relationship...thus in reality few women you meet in nightclubs will be looking for a relationship, even amongst those who are it's hard to get any sort of connection when drunk, when she's drunk, when there's loud music preventing conversation, and when she may be more on guard about strangers...let alone enough of a connection to attempt any sort of relationship with her, or even getting her to realistically agree to a date or giving you her number.

If you are looking for a relationship you'd stand a FAR better chance talking to women at work, at a social group, club or at your local stores as these are women who you see on a regular basis, relationships can develop and there's less risk of rejection or stress when talking to them or if you do eventually get to the point of asking for their number or to go on a date.


yeah you are correct about that. I guess I always assumed nightclubs where the place that people will find someone (to be fair in the area I live in Ireland , Nightclubs are ridiculously popular , and going with the crowd seemed like the only option) .Now I am happier just to forget about it.

Im suprised at the responses here. Most people seem to dislike the nightclub scene as well.



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21 Jun 2011, 8:40 am

I never go out of nightclubs feeling frustrated because I never go into them in the first place. Reasons:

1. Nightclubs look like a sleazy, competitive, hard-hearted, dress-codey, noisy, uncomfortable, crowded, needlessly expensive environment.

2. Staying up that late tires me out.

3. Even if I got a gf out of it, how could she be suitable for me if she was a clubbie?